I get scared

[iamsofkntired]

I couldn't do it I tied the rope and I couldn't jump , it was the perfect day and the perfect time but I just never jumped I dont even understand why , my brain just kept telling me to not do it and I was telling my self to just do it . I imagined my self jumping and my stomach would drop just imagining , my fingers were shaking and I was just a scared little girl , I don't understand how im gonna get over the fear . I'm not afraid of dying I'm just afraid of what's gonna happen to my brother and how will my body be found , anyone has any tips to stop the fear and stop the thoughts from flooding my brain . I am a coward Help please .

 

[Lost_my_soul]

This has been my pattern for the past 6 months, hope we will muster up some courage and end it soon, I know its scary, thats why I'm preferring SN, atleast SI will kick in only after I have already had it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing, it really should be much more straightforward to find permanent relief from this existence. But the way that I see it when I'm no longer existing whatever happens in this world could never be my concern as I simply won't exist, death erases everything for me.

 

[Faith_No_more]

it's a shame we have to resort to such brutal methods. and in a first world country on that.

 

[Old Friend]

I couldn't do it I tied the rope and I couldn't jump , it was the perfect day and the perfect time but I just never jumped I dont even understand why , my brain just kept telling me to not do it and I was telling my self to just do it . I imagined my self jumping and my stomach would drop just imagining , my fingers were shaking and I was just a scared little girl , I don't understand how im gonna get over the fear . I'm not afraid of dying I'm just afraid of what's gonna happen to my brother and how will my body be found , anyone has any tips to stop the fear and stop the thoughts from flooding my brain . I am a coward Help please .

I wouldn't say worrying about your brother makes you a coward. Maybe it's a way of telling you this is not the right path to take, or at least, maybe not the right time.

 

[iamsofkntired]

This has been my pattern for the past 6 months, hope we will muster up some courage and end it soon, I know its scary, thats why I'm preferring SN, atleast SI will kick in only after I have already had it.

i hope so , ill just try to just do it the seconed i tie the rope the next time , good luck with the sn

I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing, it really should be much more straightforward to find permanent relief from this existence. But the way that I see it when I'm no longer existing whatever happens in this world could never be my concern as I simply won't exist, death erases everything for me.

thats also how i used to think all of past attempts but my family has been guilt tripping me since my last attempt as it almost worked and i dont even know what to do im scared ill die and if theres an after life or something ill just spend it worrying about them

I wouldn't say worrying about your brother makes you a coward. Maybe it's a way of telling you this is not the right path to take, or at least, maybe not the right time.

maybe its not the right path but its the path i want i know ill hurt him and i still want it but when it becomes to real i just get too overwhelmed and i just want to stop the worrying not stop my journy on catchingtb

 

[R_N]

After a few attempts, last one being 2020 I gave up on trying to force myself to do it.

Personally I feel I won't do it unless the time is right and I came to a point where it feels like I can't exist anymore and have to die no matter what.

I think about suicide plenty and wish it was more simple. But, I am not attempting anymore because I won't commit fully. I just know it.


I am not saying everyone is like me, but sometimes I wonder how much we just want to escape some situations we are in compared to wanting to die and losing good parts as well. Even as a nihilist getting some pleasure out of life is too hard to let go forever.

Life is really a tragic thing, because people who don't have bad lives as much as we do will still have to part with it anyway, or worse before that happens.


I hope you find some kind of peace here and there, one way or the other.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

This has been my pattern for the past 6 months, hope we will muster up some courage and end it soon, I know its scary, thats why I'm preferring SN, atleast SI will kick in only after I have already had it.

Good thing with regards to SN, I've got benzos to help out.

 

[iamsofkntired]

After a few attempts, last one being 2020 I gave up on trying to force myself to do it.

Personally I feel I won't do it unless the time is right and I came to a point where it feels like I can't exist anymore and have to die no matter what.

I think about suicide plenty and wish it was more simple. But, I am not attempting anymore because I won't commit fully. I just know it.


I am not saying everyone is like me, but sometimes I wonder how much we just want to escape some situations we are in compared to wanting to die and losing good parts as well. Even as a nihilist getting some pleasure out of life is too hard to let go forever.

Life is really a tragic thing, because people who don't have bad lives as much as we do will still have to part with it anyway, or worse before that happens.


I hope you find some kind of peace here and there, one way or the other.

Yes i had that way of thinking too but I'm sure and i know that this the right time for me and I want nothing more than death but when it comes to action I just sit there

 

[R_N]

Yes i had that way of thinking too but I'm sure and i know that this the right time for me and I want nothing more than death but when it comes to action I just sit there

It is not easy for sure. One time I stopped in the middle of it even tho I felt there was no going back at all. But I still wasn't ready to see it through to the end I guess.

Maybe next time I go for it will be my last because I feel I won't attempt until I am completely done and have no means to cope anymore.