i got 5150’ed

[Kadaver]

So its been awhile since I've logged in. the last thing I posted about was ordering SN from DMC (I think that's the "code name" people use on here?) well it did arrive. Way way sooner than I ever expected it to. I placed my order on the 18th of June and it arrived the 20th of the same month somehow? I'm not sure.

What I do know is that I did NOT expect it to arrive so soon so I wasn't looking for it. I didn't get an email or notification saying it had come. My roommate opened the package while I was sleeping and woke me up a few hours later to confront me about it.

We talked for awhile before the police came. There was more than two that entered the house (I can't remember the exact number). They told me I couldn't shower or leave their sight. I went with them willingly and they handcuffed me (with my hands in front of me) and took my phone when I tried to use it. There was way more cop cars outside than necessary; at least three. i felt like a criminal.

They took me to a hospital where I signed some paperwork and was put in what I consider a habitat. It was a hallway with three rooms; a sitting room with a small TV encased in some kind of plastic and two sleeping rooms. It also had a big window almost like a two-way mirror.

They gave me two blankets and left me there. There was no clocks and nothing to do so I slept with them coming in to take vitals and ask questions every now and then. I tried to lie about why I was there but it was no use. My roommate told them everything.

Speaking of questions the dumbass nurse couldn't seem to figure out if I was AFAB or AMAB even though I point-blank told her. They asked me multiple times to clarify.

I woke up again to two EMS workers wheeling a stretcher into my "habitat" and I remember feeling like they were making a mountain out of a molehill. I could walk for Christ's sake. I didn't fight them and just laid on the stretcher and they fucking strapped me down and wheeled me out of the hospital and into an EMS van.

They didn't tell me where we were going. When I got to the hospital I was told I could either sign myself in voluntarily or go through "mental health court" with a judge. I signed myself in.

I was there for two weeks essentially doing nothing. During my second day there some financial lady told me that my bill was going to be $1,000+ and I instantly began to panic. That's everything in my savings account. My roommate initially told me that he would pay it because he had 5150'ed me but then later told me I would figure out a way to pay it. So I guess its my issue to worry about.

I got out on the 5th of July and things only really went downhill from there.

Suddenly it was like my roommate/best friend couldn't stand to be around me. Apparently I "stressed him out" and he ultimately decided I would leave and go back to my dads place for a month to give him some space. I'm still there and I'm terrified he's going to change his mind and not let me come back.

I've been trying to give him space and not text him too much. He doesn't reciprocate when I tell him that I miss/love him. He barely texts me back when I do text him. I feel like shit and I wish he hadn't have stopped me.

He made me promise not to use this site but I feel like I have nowhere else I can vent my feelings without stressing people out and I'm afraid anything I say to the people I care about will make its way back to him.

Also as a note do not ask me for a link to the source. I don't feel comfortable giving it out. Please respect that.

 

[whotookmylexapro]

Thats so fucking toxic. From your roomate calling the cops, being treated like a criminal, wasting time in the hospital against your will with a massive bill, and then your roomate has the audacity to say it "stressed him out" ???

Literally youre the only one who has the right to be stressed out. That is very manipulative of your roommate. I hope you are able to recover from this. Some people are so cruel

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I'm sorry for what you're going through :( Just being forcibly taken by police and locked up sounds traumatic enough on top of what you're already going through

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for what you have been through. That was a dick thing for your roommate to do.
It's horrible that we have to pay for medical bills when we don't want to be alive.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm so sorry...you shouldn't have to experience this...

Why would you want to go back to someone who did this to you?
Isn't there another option?

 

[Kadaver]

Thats so fucking toxic. From your roomate calling the cops, being treated like a criminal, wasting time in the hospital against your will with a massive bill, and then your roomate has the audacity to say it "stressed him out" ???

Literally youre the only one who has the right to be stressed out. That is very manipulative of your roommate. I hope you are able to recover from this. Some people are so cruel

Yeah the way my roommate treated me when I got back really hurt. When I was in the hospital he told me that he wanted to do things when I got out and then when I did get out he told me just being around me was to much.

Not even a week after I had gotten out he started inviting his girlfriend over without even asking me how I felt about it. And I get, its his house but fuck man, I was just in the hospital for a suicide attempt.

I'm sorry for what you have been through. That was a dick thing for your roommate to do.
It's horrible that we have to pay for medical bills when we don't want to be alive.

