I fucking despise myself

[TVtrays]

I'm 25, disabled(autistic, ADHD, cPTSD, BPD, bipolar, tourettes), always been a burden, can't work, haven't done shit with my life and I'm a fucking idiot. I was supposed to go to uni and do something great with my life but I've done nothing. I can't get ahold of my emotions so I reach out for support every day because I've just hurt myself somehow and I can't control the pure rage I have against myself. My face and leg are covered in fucking bruises and people give me concerned looks, and I broke my finger this morning doing it to myself, all because somebody corrected my grammar on Facebook and I felt like a worthless idiot. Every single aspect of myself is shameful. I do this on a daily basis for small things and whenever I do, I never feel like I've punished myself enough. I despise every part of myself. It's a pure hatred I've never felt towards anyone or anything. I'm worth less than dog shit. I'm subhuman, loathsome scum and to be honest, I know a painful death would be far too merciful for me.

 

[Bergamot]

Mee too suffering some mental issues, and being hurt from all people in my life. Ctb is the only way for me.

 

[timf]

In the movie "Volunteers" towards the end the character played by John Candy is confronted by a truck load of communists driving past singing the fight song of his former school It is a moment that reveals he had recently been on friendly terms with the insurgents. His reaction to this was to say, "Alright, I'm embarrassed".

We all do things that fail, are wrong, fall short, and otherwise embarrass us. This is made worse by movies that show attractive people with good hair living in situations that usually work out well. The reasons these movies make money is that we all like to step into a world occasionally where things work out well.

It can be useful to see ourselves in truth because it keeps us from getting too high an opinion of ourselves. However, truth can also keep us from beating ourselves up over an excessive view of our shortcomings as well.

Those with a diverse neurology may find it tempting to cultivate an excessively negative view of self to "punish" or even simply stimulate ones feelings. One can even come to derive a sense of significance from this. There are several different ways that the cultivation of such a focus can be detrimental.

It can be helpful not to use other people's yardsticks to measure your life. We live in an increasingly collectivized world. This tends to impose a uniformity on all that many of us fall short of. It is better to resist the imposition of alien measurements and set your own. If you take the measure of your own life and give value to what you can control to make each day a little better than the one before, you might be able to come out from the burden of other peoples values.

 

[WornOutLife]

I just can't understand why this world is so unfair. You don't deserve to suffer like this.

I can do nothing but wish you lots of love and peace. Hope things, somehow, get better.

Feel free to talk to me if you need to vent or simply have a conversation.

Hugs,

Matt