sad_frog
Member
- May 21, 2019
- 97
About 6 years ago I tried to kill myself and woke up 3 days later in the hospital. TBH, I was happy to be alive and was ready to try anything to rid myself of depression, especially since I had been dealing with depression and suicidal ideation since I entered middle school. So when this doctor came to ME and asked me if I would be willing to try ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) I said yes without hesitation.
The problem was that I had JUST turned 18 and no one as young as me had been allowed this treatment in my state (USA). My psychiatrist got me in anyways and wrote a nice little report about me, getting him into a nice position.
The ECT didn't help, everything about ECT was hell and after three years of it my doctor stopped pushing it on me because "WE'RE STARTING THIS NEW EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT."
He put me on rTMS and wrote ANOTHER paper on me because once again I was the youngest patient to try this treatment at the time. This treatment helped a little but when I came back later he tried to push ketamine drip onto me. Instead I did another round of rTMS which had nearly no effect on me. So now my doctor tries to push Spravato on me, a ketamine nose spray that apparently helps you develop new neurological connection in your brain.
Every check up appointment he rambles the whole 30 mins about how great this treatment is and how people "just like me" have recovered. Basically the same story I've heard for 6 years. I do not want to be part of another experimental treatment just for this guy to get on the 10pm Fox news slot again(which he loves to talk about)
I'd also like to mention that I was diagnosed with BPD by my doctor..... But only after my boyfriend became fed up with my doctors and started looking up treatments for myself and discovered im strikingly similar to someone who has BPD. He sent ONE email and now I have BPD. ....But do you know what would help that, SPRAVATO!!!
After I told my doctor that it's a firm "No, I'm not doing spravato," he has sorta thrown me into a corner, making me feel like I'm not advocating for myself because I don't want to try an experimental brain altering medication. He hasn't responded to any emails since that day as well, over 5 months. His entirety is different around me now that I dont let him push me around on medication and treatments. He also likes to tell me that "that's not normal" when I'm experiencing problems with medication. For example I was on this medication that boosts my anti depressent. This med also happened to be an antibiotic and after taking it a while I noticed I would have a yeast infection after every period. This is not uncommon when taking an antibiotic everyday over a prolonged period of time but my doctor would like me to think that it is uncommon.
Ugh, im just tired of these fucking doctors, I don't feel like I can trust anyone.
The problem was that I had JUST turned 18 and no one as young as me had been allowed this treatment in my state (USA). My psychiatrist got me in anyways and wrote a nice little report about me, getting him into a nice position.
The ECT didn't help, everything about ECT was hell and after three years of it my doctor stopped pushing it on me because "WE'RE STARTING THIS NEW EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT."
He put me on rTMS and wrote ANOTHER paper on me because once again I was the youngest patient to try this treatment at the time. This treatment helped a little but when I came back later he tried to push ketamine drip onto me. Instead I did another round of rTMS which had nearly no effect on me. So now my doctor tries to push Spravato on me, a ketamine nose spray that apparently helps you develop new neurological connection in your brain.
Every check up appointment he rambles the whole 30 mins about how great this treatment is and how people "just like me" have recovered. Basically the same story I've heard for 6 years. I do not want to be part of another experimental treatment just for this guy to get on the 10pm Fox news slot again(which he loves to talk about)
I'd also like to mention that I was diagnosed with BPD by my doctor..... But only after my boyfriend became fed up with my doctors and started looking up treatments for myself and discovered im strikingly similar to someone who has BPD. He sent ONE email and now I have BPD. ....But do you know what would help that, SPRAVATO!!!
After I told my doctor that it's a firm "No, I'm not doing spravato," he has sorta thrown me into a corner, making me feel like I'm not advocating for myself because I don't want to try an experimental brain altering medication. He hasn't responded to any emails since that day as well, over 5 months. His entirety is different around me now that I dont let him push me around on medication and treatments. He also likes to tell me that "that's not normal" when I'm experiencing problems with medication. For example I was on this medication that boosts my anti depressent. This med also happened to be an antibiotic and after taking it a while I noticed I would have a yeast infection after every period. This is not uncommon when taking an antibiotic everyday over a prolonged period of time but my doctor would like me to think that it is uncommon.
Ugh, im just tired of these fucking doctors, I don't feel like I can trust anyone.
