Venting I got my hopes up :(

[ThatStateOfMind]

I got my hopes up. My ex called me and (god this is gonna make me sound so bad and selfish) vented about her boyfriend and I really hoped they would've broken up. She was talking about how they were having problems and stuff and I got my hopes up.

I just miss her so fucking much. I also can't message or call her tomorrow because she's hanging out with him. I was happier earlier today but as usual, something slightly bad happened and my mood changed. Now I feel awful. I hate this feeling.

She's made it very clear she doesn't want to lead me on and also I had to push her to tell me this stuff yesterday, I want to say that so you guys know she isn't just using me for emotional support. She actually wanted to get off call yesterday due to her being so upset. J wish they would've broken up. Call me selfish, or a bad person, I don't care honestly, I know I am.

I wish I had SN but I don't want to buy it rn because I can't think clearly and I want suicide to be a thought out process for me if I do decide to do it.

I hate this shit honestly, I miss her so bad, and I wish they'd break up. He ignored her the whole day, talks to his ex, didn't call her, all this, and I got broken up with for being too attached. I'm not in a good headspace right now at all. I'm trying to think positively like "oh at least I helped her" or "oh maybe today will be different" and every time bro, every time it seems to go wrong. I know it's not a very huge thing but it feels large to me. I know I can overcome this but omg do I want to end it rn.

Cutting her off isn't an option, without her, I might actually CTB, she's a big part of why I haven't. I sound like such a broken record on this forum but so many people have been kind and lended an ear to me in my darkest times. It's just sad I'm so fucking attached to one person. I feel like I can't live without her bro, I feel like I'm suffocating in quick sand or something. I know I can push through because I have before through worse.

Anyways I'm gonna end this vent now. Sorry for posting such long and repetitive posts, everyone here is just kind to me when people in real life aren't or don't really listen to me.

TLDR: Wanted my ex's relationship with her current bf to end but it didn't and now I'm sad.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this pain. I understand the perils of attachment, particularly when feelings are unrequited. It's been the story of most of my life. I wish my experience yielded some advice I could pass on to you to help you feel better, but sadly, the well is dry in that regard. Others have always just told me to "move on" but that is always easier said than done.

I can, however, offer you empathy and a virtual hug. I know it's not enough, but I want you to know people are thinking of you and care for you.

And fwiw, I'm glad you're taking a considered approach to ctb and aren't acting rashly on emotion. It sounds like you're willing to push through. That suggests that life holds some promise for you. Maybe focus on that for a bit?

 

[CentreMid]

I'm sorry all of this is happening. Relationships are messy, and it's okay and not selfish to wish your ex would break up. You miss her and that's completely normal, and wanting her to break up is just a byproduct of that. Goodness knows I've felt that way too many times myself! I do hope you find peace though, whatever that looks like to you

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this pain. I understand the perils of attachment, particularly when feelings are unrequited. It's been the story of most of my life. I wish my experience yielded some advice I could pass on to you to help you feel better, but sadly, the well is dry in that regard. Others have always just told me to "move on" but that is always easier said than done.

I can, however, offer you empathy and a virtual hug. I know it's not enough, but I want you to know people are thinking of you and care for you.

And fwiw, I'm glad you're taking a considered approach to ctb and aren't acting rashly on emotion. It sounds like you're willing to push through. That suggests that life holds some promise for you. Maybe focus on that for a bit?

Thing with me is they're not unrequited, she's actually told me she feels the same but also wants to give this guy a fair chance. I don't really know how she's gonna do that when she's talking to me behind his back but I don't question much in life anymore. It's definitely easier said than done to move on, especially because I was friends with her for so long.

Also I truly appreciate the empathy and virtual hug as well, and knowing that someone has felt similar validates my plight I suppose.

And I think life might hold something for me so that's actually one of the reasons I'm holding on. I'm still very young honestly, and it's not worth it right now to me.

I'm sorry all of this is happening. Relationships are messy, and it's okay and not selfish to wish your ex would break up. You miss her and that's completely normal, and wanting her to break up is just a byproduct of that. Goodness knows I've felt that way too many times myself! I do hope you find peace though, whatever that looks like to you

Thanks, obviously in an ideal world she'd break up with him and come back to me but we definitely don't live in an ideal world. It's hard knowing she feels the same, as she's told me as much, and not knowing what she's going to do.

