Venting i feel shit

[letmeseethedeath]

my niece is just born and i'm so depressed. my parents are on hospital to see her and they're saying i'm a piece of shit and telling me bad things like: "i wish i could never had you" but they don't understand what i'm going through. they don't understand im fighting my depression. they don't understand depression is killing me slowly. they think it's all an excuse. i'm ashamed to say that but i didn't even showered my self. tbh i'm not able to do it since several days ugh. i just feel to cry and stay hidden in my home playing video games. does anybody feel the same way?

 

[Hunter100]

Why would they say they never had you? While literally holding a newborn baby! That is beyond fucked up! Who says something like that to their own kid. My mom has said things like this to me but it is always when we are having extremely heated intense fights. Not while experiencing the joy of holding her new grandkid.

You're not the only one who finds it hard to face the day. So you're not alone. Trust me

 

[letmeseethedeath]

Why would they say they never had you? While literally holding a newborn baby! That is beyond fucked up! Who says something like that to their own kid. My mom has said things like this to me but it is always when we are having extremely heated intense fights. Not while experiencing the joy of holding her new grandkid.

You're not the only one who finds it hard to face the day. So you're not alone. Trust me

my mom always say that. she doesn't care about me. never cared tbh. when i was at high school she didn't even cook for me and so it is. i'm missing the most important medical care and foods. that's so bad, i want to escape but facing the truth i can't do anything. the only way is to ctb. i'm in the mood i just nesso to fight the survival instinct. also thank you for the support, that's overwhelming my heart

 

[bigj75]

man fuck your parents. no disrespect but Jesus Christ most parents are so full of shit and selfish. most parents really don't know shit. hope you find peace.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

man fuck your parents. no disrespect but Jesus Christ most parents are so full of shit and selfish. most parents really don't know shit. hope you find peace.

i absolutely agree with you. i want to escape from here. now they're treating me like i don't exist. well, they did it already but now not even asking me if i'm ok

 

[Coolchicka]

You most definitely not a burden -- you are suffering from a clinical illness! I'm sorry that your parents are too short-sighted to understand that.

Do you think you will be independent of them any time soon?

 

[letmeseethedeath]

You most definitely not a burden -- you are suffering from a clinical illness! I'm sorry that your parents are too short-sighted to understand that.

Do you think you will be independent of them any time soon?

thanks you for the support
i'm looking for a job, most an online job so i can get my N, that's the only way out i have. i dreamed about going away from this hell house because i don't get food and other stuffs. i had a blood test who said my vitamin D is 1 so it's likely i'll have osteoporosis soon, plus i don't have iron in my blood. they abuse me and make me feel wrong for everything in this life. i really want to die since i have no chance to go away. i'm so broken

 

[Coolchicka]

thanks you for the support ❤
i'm looking for a job, most an online job so i can get my N, that's the only way out i have. i dreamed about going away from this hell house because i don't get food and other stuffs. i had a blood test who said my vitamin D is 1 so it's likely i'll have osteoporosis soon, plus i don't have iron in my blood. they abuse me and make me feel wrong for everything in this life. i really want to die since i have no chance to go away. i'm so broken

This is clearly abuse. Please try to get in touch with child protective services or reach out to a trusted family member or friend if you can.

Don't hesitate to reach out to members of this community; we'll gladly help in any way that we can.

I truly think you have a lot of life ahead of you, so I hope you give life another chance without your shitty toxic parents.

Wishing you the best, hugs ❤
I've had a a vitamin d deficiency (5) for nearly my whole life, and I started to see improvements in my mood when I started talking supplements.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

This is clearly abuse. Please try to get in touch with child protective services or reach out to a trusted family member or friend if you can.

Don't hesitate to reach out to members of this community; we'll gladly help in any way that we can.

I truly think you have a lot of life ahead of you, so I hope you give life another chance without your shitty toxic parents.

Wishing you the best, hugs ❤
I've had a a vitamin d deficiency (5) for nearly my whole life, and I started to see improvements in my mood when I started talking supplements.

really i'm so glad to get support from you guys. thank you so much i feel blessed.
i'm trying my best to get a job and start a new life but then my demons keep on killing me

 

[Sweet emotion]

my niece is just born and i'm so depressed. my parents are on hospital to see her and they're saying i'm a piece of shit and telling me bad things like: "i wish i could never had you" but they don't understand what i'm going through. they don't understand im fighting my depression. they don't understand depression is killing me slowly. they think it's all an excuse. i'm ashamed to say that but i didn't even showered my self. tbh i'm not able to do it since several days ugh. i just feel to cry and stay hidden in my home playing video games. does anybody feel the same way?

OMG I'm beyond sorry that your parents treat you like that. Please don't hate me for saying this but they are awful people. How old are you? Don't feel bad about not showering. When you're depressed and full of anxiety and don't go out in public showering is the last thing on your mind. Once I didn't shower for two weeks. I just said the hell with it. If you could get a job and get away from your parents, would you want to live?

 

[letmeseethedeath]

OMG I'm beyond sorry that your parents treat you like that. Please don't hate me for saying this but they are awful people. How old are you? Don't feel bad about not showering. When you're depressed and full of anxiety and don't go out in public showering is the last thing on your mind. Once I didn't shower for two weeks. I just said the hell with it. If you could get a job and get away from your parents, would you want to live?

i agree with you. they are. plus i can't even have a girlfriend because they want to control my life. i'm 24 the 20th december and i don't think ill live if i'll get a job because i have so many deep scars from what i am and how my body is.. gender dysphoria :/

 

[Sweet emotion]

i agree with you. they are. plus i can't even have a girlfriend because they want to control my life. i'm 24 the 20th december and i don't think ill live if i'll get a job because i have so many deep scars from what i am and how my body is.. gender dysphoria :/

What is gender dysphoria?

