I feel safe

[violetdevil]

Just knowing I have 2 bottles of N makes me feel not so trapped. I'm too much of a pussy to go through with it, but maybe that means I don't really want to commit suicide?

 

[jodes2]

I envy you! Wish I had 2 bottles of N! I wouldn't use it either right now though, not while I'm with my gf, can't do it to her, I'm all she has.

Maybe you just wished you could end what life is throwing at you, without all the consequences of CTB. There's a lot to overcome. I'm borderline on the fence if you really want to CTB? Sort of yes, sort of no. It's good that you're not going to be impulsive about it though. Maybe you can find positive reasons to keep on going, find some joy in life to make it worth it

 

[onceuponadec]

Maybe. I feel that way sometimes too. I want to stay and experience the world, but I also want to leave at times. I have good days and bad days.

 

[my-end]

Maybe it means you're not miserable enough to go through with it. It doesn't mean you're not miserable at all and it's ok to be scared. I am. Of not knowing what to expect, but realistically I should know there's nothing TO expect.

 

[Wannagonow]

I agree with you that simply having the means to potentially ctb can take off some pressure. I definitely don't wanna be here. But for me, taking that last step is huge. I'm hoping I can avoid being impulsive. Try to not be so hard on yourself. It's good you're trying to think things thru.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that after all, only you know if you should ctb or not, I believe that it's a feeling that you have when you know that it's the right time to leave. But I really really envy you, you are so incredibly fortunate to have a method as peaceful and reliable as N, I know that if I had some I would be gone from this horrific existence as soon as possible.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it is definitely reasuring to know you have a means of going when you choose. Reckon- just put it somewhere safe and accept whatever you feel now. If you have doubts- listen to them and maybe work out what to do to try and make life a little better. As others have said, I think people seem to know deep down when it is their time. All the best to you.

 

[Givenuponlife]

You have it when/if you wish to use it. There's no shame to not using it if you've no stomach nor reason for it, especially for this most final decision.