ToastInTheShell
Professional Idiot
- Mar 17, 2024
- 38
There's no one I can talk to about this sort of thing. I don't have any friends who understand, and no therapist has ever truly helped.
I don't think many of the people I consider "friends" like me anyway, more politely putting up with me. I'm not very loud or annoying or anything (or maybe I am, and just can't see it but I digress) but sometimes I just feel hollow, like I've got no personality, and who wants to be around that? They're all just so good at life, if that makes sense. They're all either super studious or smart or attractive or charming or kind, and I'm just none of those things. I feel like a small child trying to talk to teenagers. These people are just so intimidating in their accomplishments and if im honest functionality. It feels isolating a lot of the time, but I feel I can take solace in that I know, in a while, it will all go away. Even if I can't talk about it with anyone ik irl.
I told one friend. He was super "NONODONTDOITNO" iykwim. It kind of made our friendship a bit weirder. Like awkward, like he's walking on eggshells whenever he speaks to me. It felt horrible when I told him too. I was fucking spiralling and freaking out and while he tried to comfort me, it just felt like coming out or smth (lol). It felt awkward as I was telling him. I felt so ashamed for feeling suicidal, for forcing my emotions on him, for making it his problem.
I'm honestly so grateful for SaSu. Even if I don't know any of your names, I still feel I can confide in you guys and be real. If you've finished reading this, you probably know me better than like 75% of the people ik irl. It's probs why interactions irl feel so shit for me. I can't cope with the constant semi-facade. Over time, I changed so many pieces of myself to appeal to people who are just better than me, that I eventually lost any sense of who I am.
The fact I have a place to vent and be heard has def made living a little more tolerable tho. Luv u guys <3
I don't think many of the people I consider "friends" like me anyway, more politely putting up with me. I'm not very loud or annoying or anything (or maybe I am, and just can't see it but I digress) but sometimes I just feel hollow, like I've got no personality, and who wants to be around that? They're all just so good at life, if that makes sense. They're all either super studious or smart or attractive or charming or kind, and I'm just none of those things. I feel like a small child trying to talk to teenagers. These people are just so intimidating in their accomplishments and if im honest functionality. It feels isolating a lot of the time, but I feel I can take solace in that I know, in a while, it will all go away. Even if I can't talk about it with anyone ik irl.
I told one friend. He was super "NONODONTDOITNO" iykwim. It kind of made our friendship a bit weirder. Like awkward, like he's walking on eggshells whenever he speaks to me. It felt horrible when I told him too. I was fucking spiralling and freaking out and while he tried to comfort me, it just felt like coming out or smth (lol). It felt awkward as I was telling him. I felt so ashamed for feeling suicidal, for forcing my emotions on him, for making it his problem.
I'm honestly so grateful for SaSu. Even if I don't know any of your names, I still feel I can confide in you guys and be real. If you've finished reading this, you probably know me better than like 75% of the people ik irl. It's probs why interactions irl feel so shit for me. I can't cope with the constant semi-facade. Over time, I changed so many pieces of myself to appeal to people who are just better than me, that I eventually lost any sense of who I am.
The fact I have a place to vent and be heard has def made living a little more tolerable tho. Luv u guys <3