 

[CentreMid]

Thing with me is they're not unrequited, she's actually told me she feels the same but also wants to give this guy a fair chance. I don't really know how she's gonna do that when she's talking to me behind his back but I don't question much in life anymore. It's definitely easier said than done to move on, especially because I was friends with her for so long.

Also I truly appreciate the empathy and virtual hug as well, and knowing that someone has felt similar validates my plight I suppose.

And I think life might hold something for me so that's actually one of the reasons I'm holding on. I'm still very young honestly, and it's not worth it right now to me.

Thanks, obviously in an ideal world she'd break up with him and come back to me but we definitely don't live in an ideal world. It's hard knowing she feels the same, as she's told me as much, and not knowing what she's going to do.

Well, this given that she says she's going to give this other person a chance, let her do her thing. If she breaks up with him, be there for her and support her. Don't ask her out immediately. Let her process her emotions. Once she's done that, then you could probably start dropping hints at liking her if you still have feelings for her at that point. If both of you have matured enough to rekindle your romance, then that's great! But do keep in mind that she may not have feelings for you anymore, just as you may not have feelings for her as time passes. Best of luck!

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Well, this given that she says she's going to give this other person a chance, let her do her thing. If she breaks up with him, be there for her and support her. Don't ask her out immediately. Let her process her emotions. Once she's done that, then you could probably start dropping hints at liking her if you still have feelings for her at that point. If both of you have matured enough to rekindle your romance, then that's great! But do keep in mind that she may not have feelings for you anymore, just as you may not have feelings for her as time passes. Best of luck!

Yeah I plan on it, we've already agreed that if they do break up and we want to give it another shot, we're starting off as friends, and building up slowly again. I've always been good at supporting her, I know her better than just about anyone excluding herself, her sisters and parents. Thanks for the good luck wishes, when I last asked, we both had feelings for each other which hasn't faded yet but who knows, they might with time, they could even come back later. We lost our v-card to each other and I don't know, I just feel like that makes the connection even stronger, but I might be wrong. I appreciate your support though, I'm trying to take it one day at a time but life is brutal sometimes.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Hours later, I do want to say I feel slightly better but not much at all. Probably just because I'm tired. I'm gonna try to keep my mind off of her tomorrow but I'm probably going to fail miserably. Guess that teaches me to keep expectations and hope under control.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful being in that situation, it does seem as though in this world having any kind of hope usually just leads to more suffering. Life really is so cruel and disappointing after all. But anyway, I wish you the best.

 

[BBBB]

Don't apologize for posting here/venting. I completely relate to your posts as I am struggling with similar issues. Of course, I wish you weren't dealing with these issues but your posts actually help me feel less alone in my pain.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I can relate, I was once so fixated on someone that if he didn't reply to my texts, I would regularly threaten suicide just to get his attention (he had a busy job), or call him (no exaggeration) 100 times in a day. Eventually he cut me off. I basically thought that he could solve all my problems in life and pinned all my hopes for life on him, much like you did.

It sounds like you have no choice but to move on, like me. But you're telling yourself deep down that you still have a chance. You don't, unless she initiates it on her own. It's out of your control.

Let that fill you with peace. No matter what you do the outcome will be the same, so you don't need to do anything. Breakups hurt because you believe you have a chance still or that you could have had a chance if you'd done things differently. You can't create a chance for yourself and you can't change the past. Take that energy and put it into yourself and your own life, and you'll be surprised by the results. I know you can.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Don't apologize for posting here/venting. I completely relate to your posts as I am struggling with similar issues. Of course, I wish you weren't dealing with these issues but your posts actually help me feel less alone in my pain.

I get what you mean, it feels good not feeling like you're alone in all of this. I feel like my situation is so different from anyone else's I've read tho. She's admitted she still has feelings and want to try again but also she told me not to get my hopes up on this off chance that her and this guy she's with works. But she's also said she doesn't have much faith in them working so I feel lost.

I can relate, I was once so fixated on someone that if he didn't reply to my texts, I would regularly threaten suicide just to get his attention (he had a busy job), or call him (no exaggeration) 100 times in a day. Eventually he cut me off. I basically thought that he could solve all my problems in life and pinned all my hopes for life on him, much like you did.

