Discussion I got my N from A today.

[LifeAfterDeath00]

I don't know what to do. I am scared, confused.

 

[oxymoron]

I don't know what to do. I am scared, confused.

Where you from?

 

[disabledandhopeless]

Congratulations!

 

[faust]

Hide it as far as you can.
Because from now you ordered nothing and you know nothing.
Just some safety measures.

 

[Blutsager]

Congratulations, be happy, for you are extremely lucky, I hope you know that.
Beyond this... well, now its the time to think if this is the decision you wanna take. Know that, no matter what happens, we'll be here for you, and support you on any decision you take.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

You were so happy and excited to be able to ctb when you ordered SN, like a dream come true. But you had been so concerned about SN failing if you didn't get meto, didn't want to end up in a psych ward. Now you have the best possible method for peacefulness and reliability. What do you think is causing the fear and confusion?

 

[Fragile]

congratulations, now you have the best way to CTB in your hands.

like faust said, hide it. it's unlikely that you'll get a visit from the authorities, specially now with the coronavirus outbreak but it's better to be safe than sorry.

and now, what to do?... do nothing! take this as a victory.
really, try to enjoy life and take your thoughts away from this topic, give life another chance, make a bucket list or do whatever you want. now you have the best "safety net" in case life gets much more unbearable, a peaceful exit that you can take any time you feel like there is nothing left to try.

that's what i'm trying to do, after i got my N i felt for the first time in my life some sense of control, the thought that i have access to a painless and guaranteed death is enough to make me want to live a little bit longer. it still sucks but at least i don't have to worry about finding a good method anymore.

 

[LifeAfterDeath00]

You were so happy and excited to be able to ctb when you ordered SN, like a dream come true. But you had been so concerned about SN failing if you didn't get meto, didn't want to end up in a psych ward. Now you have the best possible method for peacefulness and reliability. What do you think is causing the fear and confusion?

The very thing I want to kill, is my ability to think. And all these years, my thoughts have never been kind to me, now that I have what I need to kill it, it again is building its own scheme. Before, I couldn't get a good night sleep, because I would hear a voice? telling me I should kill myself. And for the first time, I slept peacefully last night. I even had a beautiful dream. I don't know, if I hate myself, if my brain is like a parasite, why is it stopping me? I have one theory it knows if I die, it dies with me, but again if I live, it will take every chance it gets to torture me. I will do it. But I need to make sure my SI is null, I need to trick myself.

 

[jgm63]

The very thing I want to kill, is my ability to think. And all these years, my thoughts have never been kind to me, now that I have what I need to kill it, it again is building its own scheme. Before, I couldn't get a good night sleep, because I would hear a voice? telling me I should kill myself. And for the first time, I slept peacefully last night. I even had a beautiful dream. I don't know, if I hate myself, if my brain is like a parasite, why is it stopping me? I have one theory it knows if I die, it dies with me, but again if I live, it will take every chance it gets to torture me. I will do it. But I need to make sure my SI is null, I need to trick myself.

You could try watching these :

Spoiler: HOW TO STOP THINKING

Spoiler: Start Meditating NOW

 

[MoreThanAFeeling]

Wow, congratulations

 

[Csmith8827]

That's a huge congratulations buddy!