Venting I got a new job and I want to kill myself

[Usako0504]

I got a new job today and I want to kill myself, it's customer service again.

I worked for years to become a product designer in tech only to come upon a very toxic team that I was pushed out of and now can't find another job because of the layoffs in tech. It's been months since I was fired and my unemployment runs out this week so I don't have a choice. I worked my ass off for years doing free work for other people, staying in an abusive relationship because I was trying to get to a place in my career where I could be self-sufficient and none of it matters basically. I moved back to where I was raped and had to deal with those people again because the company that hired me in tech was there. Now I'm trapped in this place filled with trauma for me and I have to go back to customer service after I did everything not to say there. I lost my relationship and my ex absolutely hates me because I left him and he choose not to move with me because he didn't want to leave his hometown, for that job and I have nothing to show for it. It's like being in this job erases all the work I did and I feel like I'll be trapped.

I read the reviews for my company because I got a weird vibe because they hired me very quickly and something seemed off and I was correct, the glassdoor reviews talked about how absolutely toxic, one review even described the place as,"Evil" and management as racist and biased. I'm tired of being abused at the jobs I've been at and I don't know what to do. I started lying on my resume to see if I could try and just get out of not doing customer service, but I'm still stuck.

I had spoken to 30+ recruiters and they all basically ghosted me in my field. I've given up applying to jobs in my field. In the past month I applied to over 150 just regular office jobs like receptionist or office manager or administrator and have had 10 interviews and none of them have panned out and I will not be able to pay my bills this month if I don't get something.

I think my friends are sick of me talking of it, one of them told me that it was just temporary and it's not a big deal and I could "choose to see it as permanent" but it IS a big deal. I literally crawled out of customer service for fucking 7 years and got to being in tech and I literally lost everything. My ideal career was the only thing that was keeping me going, the only thing that was keeping me from ending it all was just me being good and useful and being able to live off of my work but now I'm literally back to square one and I don't want to do this anymore. I wish I had killed myself before. This fucking sucks.

I don't think I'm gonna make it to 30 at this point. I want to ctb, I think if I don't get another job not in customer service I'm gonna ctb this summer. I don't want to do this anymore. I have literally nothing left to live for and everything I've ever done seems to be just a fucking joke and a waste.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to put in a shitton of effort and just end up even more stuck than before. It's understandable that losing your ideal job and not being able to find another similar one have greatly discouraged you. You chose to sacrifice your relationship and now it's all come to naught I get why you don't want to try yet again.

I guess the only piece of advice I have is to take what you can get for now. You don't know if or when CTB is going to happen and unemployment obviously doesn't make anything better even if the job sucks. Getting 10 interviews out of 150 applications submitted sounds like pretty par for the course. The job hunt is ultimately a numbers game and unfortunately the only way to win at one of those is to keep on playing...

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful and stressful what you have to go through, it's just so incredibly unfair how you have to suffer like this. Life really is so cruel.

 

[Georg]

Reminds me of the smiths:

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about such a predicament. As someone who does not enjoy customer service and not the best dealing with people, I can somehow relate to wanting to CTB to escape this hellish existence. Whatever happens down the road, I hope you will come to peace with your decision.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I'm sorry to hear. Am not sure what career advice I could give, but least you're not alone, it doesn't sound like any of this was your fault. Don't let this impact your self-worth too hard.

 

[Usako0504]

I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to put in a shitton of effort and just end up even more stuck than before. It's understandable that losing your ideal job and not being able to find another similar one have greatly discouraged you. You chose to sacrifice your relationship and now it's all come to naught I get why you don't want to try yet again.

I guess the only piece of advice I have is to take what you can get for now. You don't know if or when CTB is going to happen and unemployment obviously doesn't make anything better even if the job sucks. Getting 10 interviews out of 150 applications submitted sounds like pretty par for the course. The job hunt is ultimately a numbers game and unfortunately the only way to win at one of those is to keep on playing...

it's just frustrating when I'm getting to second and third stage interviews and still getting rejected because they "think I'll leave" or they "don't understand why I'm there" like, I just want a job that won't make me want to kill myself.