It sounds like you have no choice but to move on, like me. But you're telling yourself deep down that you still have a chance. You don't, unless she initiates it on her own. It's out of your control.

Let that fill you with peace. No matter what you do the outcome will be the same, so you don't need to do anything. Breakups hurt because you believe you have a chance still or that you could have had a chance if you'd done things differently. You can't create a chance for yourself and you can't change the past. Take that energy and put it into yourself and your own life, and you'll be surprised by the results. I know you can.

Here's the thing though, she pretty much has admitted I do still have a chance so idk what to do. That's why my situation feels so tough I think, I don't know how this is going to play out, but I fucking hate uncertainty. I have been working on self improvement though, working out somewhat regularly, which I stopped when we got together because I spent a ton of time with her. I've never been in super good shape nor do I desire to be, it's a way to pass time and release the feel-good endorphins. I've also hung out with friends more. It's not like my life revolves around my ex, but I still do love her and it's not something I can give up easily.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I get what you mean, it feels good not feeling like you're alone in all of this. I feel like my situation is so different from anyone else's I've read tho. She's admitted she still has feelings and want to try again but also she told me not to get my hopes up on this off chance that her and this guy she's with works. But she's also said she doesn't have much faith in them working so I feel lost.

Here's the thing though, she pretty much has admitted I do still have a chance so idk what to do. That's why my situation feels so tough I think, I don't know how this is going to play out, but I fucking hate uncertainty. I have been working on self improvement though, working out somewhat regularly, which I stopped when we got together because I spent a ton of time with her. I've never been in super good shape nor do I desire to be, it's a way to pass time and release the feel-good endorphins. I've also hung out with friends more. It's not like my life revolves around my ex, but I still do love her and it's not something I can give up easily.

OK. But is there actually anything you can say or do to her make that chance go up? If not, the same principle applies. Don't want to come across as too desperate, either. I would focus on yourself and if she's interested in you, she'll come. I'd say it's more likely she stays interested in you if she sees you being content/successful alone.

 

[ermurazor]

I was in the same situation. I loved my ex so much, i would have done anything for him. He broke up with me and dated someone else few weeks after that.
And i was there as his emotional punching bag. He always said that he still loved me and maybe in the future we still would be together. But then, why did he break up in the first place?
Honestly, it was all about validation and his ego.
I learned to not give a fuck about what people say or tell me. Its Actions which show our true intentions.
I know you might not wanna hear this, but it would be good if you'd move on. We tend to put people on a podest when were head over heels. And most people dont deserve being put on a podest. Especially not if it hurts us and our feelings.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

OK. But is there actually anything you can say or do to her make that chance go up? If not, the same principle applies. Don't want to come across as too desperate, either. I would focus on yourself and if she's interested in you, she'll come. I'd say it's more likely she stays interested in you if she sees you being content/successful alone.

This is true, there isn't anything I can do to better my chances, I guess besides trying to be supportive, which I already do.

I was in the same situation. I loved my ex so much, i would have done anything for him. He broke up with me and dated someone else few weeks after that.
And i was there as his emotional punching bag. He always said that he still loved me and maybe in the future we still would be together. But then, why did he break up in the first place?
Honestly, it was all about validation and his ego.
I learned to not give a fuck about what people say or tell me. Its Actions which show our true intentions.
I know you might not wanna hear this, but it would be good if you'd move on. We tend to put people on a podest when we're head over heels. And most people dont deserve being put on a podest. Especially not if it hurts us and our feelings.

Yeah, maybe. I'm not ready to move on yet honestly. I will if it becomes too much or I completely lose hope, she's the only one I know who listens to what I have to say, and the only person I'm completely emotionally open with.

 

[Sunset Limited]

Hope things go well for you dude.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Hope things go well for you dude.

Thanks dude, I hope it goes well for me, I'm trying not to be too upset rn but it's hard not to.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I want to thank everyone for the positive responses here. I still feel awful. I also forgot to mention in my post, that the morning after she called and vented to me, she called him and worked it out. I lowkey was hoping to wake up and see they broke up but I didn't. This stuff has me upset though.