Venting I feel like my mother is always manipulating me.

[sad_frog]

I grew up with my mother (who has now had secondary progressive MS for 26 years) and her mother most of my life. As her illness grew worse lesions started popping up in her MRI's.. It was harder to get along with her and I had moved out as soon as I could at 19. I do love my mom very much but as soon as I was a teenager and started showing signs of leaving to make a life for myself she grabbed on tight and didn't want to let go. I was practically her only friend.

So a few weeks ago I was taking a shower and I was getting a bunch of "scam likely" calls so turned on the block feature so I could continue my shower in peace. A few minutes later I hear a knock on my door. I thought that was weird, had to be someone I knew so I shouted out "HOLD ON, I'M IN THE SHOWER." That's when I heard a loud bang, whoever was outside my door was trying to knock it in! I started freaking out and get out of the shower with soap still in my hair and grabbed my phone in case I needed to call for help. When I get to the peep hole I see it is my mom and let her in. She starts stomping around through my house saying she is "SO, SO LATE TO [HER] PHYSICAL THERAPY" (which is strange, I was just at the doctor's with her and they said it would take her a while to get into physical therapy. Also the night before we had talked about when she thought physical therapy would start and mentioned she believed her doctor wouldn't get to the paperwork anytime soon. So I left it at that.)
My mom wanted my copy of garage door opener to her house is, again stating how late she is. (Why did she need that opener if she was going to the doctors? Maybe she could have been less "late" if she came here after her appointment) All the time she's walking around and across my bed (which is on the floor) telling me how hard this must be for the random ass Mormon to drop her day to take her to the doctor's (obviously hinting that I should be the one taking after her even though she DIDN'T ASK ME. I ignore and try to be sympathetic) After she leaves I notice that my soaking wet body drenched the phone I'd been clutching in my hand. IT'S BROKEN.

Que me not having or being able to buy a phone because I'm fucking poor. I let my mom know through Email what had happened to my phone and if she needed to contact me to use facetime or email me.
So my mom emails me a few days later telling me how lonely she is, how the doctors and nurses are probably all laughing at her because she hasn't had a single visiter this weekend. Apparently she was in the hospital doing a round of steroids, which surprised me, ((LIKE I SAID I WAS JUST AT THE DOC WITH HER AND THEY NEVER MENTIONED DOING STEROIDS ANYTIME SOON, especially within the very next week!!)) I told her I was sorry and that I had no idea she was in the hospital.

When she got out of the hospital a day later I got her and took her home and returned to the apartment. Later we had a facetime session and she kept telling me how disappointed she is in her family and especially her daughters for not visiting. I keep trying to apologize, I told her again and again that if I had only known I would have come visited. She tells me "You're not the only one who I'm complaining about," "your sister didn't show up either," (UH WHAT? My sister was in Costa Rica with her family-in-laws for her birthday and also she sorta been out of our lives since she moved out 14 years ago. So this is a totally unreasonable thing to want happen.) She keeps telling me about how she wished the people in her life gave a damn about her and that's about the time I stopped giving a damn and hung up.

She has been sending me emails about how she wishes I would just take her to do stuff and that I was more available to her. Continuing to make me feel like a horrible child.

Today is her birthday and I can't......I can't do it. I can't go over to her house and have her tell me how much I don't care about the her. I can't listen to her as she tells me that my S.O. of 6 years (and love of my life) is trying to take me from her. Her complain that I didn't draw her a picture for her bday (I'm a artist and freelance animator, I may be sitting on my ass but I'm ALWAYS working) I don't want to hear her complain about the toxic people in her life, tell me how lonely she is, complain about her 94yo mother she lives with, tell me how much she would love it if I moved in, and then it will all lead to every misdeed that happened to her.

This morning as I was making coffee and I was having self harming thoughts, anything to keep me from spending time over there! spilling hot coffee over my torso, smashing the mug over my head, tripping down the stairs. I already know I'm just going to a dissapointment. The anxiety is eating me away and now I'm having a full blown anxiety attack.
Writing this is the only thing that's distracting myself from scratching at my skin or slapping myself across the cheek until I bruise and my ears are all hot.

Everyone tells me to block her completely from my life but I don't have the heart. Sadly I also don't have the heart to deal with her because it always ends in a few days of suicidal ideation. Ugh.... I wish the day was oven and it's barely started.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm afraid I have to join the chorus saying you need to cut her out. But in any case, and this from the bottom of my heart, please do not let this hurt or destroy your relationship with your SO. Literally nothing in the world is worth destroying it, let alone a toxic parent.

 

[oopswronglife]

Family...can't live with em...can't live with em.

It's really an impossible situation if you are any kind of a decent person. It's a characteristic others take advantage of. It's even worse when you think or know the person straining you isn't bad...just broken and suffering themselves. It's easy to SAY "break it off" but what person can do that without serious internal stress and guilt? Sometimes it just seems life is choices between bad and worse and you cannot win. Your mothers suffering and worries are understandable and that makes it worse. You are a good person and that makes it worse. There really is no easy path.

On a practical note...what exactly is broken about your phone...what kind is it...and maybe we can find a cheap fix or replacement?

 

[sad_frog]

Family...can't live with em...can't live with em.

It's really an impossible situation if you are any kind of a decent person. It's a characteristic others take advantage of. It's even worse when you think or know the person straining you isn't bad...just broken and suffering themselves. It's easy to SAY "break it off" but what person can do that without serious internal stress and guilt? Sometimes it just seems life is choices between bad and worse and you cannot win. Your mothers suffering and worries are understandable and that makes it worse. You are a good person and that makes it worse. There really is no easy path.

On a practical note...what exactly is broken about your phone...what kind is it...and maybe we can find a cheap fix or replacement?

I'm glad someone finally seems to get it. I can't just block my sick disabled mom even if she makes me feel worthless a lot of the time.

My phone is a used samsung galaxy. The phone itself works but the screen does not, only one corner works. The screen had cracks in it when I bought it and I think the water slipped into the cracks and damaged the touch pad.

 

[oopswronglife]

Which model? Screen replacement is something you can do with a small screwdriver, a plastic prying tool of some sort, and a YouTube video. Up for it if we can find the parts cheap?

 

[Donewith_]

This is a bit difficult..yeah.. you cannot just leave her without feeling guilty..
Sorry..i just hope this will be a bit bearable for you.
Its like..you can't leave, you can't stay. Its difficult for me to deal with my narcissistic father many times..
The problem i face with him is.. emotional manipulation, abuse.. not only with me..but to many people .
But i feel like 'how can he treat his own children like this? When we are suffering and crying because of him..'
I know how shitty things can get..i think..'if i survive..thats good..if i don't, thats just my fate'.. that may sound harsh..but thats what i think.
I just brush things off sometimes..
But my bro is not like me.. he can't bear that his own father can treat his children like that. And i can say it affected him badly.
Before awhile..i was trying hard to get things work in my life.. and he was abusive to me..i used to cry for days, get hurt..that how can he hurt his own daughter like that..i did not speak with him for along time..after many days, i felt a bit guilty. But i cant accept the awful things he said to me..i was in a dilemma.
I myself have narcissistic triats..But i try to control things which are in my hands atleast.
I used to hope that i never met a narcissistic person.
But, Its not like ..he enjoys it too..he too gets hurt and believe it.. many people hate him coz he hurt them badly .
But it is what it is. Many awful things can happen because of these disorders.