I GOT TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND!!! LIFE IS WORTH LIVING!!!

[sohopelessandempty]

GUYS THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN A WHOLE MONTH WHERE I WENT A FEW HOURS WITHOUT WANTING TO DIE!!! If anyone's wondering why I couldn't see him for so long, I explained in a reply of one of my other posts but basically I'm 18, just a high school senior due to my birthday instead of turning 18 in college like some people in my grade. And the job market here is shit, so I haven't been able to find work. So basically I'm still stuck under my parents roof with no car or money for myself, and they are strict and honestly abusive(not physically these days but still) so they are the ones who control if I see him. He reminded me that life is worth living, I can't believe I forgot. He makes me feel like recovery is possible. Obviously I'm still mentally ill, but any pain relief is good, even if it's only temporary. I meant that in the sense that I can't see him very often, not that our relationship is temporary. We plan to get married in a couple years, when we're financially stable.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Wow you're that young and not even out of high school. I am glad to hear about your new realizations. You definitely should stick with life. No doubt about that. Have faith you can escape your horrible home environment. It is firmly within the realm of possibility.

 

[continuing]

GUYS THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN A WHOLE MONTH WHERE I WENT A FEW HOURS WITHOUT WANTING TO DIE!!! If anyone's wondering why I couldn't see him for so long, I explained in a reply of one of my other posts but basically I'm 18, just a high school senior due to my birthday instead of turning 18 in college like some people in my grade. And the job market here is shit, so I haven't been able to find work. So basically I'm still stuck under my parents roof with no car or money for myself, and they are strict and honestly abusive(not physically these days but still) so they are the ones who control if I see him. He reminded me that life is worth living, I can't believe I forgot. He makes me feel like recovery is possible. Obviously I'm still mentally ill, but any pain relief is good, even if it's only temporary. I meant that in the sense that I can't see him very often, not that our relationship is temporary. We plan to get married in a couple years, when we're financially stable.

I think i saw a post of you before, im glad you were able to be able to think like that, keep going, we never know the future.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Wow you're that young and not even out of high school. I am glad to hear about your new realizations. You definitely should stick with life. No doubt about that. Have faith you can escape your horrible home environment. It is firmly within the realm of possibility.

I want to have faith but I simply can't afford to move out anytime soon. I know I'm an adult but toxic parents don't care about legality, as long as I'm under their roof, they control so much of my life. I gave up looking for a job, but might start applying to places again sometime soon. It all just feels so hopeless.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I want to have faith but I simply can't afford to move out anytime soon. I know I'm an adult but toxic parents don't care about legality, as long as I'm under their roof, they control so much of my life. I gave up looking for a job, but might start applying to places again sometime soon. It all just feels so hopeless.

Unfortunately I was talking about the long term but enduring the near future will be worth it if the rest of your life will be better. Don't give up looking for a job. You might be able to find seasonal employment somewhere at least.

 

[lita-lassi]

im glad you have someone you can lean on to help you feel less isolated, alone and hopeless. those are definitely good qualities in a partner. i would, however, recommend focusing on education or work and your own abilities to pull yourself up and out whether you have a partner or not. theres nothing wrong with needing/wanting help and i dont assume they're a bad person by any means but you are incredibly young and have infinite possibilities in front of you even when it feels hopeless or nonexistent, i promise. youre stronger than you realize

 

[Crematoryy]

Anything involving relationships is extremely delicate for me. When someone says they feel happy in another person's company, what I feel is envy, contempt, hatred. Because I'm a resentful person who feels excluded and incapable of having a relationship. Loneliness distorts my judgment and reminds me of what I can never have. That's my psychological condition.

To be honest, I'm not the kind of person you'd want to be close to, but you would never suspect my true feelings. So, sorry for the inconvenience.