Venting i guess i know how to swim now ..

[tomatriste]

about a week ago, i had my third attempt at suicide, by jumping in Panguitch Lake in utah .. i have no experience swimming; ran back, and took a leap but, to my surprise i swam to shore.
i had no plan B, lost my wallet in the lake, and just honestly feel i shouldn't be here.
i get my financial aid in a couple days and i'm going to muster up the courage again (taking that leap into the lake was the most courageous thing i've ever done) to buy a gun, which isn't hard here where i am. and statistics i've read on gun suicides, make me confident my survival instincts won't come in and ruin things again.
i feel terrible these days .. like i'm truly not supposed to be living. like i cheated death. i have no will to live, every passing moment feels as though i'm in agony.
i get my money in a couple of days and it'll be all over soon.

i can't wait <3

 

[madameviolette]

I'm sorry. You must have been freezing in that lake.

That's not how a peaceful death should be. It sucks we have to resort to these methods.

 

[tomatriste]

I'm sorry. You must have been freezing in that lake.

That's not how a peaceful death should be. It sucks we have to resort to these methods.

when i got out my fingers were freezing so badly i was crying. luckily i kept the keys in my car and was able to warm up. i think how terrible it would've been had i lost my keys in the lake like i did my wallet. i probably would've lost some fingers.
yes, it's terrible we have to resort to these methods

 

[madameviolette]

I hope you'll find peace