Venting I get PTSD from applying to jobs

[leaf2358]

I need a job. It's do or die now for me.

I have been applying for 2 years on and off but now I am applying more desparately than ever. I have been rejected multiple times. I have also received a job offer that got retracted. I am literally at the stage where I am begging recruiters for jobs and I don't even think I am a bad programmer at all. I know people who can't do very basic coding and still have a job. It just sucks my skills aren't valued as much as they should be and out of desparation I may sometimes not give the best interviews but holy christ I am done begging for jobs.

Recently my bf broke up with, he was my first relationship, first kiss. I had that job offer that time so I had something as a fallback. I contacted him after 3 weeks of no contact, right after that, they retracted my job offer. I was in shock for 3 days. I have been really suicidal this week. I can't bring myself to do anything.

Like literally who tf do they think they are. They have fucked up my mental health like crazy and I still have to put a straight face and beg them to give me a job.

I share a room with my brother. There are only 2 rooms in this house, it's cramped up, no privacy. My parents stress me out. My college thesis deadline is coming up.

I feel so done. Please help me kill myself.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

This just sounds like stress, not PTSD. I'm pretty sure that applying to jobs generally doesn't give one PTSD, a disorder that results from experiencing severe emotional trauma...

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really feel your pain. Employers can be so shitty. I've even spent money travelling to do skills tests and heard nothing. Like- really? You could at least reject me! To be fair- they would have been right to. Everything that could have gone wrong, did. But yeah, it's very disheartening. I must have been rejected 100's of times by now. The very worst ones are the near misses I found. I hope you do get accepted soon.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I need a job. It's do or die now for me.

I have been applying for 2 years on and off but now I am applying more desparately than ever. I have been rejected multiple times. I have also received a job offer that got retracted. I am literally at the stage where I am begging recruiters for jobs and I don't even think I am a bad programmer at all. I know people who can't do very basic coding and still have a job. It just sucks my skills aren't valued as much as they should be and out of desparation I may sometimes not give the best interviews but holy christ I am done begging for jobs.

Recently my bf broke up with, he was my first relationship, first kiss. I had that job offer that time so I had something as a fallback. I contacted him after 3 weeks of no contact, right after that, they retracted my job offer. I was in shock for 3 days. I have been really suicidal this week. I can't bring myself to do anything.

Like literally who tf do they think they are. They have fucked up my mental health like crazy and I still have to put a straight face and beg them to give me a job.

I share a room with my brother. There are only 2 rooms in this house, it's cramped up, no privacy. My parents stress me out. My college thesis deadline is coming up.

I feel so done. Please help me kill myself.

Thinking of you and I hope you get something soon.

 

[notreallybored]

I need a job. It's do or die now for me.

I have been applying for 2 years on and off but now I am applying more desparately than ever. I have been rejected multiple times. I have also received a job offer that got retracted. I am literally at the stage where I am begging recruiters for jobs and I don't even think I am a bad programmer at all. I know people who can't do very basic coding and still have a job. It just sucks my skills aren't valued as much as they should be and out of desparation I may sometimes not give the best interviews but holy christ I am done begging for jobs.

Recently my bf broke up with, he was my first relationship, first kiss. I had that job offer that time so I had something as a fallback. I contacted him after 3 weeks of no contact, right after that, they retracted my job offer. I was in shock for 3 days. I have been really suicidal this week. I can't bring myself to do anything.

Like literally who tf do they think they are. They have fucked up my mental health like crazy and I still have to put a straight face and beg them to give me a job.

I share a room with my brother. There are only 2 rooms in this house, it's cramped up, no privacy. My parents stress me out. My college thesis deadline is coming up.

I feel so done. Please help me kill myself.

ב''ה,

You're not getting a tech job unless you're part of some clique with "revolutionary" ideas (supporting the drug trade, changing everyone's gender, lying on your resumé with foreign degrees) while regular employers prefer to hire through agencies to outsource the vetting and insulate the corporation until you prove you're not there to just steal.

"AI" is probably "good enough" for business purposes now so development is just a hobby like Legos or archaeology now anyway.

 

[Worndown]

Job hunting gives everyone PTSD. It tears out your soul.
I took one position out of desperation with 1 week of funds left. I got lucky with that one.

Try temp agencies. Not sure what you can do, but it never hurts (much) to try. Use more then one if possible. They make money if you work, so they try to get you in somewhere.

 

[rozeske]

I'm sorry you found yourself in this position. I've been in your shoes, It's not something i would wish on my worest enemy. Every rejection takes a tiny piece of your soul that you never get back. Be careful not to let it take all you've got that there is none of you left. If there is something you can do, anything, a back up, a temp,...whatever it is, do it soon before you reach the point of no return. I wish you good luck, I never had it.

 

[LostLily]

I'm sorry you found yourself in this position. I've been in your shoes, It's not something i would wish on my worest enemy. Every rejection takes a tiny piece of your soul that you never get back. Be careful not to let it take all you've got that there is none of you left. If there is something you can do, anything, a back up, a temp,...whatever it is, do it soon before you reach the point of no return. I wish you good luck, I never had it.

Yeah, I been in this position with getting laid off 3 times. And spending months and even nearly a year between work.

You might hav to settle or jus took for temp jobs in the meantime to survive while you look for more permanent jobs in your field.

I went to school for accounting and now I'm at a call centre, not how I imagine my life turning out but it pays the bills.

Good luck

 

[squidsponge]

Tech and programming in general can be very depressing im also in a similar situation and still in college. Getting a job is also hinged on me being able to stay in this country. You've said you've been at it for 2 years so I'm not sure it will get better. I've only been at it for a few months and so many rejections. Godspeed.

 

[Thalassa]

"My college thesis deadline is coming up."

@leaf2358 So you're currently enrolled in some sort of degree program? Wouldn't your chances of getting a job improve once you get whatever degree you're going after? And in the meantime, couldn't you just get any kind of job for money? I worked as a waitress while I was in college.

Since you're apparently enrolled in an undergraduate program or grad school, this time period is covered on your future resumes. You don't have to put down any jobs that you did while in college or while simply taking college classes.

I would also highly recommend seeing if there is a job counseling place/nonprofit in your area. You might be making some simple mistakes when applying and/or interviewing for jobs that someone could give you feedback on. And I would also highly recommend reading some books on job hunting, if you haven't already.

Hope that helps.