Foreword: we "passively" broke up through the years and our relationship evolved to something between BFF and partner (which is arguably unhealthy for me). Therefore, calling her "ex-gf" doesn't accurately depict our relationship, it's more complex than that. Yet, we remain very close and she's (along with my parents) the main reason why I'm still here. She's not suicidal or depressed (as far as I know).
Anyhow, last night I had a dream where she committed suicide at my parent's house in front of my own eyes. The method was completely whimsical (she drank a single dose of detergent without AE or anything, I wish it was that easy
), but still, I saw her drinking and slowly (but peacefully) passing away. I didn't call emergency services as they would save her and put her in a ward which would be worse, and I knew it was her decision anyways. I was paralyzed and devastated. I remember the thing that moved me the most was seeing her alive, "in motion", then seconds later completely inert and gone. I hadn't had such strong feelings in years, even though it was in a dream.
I have such low self-esteem that I cannot picture anyone being moved by my death (whilst I know it is not rational). But during this dream, I was for the first time able to comprehend my parents reaction when they thought I was going to attempt CTB, or when I did. It's a very egoistic reaction (so was my sentiment during my dream), but I could understand. And it's somehow shaking me up right now.
Have you ever had such dream where you see someone dear to you CTB? Was it sad? Did you let them go?
Anyhow, last night I had a dream where she committed suicide at my parent's house in front of my own eyes. The method was completely whimsical (she drank a single dose of detergent without AE or anything, I wish it was that easy
), but still, I saw her drinking and slowly (but peacefully) passing away. I didn't call emergency services as they would save her and put her in a ward which would be worse, and I knew it was her decision anyways. I was paralyzed and devastated. I remember the thing that moved me the most was seeing her alive, "in motion", then seconds later completely inert and gone. I hadn't had such strong feelings in years, even though it was in a dream.I have such low self-esteem that I cannot picture anyone being moved by my death (whilst I know it is not rational). But during this dream, I was for the first time able to comprehend my parents reaction when they thought I was going to attempt CTB, or when I did. It's a very egoistic reaction (so was my sentiment during my dream), but I could understand. And it's somehow shaking me up right now.
Have you ever had such dream where you see someone dear to you CTB? Was it sad? Did you let them go?
