scordatura
Emptiness
- Sep 12, 2025
- 33
I feel my time is close now.
I will do a few more practice attempts with partial, see if I can get it right and pass out within a few seconds. If I can do that. It's time for my full attempt. Will the technique for partial carry over to full suspension fine?
I've finally nothing left, and no desire for the future. I'm so empty and if I don't feel that, its, anger, intense paranoia, or just agony of emotional pain. I've fucked up the last of my life, and have now dropped out of college. My lecturers were the last people to have faith in me, but I am no one to have faith in. I'm sick of all the shit from my past plaguing my existence, and plaguing my future. I can't take it anymore. I have lost my desires, I have no energy and I make everyone hate me. I wanted to go missing, but I don't have the energy to plan it, I want to go now. I really want to leave. I am in pain, and a pain regular folk just can't understand, as such I feel intensely misunderstood.
I'm in my late 20's now, I have no career prospects, I have no love prospects, no friends and the last passion I had has been erased and I can't find it anywhere within me anymore. I will very likely lose my flat, and wind up homeless.
My past has left me completely broken and unfunctional in today's society, and I can't find a way to heal it. I don't think it's possible to heal it, I have tried. Medications, and various therapy's but here I am, I'm still completely fucked up. I can't get a break from my head, and even sleep doesn't take me out of it, once sleep was my temporary death, but even I can't have a break there now. Everyone has given up on me, and I have given up on myself too.
I feel a lot for love for people in my life, but that love has only caused more and more pain. I don't plan on leaving any notes for anyone. I still want to go missing honestly but, I need out fast. I don't want family forced to pay for my funeral. I'm so sorry family. I'm so sorry. To leave one last burden on you.
I am unable to express myself in healthy ways. I break everyone I am near. I never wanted to plague anyone, but I feel it's all I do.
I am going to head out for a smoke just now. I don't know when exactly I will go for my full attempt, but it can't be long now. I wish I had a gun, it would be so easy.
I will do a few more practice attempts with partial, see if I can get it right and pass out within a few seconds. If I can do that. It's time for my full attempt. Will the technique for partial carry over to full suspension fine?
I've finally nothing left, and no desire for the future. I'm so empty and if I don't feel that, its, anger, intense paranoia, or just agony of emotional pain. I've fucked up the last of my life, and have now dropped out of college. My lecturers were the last people to have faith in me, but I am no one to have faith in. I'm sick of all the shit from my past plaguing my existence, and plaguing my future. I can't take it anymore. I have lost my desires, I have no energy and I make everyone hate me. I wanted to go missing, but I don't have the energy to plan it, I want to go now. I really want to leave. I am in pain, and a pain regular folk just can't understand, as such I feel intensely misunderstood.
I'm in my late 20's now, I have no career prospects, I have no love prospects, no friends and the last passion I had has been erased and I can't find it anywhere within me anymore. I will very likely lose my flat, and wind up homeless.
My past has left me completely broken and unfunctional in today's society, and I can't find a way to heal it. I don't think it's possible to heal it, I have tried. Medications, and various therapy's but here I am, I'm still completely fucked up. I can't get a break from my head, and even sleep doesn't take me out of it, once sleep was my temporary death, but even I can't have a break there now. Everyone has given up on me, and I have given up on myself too.
I feel a lot for love for people in my life, but that love has only caused more and more pain. I don't plan on leaving any notes for anyone. I still want to go missing honestly but, I need out fast. I don't want family forced to pay for my funeral. I'm so sorry family. I'm so sorry. To leave one last burden on you.
I am unable to express myself in healthy ways. I break everyone I am near. I never wanted to plague anyone, but I feel it's all I do.
I am going to head out for a smoke just now. I don't know when exactly I will go for my full attempt, but it can't be long now. I wish I had a gun, it would be so easy.
