Venting I feel so trapped in this world

[suicidalcatlady]

Lmk if anyone relates to any of this.

I feel so goddamn trapped recently. I don't want to fucking be here anymore. Yet I feel as if I'm forced to because the world is fine to genocide some people yet force the rest to stay alive even if they're miserable and old. I personally think it's so cruel that there aren't assisted suicide for treatment resistant depression (that has gone on for a long time without any improvement). It's just because suicide is demonized and stigmatized, maybe to juice more money out of us since they're not spending much on our mental healthcare anyways in the US.

I was stupid in the past and believed that taking a bunch of benzos/other psych meds with alcohol would kill me, and have had failed attempts with that. Recently I got a bad nerve injury from it that might be permanent.
Now that I've done a lot of in depth research recently it seems like it's so hard to find a method that has a high success rate and is easily accessible (plus not horribly painful or brutal). I feel like I have no choice but to stay in this world despite my depression being untreatable so far, having autism, having a shit loaf of trauma, and having a brain so scattered from being so mentally unwell that I can't do normal things like plan to hang out with people. And I've tried 9 meds plus TMS and years of therapy.

I'm just living life forcing myself to get up everyday despite feeling like I'm already dead and not wanting to be here at all. Or like forcing a horribly broken marionette doll to do an intense dance until it shatters. I feel like the world is closing in on me and like I can't breathe.

 

[ghost44]

I also feel trapped here with no method. I think about ctb all the time and I want to die. But without a method I have no choice but to stay here. I don't want to be a part of this cruel world anymore and it's disgusting how we're just forced to stay here.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel so trapped here as well, it's so horrible to me how we exist in a world where we are denied the option to exit in a peaceful and reliable way, to me all of the methods are either risky, inaccessible or just so horrific/incredibly difficult to go through with. The problem is that deluded people wish to force us to stay here and make us prisoners to this existence and slaves to our suffering, it really is such a cruel punishment feeling trapped here with no way out.

The reality is that we exist in a society where there is a lack of compassion towards the suffering that people go through, to me wanting suicide is perfectly rational in such a harmful world where all that we are destined for is to be tortured by old age and die anyway, it's just inhumane to deny the option of suicide, none of us should ever feel forced to stay here against their wishes.