Venting I feel so violated.

[BBY]

Does something count as sexual assault even though the assaulter doesn't mean it in a sexual way?
My mother often used to grab my ass (and breast sometimes) in a joking way and didn't stop after I calmly told her not to. She only did after I yelled at her but she gave me the silent treatment for a few hours and I ended up feeling bad.
She also walks into the bathroom while I am bathing/showering and if I dare to complain she tells me I'm not the most important person here and to stay quiet.
There was also a time where I joked about having male genitalia and in response she rubbed her fingers into my private parts and when I asked her wtf is wrong with her she acted like what she did was normal.

Also she often exposes herself to me (randomly pulling her skirt up/taking out her breast) and I have to clean her back while she bathes.


The more I think about it the more disgusted I am. Am I crazy or is this abnormal?? Does this count as sa?? I just feel so dirty right now..

 

[brokeandbroken]

I don't know how old you are. However, yeah probably. Probably more in the child abuse realm to be honest. Particularly, the rubbing of her fingers and cleaning of her back when she bathes. Both are problematic. Grabbing your ass weird. Walking into the bathroom gray area.

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

That is definitely not normal from my subjective opinion being a person who has strong boundaries. My case is not as sexual as yours but my mother used to handwash and kiss my underwear until I demanded to wash it myself, rub and smell my feet and arms, and randomly put a finger in my ear to get out earwax in public while waiting for the traffic light. To this day I could not hug her without feeling extremely weird.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

My mom used to bath me when I was a younger child (I'm male). She never did anything to me even remotely like yours did to you - bathing was just bathing. My mom never exposed herself to me, nor did she ever grab my genitalia. I'd say the behavior exhibited by your mom isn't normal by any stretch of that word. I don't think it rises to SA, but I'm no lawyer. There are lesser forms of it, though. The bottom line is if you're uncomfortable with any behavior from anyone, that should be the line that never gets crossed.

 

[UKscotty]

She sounds like a pedophile to me.

 

[nessun_nome]

Does something count as sexual assault even though the assaulter doesn't mean it in a sexual way?
My mother often used to grab my ass (and breast sometimes) in a joking way and didn't stop after I calmly told her not to. She only did after I yelled at her but she gave me the silent treatment for a few hours and I ended up feeling bad.
She also walks into the bathroom while I am bathing/showering and if I dare to complain she tells me I'm not the most important person here and to stay quiet.
There was also a time where I joked about having male genitalia and in response she rubbed her fingers into my private parts and when I asked her wtf is wrong with her she acted like what she did was normal.

Also she often exposes herself to me (randomly pulling her skirt up/taking out her breast) and I have to clean her back while she bathes.


The more I think about it the more disgusted I am. Am I crazy or is this abnormal?? Does this count as sa?? I just feel so dirty right now..

In a way, it doesn't matter what label you attach it it. It is unwanted and inappropriate contact and behaviour. It is far from normal. It is totally unacceptable. From a legal perspective (here), that is definitely sexual abuse.

The important thing is how it makes you feel. You've said that you don't like it. That is all that matters.

Now you need to think what you want to do about it. Would you be satisfied if it just stopped or do you want to leave the environment? Do you want her punished?

You don't say where you are or how old you are, but is there anybody that you could talk to about it? Teachers in many countries are trained for this. Many countries have helplines for sexual abuse.

Also refusing to do the things she asks you to do may be an important step in asserting yourself and making her understand.

Happy to exchange PMs if that would help.

 

[BBY]

That is definitely not normal from my subjective opinion being a person who has strong boundaries. My case is not as sexual as yours but my mother used to handwash and kiss my underwear until I demanded to wash it myself, rub and smell my feet and arms, and randomly put a finger in my ear to get out earwax in public while waiting for the traffic light. To this day I could not hug her without feeling extremely weird.

Omg I'm sorry but your mom sounds so weird- also, I relate to feeling weird hugging my mother. It just makes my skin feel icky.

In a way, it doesn't matter what label you attach it it. It is unwanted and inappropriate contact and behaviour. It is far from normal. It is totally unacceptable. From a legal perspective (here), that is definitely sexual abuse.

The important thing is how it makes you feel. You've said that you don't like it. That is all that matters.

Now you need to think what you want to do about it. Would you be satisfied if it just stopped or do you want to leave the environment? Do you want her punished?

You don't say where you are or how old you are, but is there anybody that you could talk to about it? Teachers in many countries are trained for this. Many countries have helplines for sexual abuse.

Also refusing to do the things she asks you to do may be an important step in asserting yourself and making her understand.

Happy to exchange PMs if that would help.

I honestly don't want to escalate the situation because I have a severe fear of change/consequences. I'll ctb soon enough so it'll be over with.