I finally feel nothing enough to CBT without guilt stopping me.

[molassesmorasses]

I'm sure something else could stop me, but I very easily have the rope and everything ready. My girlfriend is at work until midnight, I'm dropping off tampons for her in a bit. After that I'm doing it. I'm so tired.

Antipsychotics don't work, I will never be a good girlfriend for her. I can't handle my eating disorder, anything related to health makes me shut down and feel like I'm that 7 year old being taught how to count grams of sugar again. I am dangerous, I am ruinous, I am poisonous. Take all the pain I will cause everyone over the time they know me and concentrate it into one hit. Save those who don't yet know me. There is no fixing this.

Thank you all for the community, albeit my lack of interaction. This was inevitable, I wish you all luck with wherever any of this takes you.

- E

 

[DaatiSimi]

I feel every word you say about feeling poisonous.

I wish you get the peace you are looking for

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I hope that you find the freedom that you are looking for.