Discussion i felt maybe suicidish for first time in awhile, when someone said to take care of myself or was making a deal about that?

[Ah.ow]

I'm worried and confused, hadn't heard of this, maybe it was interesting. it was painful because what's generally upsetting about my life is that I can't connect to help or care or many good things.

it felt generous that someone wanted to help me as long as I took care of myself. but I also can't do more than I have, I don't have more access to things after someone said this.

it also felt like so much pressure, I got confused, like maybe I shouldn't take their deal/offer? but then I'd be saying openly that I can't take care, and they could feel bad about me. now that they put that idea out, there's pressure either way, for me to pretend or me to say no? there seems no good butting out, just lots of risk and loss and escalation, whatever I do in this context from now on. it feels like one of those burning lines that young kids or parents or strangers say, that comes unexpectedly and then haunts some topics? whenever I might go to the place, see the people, try the instruments, I could be reminded for a long time?

it seems I either pretend, and keep some music help, or be honest and say I can't and that what they said was very pressuring, and lose music help or some of it?

I appreciate that they care, i thought the idea that someone just takes care of themself, and they'll be helped, sounds exceptionally kind. I'm sure they didn't intend to say such a heavy thing, i think they meant to be light or idk maybe, I just am left with the confusions.

in my case the kind idea has these confusions, idk what to say and I wonder what you might think if you were told this? what questions would you feel from this offer?

(maybe after explaining, I feel less suicidish. but the offer was involved in music, and occupations are important to remove me from some more suicidish situations, like not accessing things, being in bad settings, being able to move less and more body feelings building.

ps,
I hope suicidish is ok as a word, I don't feel clear about it, but maybe suicidal feels clinical or too strong often. I don't mean suicidish to sound weak or vague though, I wonder if people use that word? how would you define it? what other words related to suicide do you use, especially that are not code, like ctb is?

I feel pressure posting about this too, idk if the people might recognize me or see this. it was overwhelming, I'm not against or trying to speak down about anyone. it is tough, I feel people reacting strange to me though)

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

If I where offered that kind of "help" I'd have to awkwardly laugh and decline making a joke out of it, I'm a lost cause but I always gotta laugh because it's such a typical thing to claim the idea you can help somone by simply telling them or asking them to be better to themselves, some cheesy bs like that, i wouldn't make fun of them or point out there ignorance as they ask me there question so casually and oh so nonchalantly tell me to be better and take care, because that's normal that's a semi typical conversation people have I mean we are social creates weather we wanna be or not I'm bound to hear more cheesy lines from possibly countless empty propositions because they have no clue what there even asking especially when they say they wanna help or lend an listening ear, they got no clue, until they do and then kboom suddenly im the one reminded by the absence of what first tried to "help me" because I one either scared them off due to my consistent negative outlook and views on most things, and ya know understandably, somone who's apart of a big majority of people being more optimistic then pessimistic ot makes sense because why would any casual person choose to have a grim outlook on life, I say that because we're in a world where you don't have much of a choice but to make "the best of what you can" kinda thing so it only makes sense that I come across all these self proclaiming individuals to me rather keep themselves blind to reality around them, and it also could be me because I'm just to far from optimism not sure but I know I wouldn't be able to tell anyone irl that I know that I can't just " take care"