I finally got my driving license.

[Nlis2244]

For many months now my ctb plan was to drive up in the mountains and ctb by jumping. My main and only objective for almost a year has been getting a driving license so as to be able to make my way up there. And now I finally managed to do it. My last obstacle to my plan is gone, and I am free to put it in motion.
I feel strange now. If i wanted i could go tomorrow. Obviously i prefer to train a bit more beacuse it will be a long journey. I plan to go at the end of August or early September.
I have idealized in my mind the moment when i will arrive to my destination and finally ctb, but now, seeing the date creeping closer and closer it seems more and more difficult to do. I think i always just procrastinated to feel better: yes i'm very sad and the world is shit, but everything will be fine when i'll die, at some time in the near future, so I can just ignore problems and go on forward. But now that time is extremely close and i don't know if i'll be able to muster the courage. I absolutely want to die, but it seems like it will be such an effort: not only i'll have to drive a long distance up in the mountains, but i'll also have to combat the SI, something that i didn't give much thought months ago. If i do it this way it will also have to be before winter. And so I'm stuck still procrastinating, leaving this problem for next week, and then the next... but I'll have to seriously think about it very very soon. For many months I have lived like they were the last of my life, and i'm still doing it, but now i'm worried they won't be. I really hope i'll be brave enough to go.

 

[Eternal🌈Rainbow]

I've been occasionally thinking these past months to get my driving licence just to be able to drive wherever and whenever no one is around and crash my car with myself inside, and hopefully die. I know it's so freaking dumb and stupid. But desperation leads you to those thoughts. Though, actually, it isn't that dumb... it's just risky since it could easily fail and leave you paralysed, and that would be an indescribable hell to live in, much more worse than the original unbearable circumstances. So I won't do that. But I get why you wanted to get a driving licence just to be able to ctb.
I also get your hesitation as the time or date comes closer. It's the survival instinct, after all. Or for some it's even hope, that things may get better...

[...]
For many months I have lived like they were the last of my life, and i'm still doing it, but now i'm worried they won't be. I really hope i'll be brave enough to go.

I'm exactly the same... I'm sorry.

I don't know what to tell you since I don't know your personal circumstances and your reasons, and I'm also not that good at giving advice seeing how my own life has turned out and it's still turning out, but I hope you can find a way out of your suffering, be it whatever way. I wish you peace

 

[Suicideorgy]

If it turns out you dont wanna do it this week/month/year, thats cool, the option is still there. I like options. Having a way out is personally liberating to me.

Wish I could get my license. I dont have friends or money to spend on a school (they want 125 dollars an hour) amd family wont teach me.

 

[Klophy]

I can relate. I wasn't supposed to be here for this long, my plan also involves jumping and me driving for a few hours to get to the destination. I've chickened out on the way there.

Whatever ends up happening for you, I just hope you're able to find some peace and comfort.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand the feeling of wishing that you had the courage. Suicide really is so difficult and so many things can potentially get in the way of plans. I wish that leaving is as easy as deciding to never wake again. Jumping sounds like a terrifying method to me and I think that those who leave that way must be really desperate. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens.

 

[NotYourFriend]

Congrats. I began learning to drive a couple of months before Covid-19 came to be; it took me almost two years to pass because of lockdowns, test dates having to be booked 6 months in advance due to the backlog and so on. It cost me massively too.

 

[endmypain]

Congrats

 

[Ligottian]

I've been occasionally thinking these past months to get my driving licence just to be able to drive wherever and whenever no one is around and crash my car with myself inside, and hopefully die. I know it's so freaking dumb and stupid. But desperation leads you to those thoughts. Though, actually, it isn't that dumb... it's just risky since it could easily fail and leave you paralysed, and that would be an indescribable hell to live in, much more worse than the original unbearable circumstances. So I won't do that. But I get why you wanted to get a driving licence just to be able to ctb.
I also get your hesitation as the time or date comes closer. It's the survival instinct, after all. Or for some it's even hope, that things may get better...


I'm exactly the same... I'm sorry.

I don't know what to tell you since I don't know your personal circumstances and your reasons, and I'm also not that good at giving advice seeing how my own life has turned out and it's still turning out, but I hope you can find a way out of your suffering, be it whatever way. I wish you peace

I would never use a car crash as a method. You might survive and wind up paralyzed. Then you could never even make another attempt. To say nothing of the living hell of being paralyzed.