i feel nothing

[Anna.]

every day i get more and more sure about CTB. i have bipolar and i can't work but i keep being pressured to. my meds make me feel nothing. my family hate me. (i'm not just saying that, i mean they REALLY hate me). im beginning to get my affairs in order. i've left my wife an apartment to live in, my pets have insurance. the only things left are my things, my letters and the actual source of SN. that's the hardest part, i've found. finding a source. it's damn hard.

 

[Wannagonow]

I'm also bipolar, so I somewhat understand where you're coming from. Medication has never worked for me so they don't alter how I feel. I'm sorry you feel your family hates you. Mine just literally ignore me, holidays and all. In recent years I've become unable to work. No one pressures me about it- but I miss it. I have no social connections now. I envy you getting your affairs in order. I'm too lazy. I keep searching for that elusive, safer way to ctb. Haven't found it yet. I sincerely wish you peace in your journey. I really mean that.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for, it must be tiring what you are going through and it's sad how others can just make things worse for us when there is already enough suffering that continues to exist in this world. But it can certainly be frustrating how the world we exist in makes dying so potentially difficult for us, I mean continuing to exist is only delaying the inevitable anyway so there is no sense to making it so complicated for people to find ways to die. All that life is, is just waiting for death anyway, there is nothing more normal than death.