I'm sorry to hear. Am not sure what career advice I could give, but least you're not alone, it doesn't sound like any of this was your fault. Don't let this impact your self-worth too hard.

It's hard not to let it impact my self worth... because my career was really all I had. I don't have a close loving family, and now I'm left without a partner and I'm broke... so it took everything away from me it feels like.

I'm sorry to hear about such a predicament. As someone who does not enjoy customer service and not the best dealing with people, I can somehow relate to wanting to CTB to escape this hellish existence. Whatever happens down the road, I hope you will come to peace with your decision.

Thank you, I'm hoping at some point if things don't get better I get the fortitude to end things quickly.

 

[Mthom2]

I feel for you. Customer service is one of the worst jobs you could have. I know. I do it too, and it's a near daily nightmare.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

it's just frustrating when I'm getting to second and third stage interviews and still getting rejected because they "think I'll leave" or they "don't understand why I'm there" like, I just want a job that won't make me want to kill myself.

It definitely is frustrating, but I think the odds are still on your side that you can find something suitable. I know you're on a strict timeline though. And I do hope you can find another job in your industry.

 

[RedKingdom]

Reminds me of the smiths:

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

Fucking love that song. Pretty much sums up my life lol

 

[Usako0504]

I feel for you. Customer service is one of the worst jobs you could have. I know. I do it too, and it's a near daily nightmare.

customer service is one of the most miserable jobs. I hate it so much.

 

[endless_pain]

In fact I have done a customer service job and especially for highly sensitive people is a nightmare.
I relate so much also to your post overall.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

I got a new job today and I want to kill myself, it's customer service again.

I worked for years to become a product designer in tech only to come upon a very toxic team that I was pushed out of and now can't find another job because of the layoffs in tech. It's been months since I was fired and my unemployment runs out this week so I don't have a choice. I worked my ass off for years doing free work for other people, staying in an abusive relationship because I was trying to get to a place in my career where I could be self-sufficient and none of it matters basically. I moved back to where I was raped and had to deal with those people again because the company that hired me in tech was there. Now I'm trapped in this place filled with trauma for me and I have to go back to customer service after I did everything not to say there. I lost my relationship and my ex absolutely hates me because I left him and he choose not to move with me because he didn't want to leave his hometown, for that job and I have nothing to show for it. It's like being in this job erases all the work I did and I feel like I'll be trapped.

I read the reviews for my company because I got a weird vibe because they hired me very quickly and something seemed off and I was correct, the glassdoor reviews talked about how absolutely toxic, one review even described the place as,"Evil" and management as racist and biased. I'm tired of being abused at the jobs I've been at and I don't know what to do. I started lying on my resume to see if I could try and just get out of not doing customer service, but I'm still stuck.

I had spoken to 30+ recruiters and they all basically ghosted me in my field. I've given up applying to jobs in my field. In the past month I applied to over 150 just regular office jobs like receptionist or office manager or administrator and have had 10 interviews and none of them have panned out and I will not be able to pay my bills this month if I don't get something.

I think my friends are sick of me talking of it, one of them told me that it was just temporary and it's not a big deal and I could "choose to see it as permanent" but it IS a big deal. I literally crawled out of customer service for fucking 7 years and got to being in tech and I literally lost everything. My ideal career was the only thing that was keeping me going, the only thing that was keeping me from ending it all was just me being good and useful and being able to live off of my work but now I'm literally back to square one and I don't want to do this anymore. I wish I had killed myself before. This fucking sucks.

I don't think I'm gonna make it to 30 at this point. I want to ctb, I think if I don't get another job not in customer service I'm gonna ctb this summer. I don't want to do this anymore. I have literally nothing left to live for and everything I've ever done seems to be just a fucking joke and a waste.

Im really sorry anon. If you were a guy I'd recommend you go do construction or factory labor, but for you I have no idea... What a horrible situation. Nightmarish. Wishing you the best of luck.

 

[downndone2]

I was able to find a job in my field just not doing anything close to what I want to be doing. I hate it other than the money. I hope you find what you're looking for soon.