I don't get why I (or anyone who is 5150'ed) has to pay a bill. Like I didn't choose to be here you forced me

 

[Nikitatos]

Opening someone else's mail is a federal offense in America.

 

[Kadaver]

I'm so sorry...you shouldn't have to experience this...

Why would you want to go back to someone who did this to you?
Isn't there another option?

I love him very much. He's my best friend and I know he didn't 5150 me out of malice. I also just don't have any other option. I can hardly hold a job and my roommate/best friend were talking a lot about me going on disability because of my mental health.

I just feel like such a failure. I wish I didn't have all these issues and I could just be happy and live

Opening someone else's mail is a federal offense in America.

He didn't do it on purpose. Basically what happened is I was asleep and the cleaners came over and handed him all the mail that had been outside and I think he just assumed it had all been for him? That's what he told me at least.

But yeah I know its technically illegal to open mail that's not yours but he's my best friend I'm not going to sue him or anything

 

[Kalista]

I was there for two weeks essentially doing nothing. During my second day there some financial lady told me that my bill was going to be $1,000+ and I instantly began to panic. That's everything in my savings account. My roommate initially told me that he would pay it because he had 5150'ed me but then later told me I would figure out a way to pay it. So I guess its my issue to worry about.

Suddenly it was like my roommate/best friend couldn't stand to be around me. Apparently I "stressed him out" and he ultimately decided I would leave and go back to my dads place for a month to give him some space. I'm still there and I'm terrified he's going to change his mind and not let me come back.

selfish bastard..

I just feel like such a failure. I wish I didn't have all these issues and I could just be happy and live

i understand you're biased towards him, but this isn't something you should ever be blaming yourself for. the consequences of people intervening to that extent without talking to you first to understand what you're going through is far more damaging. once the authorities are involved, they are involved, then you lose any choice or sense freedom you have. leaving you with no voice in the matter

 

[Raven_Nevermore]

So its been awhile since I've logged in. the last thing I posted about was ordering SN from DMC (I think that's the "code name" people use on here?) well it did arrive. Way way sooner than I ever expected it to. I placed my order on the 18th of June and it arrived the 20th of the same month somehow? I'm not sure.

What I do know is that I did NOT expect it to arrive so soon so I wasn't looking for it. I didn't get an email or notification saying it had come. My roommate opened the package while I was sleeping and woke me up a few hours later to confront me about it.

We talked for awhile before the police came. There was more than two that entered the house (I can't remember the exact number). They told me I couldn't shower or leave their sight. I went with them willingly and they handcuffed me (with my hands in front of me) and took my phone when I tried to use it. There was way more cop cars outside than necessary; at least three. i felt like a criminal.

They took me to a hospital where I signed some paperwork and was put in what I consider a habitat. It was a hallway with three rooms; a sitting room with a small TV encased in some kind of plastic and two sleeping rooms. It also had a big window almost like a two-way mirror.

They gave me two blankets and left me there. There was no clocks and nothing to do so I slept with them coming in to take vitals and ask questions every now and then. I tried to lie about why I was there but it was no use. My roommate told them everything.

Speaking of questions the dumbass nurse couldn't seem to figure out if I was AFAB or AMAB even though I point-blank told her. They asked me multiple times to clarify.

I woke up again to two EMS workers wheeling a stretcher into my "habitat" and I remember feeling like they were making a mountain out of a molehill. I could walk for Christ's sake. I didn't fight them and just laid on the stretcher and they fucking strapped me down and wheeled me out of the hospital and into an EMS van.

They didn't tell me where we were going. When I got to the hospital I was told I could either sign myself in voluntarily or go through "mental health court" with a judge. I signed myself in.

I was there for two weeks essentially doing nothing. During my second day there some financial lady told me that my bill was going to be $1,000+ and I instantly began to panic. That's everything in my savings account. My roommate initially told me that he would pay it because he had 5150'ed me but then later told me I would figure out a way to pay it. So I guess its my issue to worry about.

I got out on the 5th of July and things only really went downhill from there.

Suddenly it was like my roommate/best friend couldn't stand to be around me. Apparently I "stressed him out" and he ultimately decided I would leave and go back to my dads place for a month to give him some space. I'm still there and I'm terrified he's going to change his mind and not let me come back.

