Venting I fucking hate this life

[Specific_Milk]

I wanna die yet I can't, I wanna die so fuckin badly it's almost laughable if it weren't so tragic. Life sucks and it keeps on sucking when things are seemingly improving. I need to die my body can't take this shit anymore but there are people counting on me, what would I need to do to make them hate me so I can ctb without guilt? maybe od-ing on drugs is more understandable than ctbing. It's frustrating as fuck when you have 2-3 readily available methods of ctbing and you're forced to just stare at them cuz u cant do shit. Maybe I should just flip them off but I can't cuz I care about them. fuck this is driving me mad, I wish I could just be allowed to die... it hurts so much I just want it to stop I just wanna die why am I not allowed to die?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think you're just going to have to get to that place whereby your pain of living outweighs the pain that you feel you'll inflict on others from your CTB. Don't ask me how to get there. I think it just sort of happens on its own when the time is right. I understand you're ready now, but there's still, apparently, some conflicting thoughts going on in your head. It's hard getting there. I hope you can work it out and get to that peace you deserve.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do really understand that it's so awful feeling trapped in an existence that you hate, I personally believe that people shouldn't be obligated to continue suffering, deciding when to leave is a personal decision, we all have to die and lose everything someday anyway and I bet that eventually most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here. But still it must be hard to deal with being in that situation, I wish you the best.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I am sure that you have to reach a certain turning point where things get so bad that you lose all fear of death, and of hurting loved ones.

I am in that place now.
I call it " in the abyss of the pit of despair " .