So many people here say, that they are a failure and they caused everything bad that happened to them and are a burden.
In many cases this just isn't true. So many people just have bad circumstances that they have no power over.
For example most of my problems were caused by me being autistic with adhd.
But it's not my fault, I didn't sign a consent to be born this way. I could blame myself for every cringe thing I said, that ruined my relationships. Or everytime I got an anxiety attack and had to leave without being able to explain what is wrong to others. Or when I forgot to make a homework, I could just think that I'm simply lazy and hate myself for it.
But after learning more about Autism and ADHD, more I learned that these things are actually common struggles and are very, very difficult to manage and it's a miracle I managed to finish one of the hardest school in my region with all these disadvantages.
Maybe it's because of my neurodivergence, but I never internalized all the insults and complaints others had about me. Becuase even though I felt shame at the moment, something deeper in my just knew that what these people say is just absolute bullshit, crafted by their limited perspective of me.
The shame is there to protect us from being socially ostracized and we would feel shame even if what we did was 100% correct, the feeling of shame would activate if others didn't see it in that way. But that doesn't mean we actually have to believe it.
So many people just internalize the voices of their abusers in their head. And it's not just abusers, but this whole toxic culture we pass onto each other. We celebrate overt humbleness as if it was some platonic ideal we should strive forward.
Children learn that when we look really ashamed after doing something "wrong", then they are less likely to punish us harshly, so we act until we forget we are acting. When we have low status we learn that self depricating humor keeps are safer from bullying. It's just disgusting.
Constantly retrigring this shame over and over. Insulting yourself in your head for every little thing you do wrong. But it just serves no use, it's simply keeping yourself in hell.
In many cases this just isn't true. So many people just have bad circumstances that they have no power over.
For example most of my problems were caused by me being autistic with adhd.
But it's not my fault, I didn't sign a consent to be born this way. I could blame myself for every cringe thing I said, that ruined my relationships. Or everytime I got an anxiety attack and had to leave without being able to explain what is wrong to others. Or when I forgot to make a homework, I could just think that I'm simply lazy and hate myself for it.
But after learning more about Autism and ADHD, more I learned that these things are actually common struggles and are very, very difficult to manage and it's a miracle I managed to finish one of the hardest school in my region with all these disadvantages.
Maybe it's because of my neurodivergence, but I never internalized all the insults and complaints others had about me. Becuase even though I felt shame at the moment, something deeper in my just knew that what these people say is just absolute bullshit, crafted by their limited perspective of me.
The shame is there to protect us from being socially ostracized and we would feel shame even if what we did was 100% correct, the feeling of shame would activate if others didn't see it in that way. But that doesn't mean we actually have to believe it.
So many people just internalize the voices of their abusers in their head. And it's not just abusers, but this whole toxic culture we pass onto each other. We celebrate overt humbleness as if it was some platonic ideal we should strive forward.
Children learn that when we look really ashamed after doing something "wrong", then they are less likely to punish us harshly, so we act until we forget we are acting. When we have low status we learn that self depricating humor keeps are safer from bullying. It's just disgusting.
Constantly retrigring this shame over and over. Insulting yourself in your head for every little thing you do wrong. But it just serves no use, it's simply keeping yourself in hell.