I've been trying to give him space and not text him too much. He doesn't reciprocate when I tell him that I miss/love him. He barely texts me back when I do text him. I feel like shit and I wish he hadn't have stopped me.

He made me promise not to use this site but I feel like I have nowhere else I can vent my feelings without stressing people out and I'm afraid anything I say to the people I care about will make its way back to him.

Also as a note do not ask me for a link to the source. I don't feel comfortable giving it out. Please respect that.

I'm so sorry you went and are still going through all this. I, too, have had roommates that I trusted were my friends and they both betrayed me in very similar ways. That isn't right! It sucks big time and some people suck big time.

 

[Kadaver]

I'm so sorry you went and are still going through all this. I, too, have had roommates that I trusted were my friends and they both betrayed me in very similar ways. That isn't right! It sucks big time and some people suck big time.

I don't even really feel like him 5150ing me was a betrayal. I would've done the same thing if I were in his shoes. What hurts is the things he says. Sometimes during our rough patches, he just says things that feel so utterly cruel. Like he's trying to cut as deep as he can.

 

[Raven_Nevermore]

I don't even really feel like him 5150ing me was a betrayal. I would've done the same thing if I were in his shoes. What hurts is the things he says. Sometimes during our rough patches, he just says things that feel so utterly cruel. Like he's trying to cut as deep as he can.

I'm so sorry. When are people going to realize that their words are so cruel and often cause far more harm than physical abuse.

 

[Kadaver]

I'm so sorry. When are people going to realize that their words are so cruel and often cause far more harm than physical abuse.

I wish that he would realize because he means so much to me

 

[Raven_Nevermore]

I wish that he would realize because he means so much to me

Sending you hugs if that's okay. Why is it the people closest to us are the ones who end up hurting us the most?
My Benadryl is kicking in. Not CTB tonight. Just itching like hell. I must be allergic to me. Sending you all hugs of support.

 

[msesis]

Reading this gives me second hand stress. It's all too familiar. And these very people would have the audacity to be like "I'm so sad!!" "I wish I could have done something" "there's nothing more I could have done" when the person does die.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. This is so awful to be treated like a criminal.

I don't even really feel like him 5150ing me was a betrayal. I would've done the same thing if I were in his shoes.

I mean, we're humans and we don't want to lose our friends/loved ones but isn't it a bit hypocritical if you would've done the same to your room mate, interfering in his personal decision?

 

[Kadaver]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. This is so awful to be treated like a criminal.


I mean, we're humans and we don't want to lose our friends/loved ones but isn't it a bit hypocritical if you would've done the same to your room mate, interfering in his personal decision?

Its not hypocritical because I'm not mad at him for stopping me

 

[Kadaver]

Reading this gives me second hand stress. It's all too familiar. And these very people would have the audacity to be like "I'm so sad!!" "I wish I could have done something" "there's nothing more I could have done" when the person does die.

Yeah I agree. I don't really know what he would say exactly if I did ctb, but I have no shortage of people in my life that pretend to care about me

 

[HowToCTB]

So its been awhile since I've logged in. the last thing I posted about was ordering SN from DMC (I think that's the "code name" people use on here?) well it did arrive. Way way sooner than I ever expected it to. I placed my order on the 18th of June and it arrived the 20th of the same month somehow? I'm not sure.

What I do know is that I did NOT expect it to arrive so soon so I wasn't looking for it. I didn't get an email or notification saying it had come. My roommate opened the package while I was sleeping and woke me up a few hours later to confront me about it.

We talked for awhile before the police came. There was more than two that entered the house (I can't remember the exact number). They told me I couldn't shower or leave their sight. I went with them willingly and they handcuffed me (with my hands in front of me) and took my phone when I tried to use it. There was way more cop cars outside than necessary; at least three. i felt like a criminal.

They took me to a hospital where I signed some paperwork and was put in what I consider a habitat. It was a hallway with three rooms; a sitting room with a small TV encased in some kind of plastic and two sleeping rooms. It also had a big window almost like a two-way mirror.

They gave me two blankets and left me there. There was no clocks and nothing to do so I slept with them coming in to take vitals and ask questions every now and then. I tried to lie about why I was there but it was no use. My roommate told them everything.

Speaking of questions the dumbass nurse couldn't seem to figure out if I was AFAB or AMAB even though I point-blank told her. They asked me multiple times to clarify.

