I feel so trapped

[StillWaiting]

Hi it is my first post here on my new account. I created one around May but I couldn't remember my password so yeah.
I am so scared to wake up everyday to do the same old things but I am too afraid to ctb. Have seen couple of people who have already left but I am still here waiting for something to make me do it. Does anyone else feel trapped in their lives too?

 

[Mr2005]

Yes I feel completely and utterly helpless to live or to die. I'm stuck in limbo. I also had to make a new account because I forgot my password. We sound quite similar

 

[bigj75]

I feel trapped. Like I want to be productive and successful but even when I do I'm still depressed as fuck. My health is screwed too permanently . So no matter what I do I'm fucked. Things will just get worse. I think that's the most scary things is realizing no matter how hard you try things will get worse so I have to ctb before it gets worse.

 

[Nowayout]

Hi it is my first post here on my new account. I created one around May but I couldn't remember my password so yeah.
I am so scared to wake up everyday to do the same old things but I am too afraid to ctb. Have seen couple of people who have already left but I am still here waiting for something to make me do it. Does anyone else feel trapped in their lives too?

I'm not only trapped I'm going to be homeless very soon. If there was an easy out I'd of taken it. Trust me the fear will never go away . I already have all my worst fears . It's just not that easy to ctb.

 

[windingdown]

Definitely. I am in constant physical discomfort, suffer from anhedonia, and lose more hair by the day (this is putting extra pressure on me to ctb soon - before I have any bald patches). I am only afraid of encountering pain on the way out at this point, I think. I wake up thinking, 'I can't do another day', but who wants to wake up to the day when they might put themselves through pain? It does feel like being trapped (between two impossibilities).

Anyway, hoping my affairs will be tied up in 2 weeks or less, and then it's out.

 

[bigj75]

Definitely. I am in constant physical discomfort, suffer from anhedonia, and lose more hair by the day (this is putting extra pressure on me to ctb soon - before I have any bald patches). I am only afraid of encountering pain on the way out at this point, I think. I wake up thinking, 'I can't do another day', but who wants to wake up to the day when they might put themselves through pain? It does feel like being trapped (between two impossibilities).

Anyway, hoping my affairs will be tied up in 2 weeks or less, and then it's out.

The planning is what's fucked up. It would be so easy if ctb'ing was legal. I have similar symptoms that you have. Lost my hair, I'm in physical discomfort from organ failure. anhedonia aswell. I used to not be depressed. Found joy in the simplest of things. Now it's all gone. I want to go on the next few weeks aswell.

 

[windingdown]

The planning is what's fucked up. It would be so easy if ctb'ing was legal. I have similar symptoms that you have. Lost my hair, I'm in physical discomfort from organ failure. anhedonia aswell. I used to not be depressed. Found joy in the simplest of things. Now it's all gone. I want to go on the next few weeks aswell.

I hear you. Until last year I would do things like spend hours in antiques shops; read and write for hours; sit watching the snow fall out the window with a candle burning for a long time, with no sense of melancholy or boredom (happiness, actually).

I'm sorry that you can relate to my dreadful experience. I think we are all poor, dear beings (our consciousness) trapped inside faulty bodies and shite circumstances. Not our fault.

EDIT: I wish a dignified death were legal, too.

 

[Ben]

I'm not only trapped I'm going to be homeless very soon. If there was an easy out I'd of taken it. Trust me the fear will never go away . I already have all my worst fears . It's just not that easy to ctb.

I am also facing homelessness for the second time in 3 days. I don't plan on being here for that.

 

[windingdown]

I am also facing homelessness for the second time in 3 days. I don't plan on being here for that.

I'm really sorry. What can one say?

I hope you find somewhere good to stay, or find your way out. Your thoughtful posts would be missed here.

 

[Ben]

I'm really sorry. What can one say?

I hope you find somewhere good to stay, or find your way out. Your thoughtful posts would be missed here.

Thank you, I'll miss being here. No matter what happens, my life is changing in 3 days.

 

[Kogoruhn]

I know how it feels. I feel trapped also because of my family, they refuse to see me defeated by my illness, searching for a new psychiatrist, therapist,etc when i already did every treatment possible with no relief. I'm just tired of living like this