 

[letmeseethedeath]

What is gender dysphoria?

when you feel you are born in the wrong body. Gender dysphoria (GD) is the distress a person feels due to a mismatch between their gender identity and their sex assigned at birth. People who experience gender dysphoria are typically transgender.
also i have several problems with my height and my small hands.. i'm so sorry for people who are suffering with cancer and etc but this is eating me inside. that's breaking me, destroying everything about me

 

[Sweet emotion]

when you feel you are born in the wrong body. Gender dysphoria (GD) is the distress a person feels due to a mismatch between their gender identity and their sex assigned at birth. People who experience gender dysphoria are typically transgender.
also i have several problems with my height and my small hands.. i'm so sorry for people who are suffering with cancer and etc but this is eating me inside. that's breaking me, destroying everything about me

I have a transgender cousin. He was born Tommy but transitioned to Nicole. I see her no differently as a person. She did what she had to do. She is much older than me now. She had her surgery done in the 70s but it didn't stop anyone else in our family from loving her any less. We even compared boobs together haha. She's very beautiful. I'm glad for her because before she transitioned she had a child who accepted her into her life. And she now has a child and a granddaughter. Unfortunately, she has HIV. It was of no doing of her own. Her scumbag husband cheated on her and came home and gave it to her? But believe it or not she's doing better health wise than I am.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I always felt like a girl. It wasn't even something have to think about. Something that didn't even enter my mind. I can't explain the pain you are feeling especially with the world and how it is now a days. Let's face it it want good back then to transgenders either. It's something I find very close minded about people. No transgender person is going to burn in hell or is certain to live a life of misery. I am praying for your every happiness. And believe me, cancer isn't the worst thing in the world. You keep fighting. Maybe you can get a surgery later down the line if that is something you wish to do.

 

[Jean4]

You cannot choose your parents. If they were friends with whom you could choose, you wouldn't have chosen them.

Since you have no choice, realize their feelings towards you, while they hurt, are inconsequential. We all love you here, and are glad you chose to spend time here. We love you as you are. No reason to hide it or change :)

 

[CrushedHopes]

How do you plan to CTB? Have you looked at our resources?

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I have a transgender cousin. He was born Tommy but transitioned to Nicole. I see her no differently as a person. She did what she had to do. She is much older than me now. She had her surgery done in the 70s but it didn't stop anyone else in our family from loving her any less. We even compared boobs together haha. She's very beautiful. I'm glad for her because before she transitioned she had a child who accepted her into her life. And she now has a child and a granddaughter. Unfortunately, she has HIV. It was of no doing of her own. Her scumbag husband cheated on her and came home and gave it to her? But believe it or not she's doing better health wise than I am.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I always felt like a girl. It wasn't even something have to think about. Something that didn't even enter my mind. I can't explain the pain you are feeling especially with the world and how it is now a days. Let's face it it want good back then to transgenders either. It's something I find very close minded about people. No transgender person is going to burn in hell or is certain to live a life of misery. I am praying for your every happiness. And believe me, cancer isn't the worst thing in the world. You keep fighting. Maybe you can get a surgery later down the line if that is something you wish to do.

you summarized perfectly how i feel. i'm so glad your cousin chose to live her real life instead of what i'm doing "surviving" like a ghost and let everything eat me. thank you for the support i'm sending a big hug to you

You cannot choose your parents. If they were friends with whom you could choose, you wouldn't have chosen them.

Since you have no choice, realize their feelings towards you, while they hurt, are inconsequential. We all love you here, and are glad you chose to spend time here. We love you as you are. No reason to hide it or change :)

thank you for the support. i love you all and thanks again. SS saved me from the worst time but you know, i still feel i need to kill myself

How do you plan to CTB? Have you looked at our resources?

Yes, but it's so difficult to fight my survival instinct ugh. i tried hanging but failed. i'm trying to get some little works so maybe i can go with N

 

[CrushedHopes]

Yes, but it's so difficult to fight my survival instinct ugh. i tried hanging but failed. i'm trying to get some little works so maybe i can go with N

Do you even know where to acquire legit N? There's a lot of scammers out there.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

Do you even know where to acquire legit N? There's a lot of scammers out there.

yes i know, thank you for making this clear the only real problem is that i love in a country with restrictions so i'm not sure if i'll get it

yes i know, thank you for making this clear the only real problem is that i love in a country with restrictions so i'm not sure if i'll get it

live*

 

[letmeseethedeath]

hey guys sorry but i don't want to make another thread. is there anybody to talk with? it's 11:36 pm and i can't sleep at night please text me i'm so lonely i pass every night crying that would be better talking to somebody. i'm gonna ctb soon anyway

 

[MeltingHeart]

You most definitely not a burden -- you are suffering from a clinical illness! I'm sorry that your parents are too short-sighted to understand that.

Do you think you will be independent of them any time soon?

Also what comes first the clinical illness and then being told yr a burden due to that-or if they have been told that all their lives- is it any wonder they might develop or it might worsen any existing predisposition to depression etc. so messed up!

hey guys sorry but i don't want to make another thread. is there anybody to talk with? it's 11:36 pm and i can't sleep at night please text me i'm so lonely i pass every night crying that would be better talking to somebody. i'm gonna ctb soon anyway

Hey. I spend a lot of time crying to- I also got told I wasn't wanted throughout my child hood- I sense I may be quite a bit older than you- I feel like I should hve been able to get over that by now - but hearing it has stuck with me tbh. Though I don't want to suggest that you can't get over a traumatic childhood, many people do and go on to live full & happy lives- I just had other things that went wrong too! Sorry didn't mean to make this reply about me! I don't sleep. If u want to pm or chat a little feel free. I don't know yr story but feel free to share it if u like.