I guess im doing better

[justfloating]

For the longest time I have been waiting to kill myself because I wanted closure with a loved one before I could do it. For the first time in weeks I saw them yesterday, and instead of closure it gave me hope. I am still having a lot of suicidal thoughts, however the urge was gone, even after I encountered something that usually would have triggered me and caused another attempt. My life is in no way good, but I am in a place where I feel it can be good enough for long enough to get me happy far in the future.

I'm currently cautiously happy, so afraid that I'm going to mess up again and everything will get bad again. Though now I have a method I have made peace with riding out my life until it really is too much, because its an option I will always have if I need. I think its because I've found faith in God though this, I've never been religious but I have just connected with it.

 

[LivideLamb]

First of all, if you are happy, or at least in a more bearable state for yourself, congratulations! Hope this will go better for you!
You've let yourself time, which, in my opinion, is a good thing to do. Remember, some days will be bad, but some day will also be good. If you have faith, hope and will to ride the car for this journey, I can only encourage you.
Best of luck x