Venting I fucked up

[18andlife]

Before reading this just know this is me telling a short story about how I fucked up and I'm posting this because I feel the need to vent. Don't show me any pity though as this was 100% my fault.
Today I was supposed to clean the kitchen for my mother while she was at work. I put a load in the dishwasher and was going to wait for it to be done and then put another load in it when it finished ( three hours). I loaded it at roughly one and depression being depression, I decided to lay down and take a nap. I woke up at 4:30pm and was like oh fuck I need to get up and finish cleaning the kitchen ( my mom gets off work at 5:00 ). Turns out she got home early and me and her had a verbal fight just now. I am SO fucking angry with myself. Currently fighting the impulse to just start fasting now and ctb tonight. Jesus Christ what a fucking mess.
If you're still reading this thank you for reading the vent of a man who is so fucked up he goes and tells something bad that happened to him to a complete group of strangers on the internet.

 

[dusty boots]

That would hurt. Set an alarm next time so you don't oversleep.

Perhaps do something for your mother to make up for the mistake.

 

[HadEnough1974]

Before reading this just know this is me telling a short story about how I fucked up and I'm posting this because I feel the need to vent. Don't show me any pity though as this was 100% my fault.
Today I was supposed to clean the kitchen for my mother while she was at work. I put a load in the dishwasher and was going to wait for it to be done and then put another load in it when it finished ( three hours). I loaded it at roughly one and depression being depression, I decided to lay down and take a nap. I woke up at 4:30pm and was like oh fuck I need to get up and finish cleaning the kitchen ( my mom gets off work at 5:00 ). Turns out she got home early and me and her had a verbal fight just now. I am SO fucking angry with myself. Currently fighting the impulse to just start fasting now and ctb tonight. Jesus Christ what a fucking mess.
If you're still reading this thank you for reading the vent of a man who is so fucked up he goes and tells something bad that happened to him to a complete group of strangers on the internet.

Hey don't worry, I go through that with my parents daily. They don't know and don't have the capacity to understand our pain. It's ok, don't worry, I totally understand what you're going through.

 

[Blu_1]

@18andlife I think you are intense, but you are not fucked up. I could barely clean yet you did the kitchen! I know it's extremely hard to give yourself credit for things you did right when emotions were heightened.

 

[Dora192]

You haven't fucked up, you overslept and the dishes can be washed anytime.

As a parent this makes me feel very sad and please don't do anything on a whim because of this ❤

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Your intentions were good to clean the kitchen. At least you tried. Sometimes your body just needs to rest too. Also we are here for the venting!

 

[Iloveyouall]

Hey dude, here is a place to vent, you're not fucked up.
I'm sorry but I don't quite understand why you guys ended up verbally fighting each other. Why do you feel angry with yourself ? Is it about the fight or about taking a nap ?

 

[Otter]

Just go talk to your mom and tell her you are sorry. Acknowledge to her you know you messed up and will work on it. Tell her you feel bad that she was working all day and asked you to do one thing and you dropped the ball. She will probably understand and all will be forgiven.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

Both of you ( you and ur mother) could be making a big fuss out of something that is simply not there. Things like this happen and it's not the end of the world. This too shall pass... the following day will make the previous day more vague and less significant. Don't act out of impulse when it comes to ctb. Things like this pass fast.

 

[itsallover]

I argue with my mother all the time. Then she was the one bringing the priests into the ICU after I overdosed and was in a coma for days not knowing if I would make it at all or just be left a vegetable. Turns out I'm completely fine except for the same medical problems. I really don't get parents. I used to beg mine for help in high school when they sent to a magnet school and saw me so completely depressed that I could barely function. Now that I am completely fucked physically because they were reckless with my psychiatric care back then I can't stand the thought of them. I hope my suicide fucking hurts.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for your situation. Hopefully the argument will blow over.
LOVE the Pantera Avatar.

 

[gnomeboy17]

Sorry to hear about this. It's really sad that a "small" situation (to most people), can trigger serious need to ctb. I hope you're doing okay and trying not to be impulsive. I also live with my parents and I get how sometimes we have arguments about little things.

