Venting I fucked up

[burglarlydante]

Man, I don't know were to start.
I've done it all, i screwed up.
nothing will ever change here, all my effort is worthless. I've got no hope at all
I drain my friends happiness, with my negativity.
I'm so fucked and depressed, apathetic, agressive, slow minded and in contrast I'm also hyperactive.
I hate myself so much, I think my friends are getting sick of me, I wanna disappear from existence, just to make sure I'll never reincarnate again
I'm so lonely, nobody gives a shit about me, even when they say they do, *spoiler, they don't*, I'm still feeling lonely and abandoned
I'm awkward as a fuck and I have an horrible personality and temperament also my body makes me wanna die and my face is inexistent, I can barely regonize myself as person anymore haha
btw I'm a mess and nobody will ever love me anyway, they never did lol
I also have more things to say but...
I think this is enough for now.
(I don't wanna make this overwhelming lmao)

 

[Nirrend]

Hi mate,

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this . Then, i can only understand what you are going through. Like you I feel completely useless, a drag on everyone and I also feel like a person who doesn't belong here.

However, I will start by saying that I am not encouraging you to do anything. Secondly, I'm just sad to read what you wrote, obviously all we can wish you, is to be happy and to overcome these moments of torment, helplessness and impasse.

I'm not going to give you the "but don't say that" crap that no one believes in anymore... Only, what I'm thinking is, have you ever talked about it? Do you think things can change?

I'm not moralizing, I'm just sympathizing with your experience and trying to give you some warmth.

Be strong, wishes for peace of mind

 

[CommitSudoku]

I used to think similar things and I ruined or ended a lot of friendships due to that and also I figured I'll be gone soon so better to step out of people's lives. I've gone through various phases of trying to improve myself though and one thing that sticks with me the most is this: we should try not to decide on others' feelings without really knowing. I wouldn't want others to assume how I am or feel, and in fact it has happened to me a lot. I used to be asked if I was mad since I got depressed to the point my writing changed and I can't bring myself to use emojis half-heartedly. I try not to do the same to others, or tried since I don't have many people now. To me it is toxic to assume everyone hates you especially if they have said they don't or haven't been given a real chance to say. So I try not to assume on how others feel about me at least, it seems wrong to them and unfair. Just some thoughts.

I can't say where your life will go or if things will get better but from my own experience I know it's possible to get numb and just stop caring about things as much. Not that these are good either. I guess I'd really say just think through what you want and plan to do, and see if you can act in a manner to minimize regrets.

I do relate a lot to what you said and I apologize if I come off poorly or don't make sense, exhaustion set in not too long ago haha I really do understand the pain your mind is forcing on you and I'm sorry for it and hope you can find respite from it sometimes. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[cerulean]

Hey there! Reading this was like a terrible trip down memory lane. Everything you said in your post is almost exactly how I was feeling a few years ago. I don't know if you're looking for advice or maybe you're just venting, but here's what I did.

I started focusing on parts of my life that I could control. I couldn't control that people didn't like me. I couldn't control that everyone found me annoying and weird. I couldn't control that I was ugly (not without surgery lol). What I could control was school and work, though. This went terribly at the time because I'm...not academically gifted if you know what I mean. My mental illness made it hard to focus and to be driven, but I was so damned determined to be a good student that I found ways to cope and get around it. I started seeing positive results and that gave me confidence.

I'm not gonna say for sure that it gets better because life isn't linear, but once I shifted my focus from how other people felt about me to how I felt about me, life did get better.

I'm sorry if this is unnecessary or rude. I just related so much to what you were saying that I wanted to drop a message about my own experience.

I hope you start feeling better, friend. :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in such an awful situation, I understand that this life can be unbearable when everything seems hopeless. I know that loneliness can be painful for many people. I just want to disappear as well. I wish you the best in whatever happens.