skybluesuicide
Member
- May 31, 2023
- 38
Often I try to distance myself from this site whenever I feel even the slightest amount of motivation to get better. I'm not saying this site is bad, but it's just something I find myself doing. The cause of this motivation may be something my therapist says, or new medicine I've never tried before. When I get this motivation, I close the tab of this website and say to myself that today marks the beginning of my new, non-suicidal life.
I've experienced around 80 "new beginnings" to my life now…
The high never lasts long. No matter what, after a day or two, my world comes crashing back down. I stare at my computer screen and eventually, after some contemplation, I open up this site again looking for methods and search if an online source for N has finally come out of the woodworks.
I think it's time for me to admit that getting better is a pipe dream and that the only place I'll ever feel at home is this forum. Hope is the only illness I can cure, and that's by giving up.
I've experienced around 80 "new beginnings" to my life now…
The high never lasts long. No matter what, after a day or two, my world comes crashing back down. I stare at my computer screen and eventually, after some contemplation, I open up this site again looking for methods and search if an online source for N has finally come out of the woodworks.
I think it's time for me to admit that getting better is a pipe dream and that the only place I'll ever feel at home is this forum. Hope is the only illness I can cure, and that's by giving up.