 

[18andlife]

Hey dude, here is a place to vent, you're not fucked up.
I'm sorry but I don't quite understand why you guys ended up verbally fighting each other. Why do you feel angry with yourself ? Is it about the fight or about taking a nap ?

it was the fact that I went to sleep knowing I had shit to do. As for why we got into an argument, my dumbass tried to defend myself by saying I would finish the kitchen right away. But it was too late, she was having none of that. Definitely feel better today though gonna do some laundry and sweep floors for her today.
Thank you too all of you and your encouraging words. Amazing people all of you

 

[bpdandme]

Before reading this just know this is me telling a short story about how I fucked up and I'm posting this because I feel the need to vent. Don't show me any pity though as this was 100% my fault.
Today I was supposed to clean the kitchen for my mother while she was at work. I put a load in the dishwasher and was going to wait for it to be done and then put another load in it when it finished ( three hours). I loaded it at roughly one and depression being depression, I decided to lay down and take a nap. I woke up at 4:30pm and was like oh fuck I need to get up and finish cleaning the kitchen ( my mom gets off work at 5:00 ). Turns out she got home early and me and her had a verbal fight just now. I am SO fucking angry with myself. Currently fighting the impulse to just start fasting now and ctb tonight. Jesus Christ what a fucking mess.
If you're still reading this thank you for reading the vent of a man who is so fucked up he goes and tells something bad that happened to him to a complete group of strangers on the internet.

Your good intentions were there, it's not your fault you have an illness which is literally exhausting, this is just a human error that everyone makes. You didn't do it intentionally to be malicious. Maybe you could offer to help out with something to make it up to her? Hope you're okay! Don't beat yourself up.

 

[Iloveyouall]

Definitely feel better today though gonna do some laundry and sweep floors for her today.

How did it went?

May I ask why you feel depressed ?

 

[18andlife]

How did it went?

May I ask why you feel depressed ?

It went alright I guess.....
As for why I feel depressed, when I turned 18 the real world slapped me in the face. A job? Bills? Adult problems? Fuck all that. I know I know I just sound lazy ( and I am) every job I had negative thoughts overwhelm me until I snap and am ready to ctb. One actually ended in a suicide attempt. These days I am just done with life and everything in it. The ups, the downs, I am done with it all.

 

[Iloveyouall]

It went alright I guess.....
As for why I feel depressed, when I turned 18 the real world slapped me in the face. A job? Bills? Adult problems? Fuck all that. I know I know I just sound lazy ( and I am) every job I had negative thoughts overwhelm me until I snap and am ready to ctb. One actually ended in a suicide attempt. These days I am just done with life and everything in it. The ups, the downs, I am done with it all.

You sound like a person who is realizing that the real world as you call it is actually a big and terrible joke. You don't sound lazy and it's actually pretty logical to feel depressed when you get to realize the world sucks.
Is there something you like to do ? Something that you wouldn't feel tortured to do as a living ?

 

[18andlife]

You sound like a person who is realizing that the real world as you call it is actually a big and terrible joke. You don't sound lazy and it's actually pretty logical to feel depressed when you get to realize the world sucks.
Is there something you like to do ? Something that you wouldn't feel tortured to do as a living ?

Thank you for the kind words. I remember I used to love the idea of being a virologist. Turns out you need a masters degree for that. I barely graduated high school so I feel like college would be next to impossible for me. Really was good at science but anything math makes my head hurt lol

 

[Iloveyouall]

I remember I used to love the idea of being a virologist.

So you could kill us all with a corona extra ebola plague ? Yeah just forget about that

Math are pretty intimidating as they are not taught very attractively in most school systems. Most people end disgusted by them. There are plenty other ways and methods to learn math. It's in fact not that complicated as it is something only based on logic. I'm really bad at math as I got disgusted by it really soon too but I acknowledge that it's not that hard in the end. If virology is really something that gives you passion and love, math would be nothing to overcome as biology might be way more complicated. :P

Actually I was more talking about something that you already know or already did.

 

[faust]

My friend once got drank the day before the exam and somehow managed to change the time on phone. He eventually was 40 minutes late lol. It is surprising but he passed.
I constantly oversleep everything too. That's why if I travel somewhere, I have to stay awake all night long. 3 alarm clocks do not help, I don't know how I will be waking up when I find a job.