I woke up again to two EMS workers wheeling a stretcher into my "habitat" and I remember feeling like they were making a mountain out of a molehill. I could walk for Christ's sake. I didn't fight them and just laid on the stretcher and they fucking strapped me down and wheeled me out of the hospital and into an EMS van.

They didn't tell me where we were going. When I got to the hospital I was told I could either sign myself in voluntarily or go through "mental health court" with a judge. I signed myself in.

I was there for two weeks essentially doing nothing. During my second day there some financial lady told me that my bill was going to be $1,000+ and I instantly began to panic. That's everything in my savings account. My roommate initially told me that he would pay it because he had 5150'ed me but then later told me I would figure out a way to pay it. So I guess its my issue to worry about.

I got out on the 5th of July and things only really went downhill from there.

Suddenly it was like my roommate/best friend couldn't stand to be around me. Apparently I "stressed him out" and he ultimately decided I would leave and go back to my dads place for a month to give him some space. I'm still there and I'm terrified he's going to change his mind and not let me come back.

I've been trying to give him space and not text him too much. He doesn't reciprocate when I tell him that I miss/love him. He barely texts me back when I do text him. I feel like shit and I wish he hadn't have stopped me.

He made me promise not to use this site but I feel like I have nowhere else I can vent my feelings without stressing people out and I'm afraid anything I say to the people I care about will make its way back to him.

Also as a note do not ask me for a link to the source. I don't feel comfortable giving it out. Please respect that.

I'm so sorry your friend was such a dick not only for reporting you but to open your stuff in the first place, which is disrespectful.

Your friend is probably acting on SI behalf, where he is scared of you because you are suicidal.

As a last thing, how would you feel if everyone you asked the source for had told you that they were uncomfortable sharing it? Or you found it yourself?
While I have the source myself, it still annoys me how people who got it become selfish.

We're more or less all on the same boat here. We should cooperate and help each other.

Peace out

 

[Ramsay Fiction]

This made me so mad to read. I'm struggling to put into words exactly why. Like the want to ctb makes you a horrible person and a criminal in the eyes of people who don't know what it's like.

Props to you for not being mad at him. Saved energy. Cuz I'd be absolutely livid.

 

[permanently tired]

Personally, I would've cut them off. One my friends in college got me held in the grippy sock factory and I blocked them on everything. I've mentioned to probably every friend that I want to ctb either casually or seriously. I told them if anyone ever called the cops on me, we're no longer friends. It does hurt a bit, but I set these rules for myself to avoid making overly emotional decisions.

You feel otherwise and that's fine, but ensure you won't regret your decision.

 

[Kadaver]

This made me so mad to read. I'm struggling to put into words exactly why. Like the want to ctb makes you a horrible person and a criminal in the eyes of people who don't know what it's like.

Props to you for not being mad at him. Saved energy. Cuz I'd be absolutely livid.

I think the part that upsets me is how he acted afterwards. I can understand not wanting to lose someone you love but the way he treated me when I got out made me feel like shit.

Like even now, I've texted him a few times yesterday and he's just ignored me every time and that hurts so badly. I want to text him again but I just feel so pathetic borderline begging him to reply. It makes me feel like I need him way more than he's ever needed me. Like to him I'm just not that important.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for what you are going through.
I was wrong to call your friend a dick for turning you in. I'm not wrong for saying he is a huge dick now for treating you like this.

 

[Serial Experi Pain]

Okay, see... I understand where you're coming from forgiving him for turning you in.. The way you see it is that it's one of your closest friends wanting to make sure you are safe...

But, if THAT'S the case, he's worried about your mental health and cares so much, why is he feeding your insecurities, your pain, your most toxic of feelings by ignoring you when you need someone the most and HE OF ALL PEOPLE is aware of it better than ANYONE ELSE?

That is what fucking enrages me and I don't see how you can excuse it at all... I feel for you, I have been in those situations, but luckily I talked myself out of the situation by explaining that I was just talking to my friend about how I was FEELING and would NEVER act on it, but when I was much younger I was locked up for every little thing possible... Still have a 4k bill from the last time when I was 19... I learned how to avoid it and I learned well.

