I feel sick because of ctb thoughts

[dandan]

thinking a lot of ctb
thinking too much about the pain my mother will go through
thinking a lot in the pain I would go through if I dont ctb
thinking a lot in all the pain I will experience if I dont ctb
makes me feel sick, sick of myself, im grotesque, this ctb thoughts are so sick and negative, but positive thoughts just keep me hovering over my own problems

 

[CoolGuy9]

thinking a lot of ctb
thinking too much about the pain my mother will go through
thinking a lot in the pain I would go through if I dont ctb
thinking a lot in all the pain I will experience if I dont ctb
makes me feel sick, sick of myself, im grotesque, this ctb thoughts are so sick and negative, but positive thoughts just keep me hovering over my own problems

Are you like me in the sense that you don't wanna ctb, but being alive is the worse option so you just gotta do this once and never worry about it again?

 

[Volomori83]

Are you like me in the sense that you don't wanna ctb, but being alive is the worse option so you just gotta do this once and never worry about it again?

I don't think it's ever a case of people "wanting" to die but saying that is the easiest way to articulate the fact that our lives, for whatever reasons, fall way short of the quality expected to be able to sustain a meaningful existence. For me, the easiest way to explain it is I don't want to die but I have absolutely no will or desire to continue living.

I don't relish those thoughts. I feel sick to my stomach every time I envision my dangling from the end of a rope, but I weep uncontrollably often when thinking of my potential continued existence.

You're absolutely right, there is once task for me left to carry out and then no more. As sick as I feel thinking and saying these things but the alternative makes me feel waaay worse.

 

[Thin Chew]

Honest thought for you. Don't do it if you cant. Do it if you can. That's all. Don't hestitate if you are desperate to die.

Thinking so much wouldn't help
Think about it. Why would you wanna suicide if you still think of your parents. Maybe you might feel that you want to die. But deep inside you don't wanna die

 

[dandan]

Are you like me in the sense that you don't wanna ctb, but being alive is the worse option so you just gotta do this once and never worry about it again?

Yup, I wish I could still live a good life, I don't want to ctb, but staying alive Life won't get better! So yes, ctb seems like the best choice.

Maybe you might feel that you want to die. But deep inside you don't wanna die

Sure, deep inside I don't want to die, and I want a good life, but doesn't seems possible. Deep inside who wants die? And why is that person alive?.... In my opinion this is the kind of stupid thinking I hate. Maybe I misunderstood, but whoever who wants to die deep inside then they be dead unless physically unable.

 

[CoolGuy9]

I don't think it's ever a case of people "wanting" to die but saying that is the easiest way to articulate the fact that our lives, for whatever reasons, fall way short of the quality expected to be able to sustain a meaningful existence. For me, the easiest way to explain it is I don't want to die but I have absolutely no will or desire to continue living.

I don't relish those thoughts. I feel sick to my stomach every time I envision my dangling from the end of a rope, but I weep uncontrollably often when thinking of my potential continued existence.

You're absolutely right, there is once task for me left to carry out and then no more. As sick as I feel thinking and saying these things but the alternative makes me feel waaay worse.

I now feel a bit silly, because I already knew that nobody really wants to die, but they just don't wanna live either, but forgot about it. Oh well mistakes happen. What I personally fear even more is that the help I will soon get won't actually help and I don't have enough will power to ctb meaning I will just continue to live in misery. I was telling myself that I have about a month to live... about 8 months ago... I really hope there is still hope for me and I also hope that for you.

 

[dandan]

I now feel a bit silly, because I already knew that nobody really wants to die, but they just don't wanna live either, but forgot about it. Oh well mistakes happen. What I personally fear even more is that the help I will soon get won't actually help and I don't have enough will power to ctb meaning I will just continue to live in misery. I was telling myself that I have about a month to live... about 8 months ago... I really hope there is still hope for me and I also hope that for you.

why do you have that 8 months or a month to live?
illness or debt or something pressuring you?

I dont want to die, I might not have what it takes to ctb

Why continue living in misery?
Why cant we enjoy life?
Why cant my thoughts empower me to ride and cruise, behold take life in my own hands and make the most and whatever I can from it?
Powerful shit.... and I need a way to make money too... hahaha thats the hardest I guess..

 

[Volomori83]

I now feel a bit silly, because I already knew that nobody really wants to die, but they just don't wanna live either, but forgot about it. Oh well mistakes happen. What I personally fear even more is that the help I will soon get won't actually help and I don't have enough will power to ctb meaning I will just continue to live in misery. I was telling myself that I have about a month to live... about 8 months ago... I really hope there is still hope for me and I also hope that for you.

Nothing whatsoever to apologise for. We were basically saying the same thing. People do generally use the phrase "I want to die" (even me) because it's an easier way to articulate that you don't want to live anymore like we are.

Thanks for your words of hope, I deeply appreciate it because I know it comes from the heart. Unfortunately what I lack more than hope is simply a will to go on. Nothing can replace that I don't think.

 

[OnlyMercy]

I suspect that the act of suicide often requires a great deal of courage. It is reasonable to be terrified of death, it is only natural for humans to fear the unknown.

It may very well be better to have an end in terror and commit the act than embrace a life of misery which is a terror with no end.

 

[c824767]

thinking a lot of ctb
thinking too much about the pain my mother will go through
thinking a lot in the pain I would go through if I dont ctb
thinking a lot in all the pain I will experience if I dont ctb
makes me feel sick, sick of myself, im grotesque, this ctb thoughts are so sick and negative, but positive thoughts just keep me hovering over my own problems

what if you woke up as a millipede. Trauma is real. Post traumatic stress is real. present traumatic stress is the precursor of post traumatic stress. Many say that if you do not feel sick at thinking about the state of the planet, you are not normal.