Venting I feel so much anger towards my mom

[Hangnail]

I had everything I wanted too before a devastating eyelid surgery. Now I look deformed. My mom just tells me to move on and that it's not that bad. Every doctor I went to disagrees with her and tells me that it's bad... lol. I can't even put makeup on anymore because it just emphasizes the deformity and asymmetry.

My mom acts like getting another surgery is going make the problems I have go away, but every doctor has said that solving all of them is impossible given the condition that my eyelids are now in. Her understanding of the situation is so narrow and naive, like she's completely unaware of how serious it is and how this affects me and my life.

I've honestly come to hate my own mother, who encouraged me to get this surgery in the first place. I thought she would give me proper guidance because she always says she's looking out for me, but I realize she actually is careless. She admitted that she thought I looked good but told me to get the surgery because she didn't want to spend the energy discussing it with me and didn't think it could go so horribly wrong. It bothers me that she didnt even care to think too deeply about it when she spends hours watching fashion YouTube. She doesn't feel remotely responsible for my well-being. I feel like I was misled and betrayed. My mom is not who she said she was to me.

Now she just focuses on my sister and basically pretends I don't exist anymore. She only talks to me to ask for my help or to tell me do things. My mom always felt bad that people would call me prettier than my sister and would make comments about how her personality made her prettier (my sister is more responsible and accomplished than me). At the same time, my mom felt proud of the attention my looks got my family - a case of cognitive dissonance.

Now that my looks are gone my mom doesn't need to feel guilty about the attention I got anymore - she can feel satisfied pretending I don't exist and just focusing on investing in my sister's looks (which she always has more than she did for me - she would buy my sister clothes while shaming me for spending MY OWN EARNED MONEY on clothes). Honestly, a part of me feels like my mom might even be a little happy that the playing field is evened for my sister, at the cost of my happiness.

 

[eliza23]

I can see where your coming from, I wouldn't say I hate my mother just yet but I resent her and my sister's I do sometimes hate them just resent. Hate and resentment are two different things. But I do hate my father, I hate and despise my brothers for what they've done. I feel sick that I had the family I did and for how they treated me and used me and hurt me and then blamed me for their own mistakes and problems. But I get you I can see where your coming from. I made a thread talking about my family I didn't mention my sister's but I have a lot of old head trauma because of them. I grew up in a battlefield lived in a warzone and learned to strive in a fight. I've been through a lot but I can't say that I'll hate resent or dislike anyone forever probably not for very long anyways. My parents decided to disown me once I moved out but the thing is I disowned them years ago so I didn't care. Your not alone so just keep going ignore them if you have to and keep going after what you deserve.

 

[Life_and_Death]

just focusing on investing in my sister's looks (which she always has more than she did for me

feels like what im going through with my brothers. i was given shit, literally having to give up meals to make sure they were fed, but today now that im gone i swear theyre treated like fucking royalty the bastards (my parents not my brothers. ill never blame my brothers for their parents shit behaviour)

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable why you would be frustrated. Some people are just so insensitive. It's awful how other people can make things worse when we are already going through enough. Best wishes.

 

[freedompass]

She doesn't feel remotely responsible for my well-being. I feel like I was misled and betrayed. My mom is not who she said she was to me.

I really relate to this part. I've dealt with disfigurement too when I was 21 but it wasn't my face, it was my leg so probably not as devastating. I can't even imagine really what it's like to be beautiful and then lose that. I read about the model Linda Evangelista, her botched cosmetic procedure kinda ruined her life. I'm 60 now, and it's only just this summer that I finally saw clearly how my mum is. That she doesn't care now and probably never did. It does explain a lot and in some ways, is actually quite liberating. I'd rather know the truth.

 

[Hangnail]

I really relate to this part. I've dealt with disfigurement too when I was 21 but it wasn't my face, it was my leg so probably not as devastating. I can't even imagine really what it's like to be beautiful and then lose that. I read about the model Linda Evangelista, her botched cosmetic procedure kinda ruined her life. I'm 60 now, and it's only just this summer that I finally saw clearly how my mum is. That she doesn't care now and probably never did. It does explain a lot and in some ways, is actually quite liberating. I'd rather know the truth.

Thank you so much for being compassionate. I feel like most people blame and shame me when I open up my problems, like my issues aren't legitimate enough.