I got my learners permit

[Water-Lily]

Now I need to find a driving school to practice at. My dad and grandma are happy for me, and my dad and aunt can give me driving pointers. However, I am not fully happy

On one hand I am excelling and taking greater strides than the year previous. A year ago I'd wake up late, staying in bed, ordering junk food, feeling trapped due to my brothers abuse, and reliving the trauma my mom put me through. I wanted to die but didn't want to either, and spent my days on SS lashing out at kind souls who only wanted to help

I am not magically "better" and there is still so much to do healing wise. Suicidality is still with me and there is this fear of letting myself feel happy. What's the point, if disappointment is right around the corner?

I am still processing so much, the onion peeling of trauma. I've also realized how lonely I really feel and crave human contact

It all feels so heavy and hard, and it's not so much that i want to die, I just want to escape my mind

On the flip side I managed to talk to my brother one on one 2 days ago. He was still rude as ever but I feel somewhat lighter.

 

[whatevs]

Damn, it sounds good. You're on the right track, IMO.

I have to get the license too, it's something I just need to do next. Terrifying.

 

[Water-Lily]

Damn, it sounds good. You're on the right track, IMO.

I have to get the license too, it's something I just need to do next. Terrifying.

I've been scared too. I think it's why I spent so long just gaming and escaping. I was tired of being abused wherever I went. I was tired of being traumatized. I just wanted to feel safe so I just stayed inside and created an illusion of safety. It was hell, but I was numb to it

Putting yourself out there means dealing with life, though the greater hell lies in stagnation. I hope things go well with your license

 

[Lullaby]

You've been making a lot of progress, super proud of you! And you should be of yourself too. It hasn't been easy doing what you're doing, but you've been sticking with it.

 

[lofi]

Great job! That's something to be very proud of.

 

[WhiteDespair]

vacant parking lots are perfect places to practice, regardless of driving school.

 

[TTD]

Congrats and a step in the right direction for sure.

 

[Water-Lily]

vacant parking lots are perfect places to practice, regardless of driving school.

My dad said this. He's thinking of taking us to PA or finding some empty parking space to use

 

[WhiteDespair]

My dad said this. He's thinking of taking us to PA or finding some empty parking space to use

theres usually a kohls or walmart lot thats vacant at night or in the evening. unless you live in like a new jersey city or something there should be a bunch of lots around.

churches on not Sunday are pretty good too.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Vacant lot is best as people say but be careful about how you drive in there. Drive too aggressive cops may be called

In USA there are many sexually frustrated cops who are bald with very little to do and they always want to bother

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Now I need to find a driving school to practice at. My dad and grandma are happy for me, and my dad and aunt can give me driving pointers. However, I am not fully happy

On one hand I am excelling and taking greater strides than the year previous. A year ago I'd wake up late, staying in bed, ordering junk food, feeling trapped due to my brothers abuse, and reliving the trauma my mom put me through. I wanted to die but didn't want to either, and spent my days on SS lashing out at kind souls who only wanted to help

I am not magically "better" and there is still so much to do healing wise. Suicidality is still with me and there is this fear of letting myself feel happy. What's the point, if disappointment is right around the corner?

I am still processing so much, the onion peeling of trauma. I've also realized how lonely I really feel and crave human contact

It all feels so heavy and hard, and it's not so much that i want to die, I just want to escape my mind

On the flip side I managed to talk to my brother one on one 2 days ago. He was still rude as ever but I feel somewhat lighter.

I'm really glad to know that you're trying to do something for yourself. That's great progress and definitely a step towards recovery.

I hope you continue on this path and that everything goes well for you. You really deserve it. Baby steps.

 

[Pluto]

Wish you lived in my area. I'm a driving instructor and would love to help you out.

Getting help from parents is important. In Victoria, learners are now required to complete 120 hours of driving practice before sitting the test. Back in my day, I must have gotten about 2 hours because my father refused to help. Makes me all the more passionate about helping others when opportunities arise.

Keep kicking that ass. :)