I could excuse a friend trying to make sure I was safe for myself and others, but if they made my life that much harder and then they weren't even there for me and treated me like a ghost or worse once I got out, I'd be done for good. That's not someone who is looking out for you. That's a very selfish individual if you were clearly on the edge and they're worried about THEIR stress when they've had two weeks without you even being around... and they're not an idiot, they know saying something like "you're stressing me out" could easily be enough to send a recently suicidal person over the edge so that way they wouldnt be so "stressful" because most of us ALREADY feel like a burden ALL THE TIME AS IS.

Fuck your roomie, dude. Not sorry.

 

[Kadaver]

Okay, see... I understand where you're coming from forgiving him for turning you in.. The way you see it is that it's one of your closest friends wanting to make sure you are safe...

But, if THAT'S the case, he's worried about your mental health and cares so much, why is he feeding your insecurities, your pain, your most toxic of feelings by ignoring you when you need someone the most and HE OF ALL PEOPLE is aware of it better than ANYONE ELSE?

That is what fucking enrages me and I don't see how you can excuse it at all... I feel for you, I have been in those situations, but luckily I talked myself out of the situation by explaining that I was just talking to my friend about how I was FEELING and would NEVER act on it, but when I was much younger I was locked up for every little thing possible... Still have a 4k bill from the last time when I was 19... I learned how to avoid it and I learned well.

I could excuse a friend trying to make sure I was safe for myself and others, but if they made my life that much harder and then they weren't even there for me and treated me like a ghost or worse once I got out, I'd be done for good. That's not someone who is looking out for you. That's a very selfish individual if you were clearly on the edge and they're worried about THEIR stress when they've had two weeks without you even being around... and they're not an idiot, they know saying something like "you're stressing me out" could easily be enough to send a recently suicidal person over the edge so that way they wouldnt be so "stressful" because most of us ALREADY feel like a burden ALL THE TIME AS IS.

Fuck your roomie, dude. Not sorry.

I understand where you're coming from but he's done a lot for me. Without going into details, I'm a huge financial burden on him. Or at least I was before he sent me to live with my dad for a month.

He truly is my best friend and I love him very much

 

[Serial Experi Pain]

I understand where you're coming from but he's done a lot for me. Without going into details, I'm a huge financial burden on him. Or at least I was before he sent me to live with my dad for a month.

He truly is my best friend and I love him very much

I respect your choice, I really do... I understand what it is to be indebted to others, which is a massive reason one of my biggest issues is I'm totally alone and I will suffer greatly because I refuse any help that I need in the most dire situations. I have been conditioned and mentally/emotionally scarred to know there WILL be extremely painful consequences, (which I explained in another thread between commenting in this one) drives me into my bouts of anxiety, leading to manic proportions where I refuse to believe I will/can make it through, and then I want to CTB, and it's a seriously vicious cycle where I don't know if it will catch up with me eventually .

I have always been that friend for others because I haven't had anyone be that for me in a genuine way, so my brain auto knee-jerks into thinking-
If you're going to insist on being "that friend that is there to pick someone up when they're down", you're there because no one was there to do it for you, not because you expect anything, especially when you're dealing with people who are really dealing with a lot of shit, so buckle-up buttercup, of course they're gonna be "stressful" at times when they just so happen to be troubled. Even still, mad props to you for understanding your friend needs their space at the moment and needed time to think and feel. That is incredibly considerate of you despite the fact that you feel like they were your rock and like you could depend on them, even after what they did to you. I think most of us feel like we can be a lot to everyone in our lives sometimes, and it's important that we recognize and respect that, too. I truly hope for your sake and your feelings and high regard in which you hold this relationship, the way your friend is treating you is temporary. Maybe they're spiteful because you thought of leaving them. I don't know. I just feel like for the attempt to keep you here, their follow up actions are lacking AF, and I wish they would do better by you... I really do.

I still feel like the least he could do is reach out and tell you he cares or is thinking of you and hoping you're doing better every other day with knowing how close you were to CTB, and what your mindset was. I don't feel like that would take away too much of his "peace of mind", if anything I think that would ease a friends nerves. Kudos to you for forgiving him, but please don't let people be toxic towards you, co-depedency can be very dangerous, and I still have a hard time connecting with others because I'm afraid of allowing myself to fall into any kind of relationship, even platonic, where it could develop, so I've gone the opposite direction to the point where it's fucked me up so bad that it's unhealthy, and I have missed out on a lot because of it. You don't deserve that when you're already in pain.
You can love other people, but it by no means means that they will forever love you back, and when/if they don't, find ones that WILL.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this :(