I feel worthless and miserable

[MannyThatFox]

I feel like shit, I'm trying to pay my student debt for a course I haven't finished yet, can't find a job for my degree, all the jobs I got didn't pay me enough to meet a single payment and I didn't hold them for more than a year. I'm 24 living with my retired mother, my classmates got jobs on our area (game design) just fine, and I can't no matter how much I try it seems, to get my shit together. I was working as an ESL teacher and I thought I was doing a fine job, so many students told me I was their favorite teacher, and all of a sudden I get fire, possibly because of downsizing but I couldn't be assed to find out why. I'm just moping and wallowing in my own self pity, trying to muster the strength to do something about it but I cant. Having played so many mmos i keep coming back to this metaphor to explain how I'm feeling; It's like when you're trying a build, and it doesen't work, so you have to reroll your character or quit the game or something. Life feels like a game I'm tired of playing, I'm tired of having these little sparks of joy, moments when I feel happy, and then these dark pits filled with shit. I have my own goals, I'm trying to start a game development company but it's not working out too well, and I'm thinking, even if it did, even if I made it somehow, will all this suffering be worth it? Me making a fool of myself? I don't think so, I'm really really tired of playing

 

[Versailles]

Programmer and server administrator here
I understand your experience as I once struggled to start my own company which didn't work out and just sent me into an overwhelming spiral of frustration. The worst depression I suffered in my life was at a time when I couldn't find a job and really didn't know what to do with my life.
I had to face reality and it is hard to realize how difficult it is to achieve those goals that one has

The world of work in the technology sector is becoming complex, many companies now prefer to hire staff from third world countries because of how cheap it tends to be. I will not deny that I have benefited from this fact but it does not take away the fact that thousands of people in the first world are losing their jobs thanks to this and it is disconcerting where this will lead.

I wish you the best and I want to send you a hug! I hope you can find a place for yourself soon

 

[jodes2]

Yeah starting a business is bloody hard. I keep trying small things. I don't have the luxury of much money to play with but I have time and a roof over my head guaranteed which takes a lot of the stress away. If I didn't get disability benefits of just have to get a job. The fact is very few startups are successful. Don't worry about making a fool out of yourself, who cares about image? That's just an internal feeling you can overcome if and whenever you fail. What matters is your mental health, your happiness and satisfaction in life, and having a roof over your head, heating and food to eat. So look after yourself, and prioritise what you need to do to make sure you have the basics, that includes the ability to look after your well-being. You might need to get a job and put starting your own company until you have the space in your life to do it?

 

[CTB Dream]

V sorry this feel, life tiring all money effort etc end get nothing real depress. If want money desprt try mske multiple small one exmp food drink ppl always buy, one basic necessity this always get pay ,many way get money but ppl no teach no tell, mayb not much get begin but bett nothing

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like such a tiring and stressful situation to be in, and at least to me suffering could never be worth it in any way. I see no point to having to struggle for decades on end, trapped in an existence not worth enduring just to cease to exist anyway. Your feelings of wishing to be gone really are understandable, and it's just so incredibly unfair what you have to go through but anyway I wish you the best of luck.