Venting I feel like such a hypocrite

[sylvey]

I spend all my time telling my friends that it'll be okay, that suicide isn't the answer, that I'll fix everything, all while I'm actively just trying to find any and every way to end my life.
I'm a terrible person and I'd say I deserve to die but since that's what I want I don't think I deserve it. I deserve to suffer.

 

[lacrimosa]

You're not a hypocrite. It's simply cognitive dissonance you are experiencing. Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person feels when their behavior does not align with their values or beliefs. Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when a person holds two contradictory beliefs at the same time.

That's all. It can be overwhelming and it's part of the human condition. We all lead lives where we have moments where it's do as I say, not as I do because we don't want to hurt others or want others to suffer from the decisions we make or beliefs we hold.

If it is bothering you, maybe you don't want to die literally but more metaphorically. Perhaps there is a part of you that wants to die or change and there are ways that you can change for the better. I don't want to preach and what you do with your life is ultimately your decision. But, I'm just trying to shine some light on your situation and perhaps there are more reasons for you to live and kill the bad parts rather than end your life completely.

 

[sickofthisht]

Currently for me, it feels like the only answer. I just don't see a way around it

 

[sylvey]

You're not a hypocrite. It's simply cognitive dissonance you are experiencing. Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person feels when their behavior does not align with their values or beliefs. Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when a person holds two contradictory beliefs at the same time.

That's all. It can be overwhelming and it's part of the human condition. We all lead lives where we have moments where it's do as I say, not as I do because we don't want to hurt others or want others to suffer from the decisions we make or beliefs we hold.

If it is bothering you, maybe you don't want to die literally but more metaphorically. Perhaps there is a part of you that wants to die or change and there are ways that you can change for the better. I don't want to preach and what you do with your life is ultimately your decision. But, I'm just trying to shine some light on your situation and perhaps there are more reasons for you to live and kill the bad parts rather than end your life completely.

There isn't really another answer. I'm just not brave or strong enough to kill myself because I'm a coward and that's the only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward