Venting I feel like I'm trapped

[ethereals]

I had an intake today to join a therapy group, but I don't think I'm actually able to join because of how busy I am. I'm supposed to have a surgery in a couple of months and my college makes it basically impossible for me to be in that therapy group, because of obligated classes, unless I drop out or quit for a year (but that would also mean I'd lose my housing and income so I wouldn't be able to join the group anyway) So it's basically impossible for me.
My psychologist doesn't do shit, I only talk about how I've been the past week and how many times I've had a mental breakdown (many) and she just sits there, listing things I should try like breathing exercises or changing my thought process (As if I haven't fucking tried that??) Nothing she suggests works and I'm basically only venting to her for an hour and she takes my money.
I've wanted to get help, but it's either failing another year of school to get daily therapy, or mindlessly trying to get by each day without any support and just having to pretend to be fine to eventually to be able to get a degree, and continue to work for the rest of my life in a job I know I won't enjoy. What's the fucking point.
I feel like no matter what options I have, I'm always going to be stressed about one thing or another which is just going to result in me hating my life and hating myself. I keep thinking to myself, what if I just fully go through with it this time.

I've attempted before, last year, and it just ended up in me being hospitalized for a couple of days and getting send to the psych ward immediately after. Most stressful experience of my life. It felt like I wasn't even recovering, it was just me being forced to stay there, following group activities and having a nurse check up on me once in a while, and them all pressuring me into telling my family my issues.
Oh and then they keep sending me bills for hundreds of euros, thanks for making me even more broke after basically doing nothing!

God, I'm just so sick of this. It's been years now that I've been feeling this way, and nothing seems to help. I'm just tired and I'm just done. But I feel like I'm trapped because of the amount of responsibilities and obligations I have, and the debt I'll leave behind if I actually go through with it. I'll just be leaving other people with my shit and I don't want to do that to them either, so am I just supposed to suffer like this forever?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

If you're of majority age, I don't think anyone else is obligated to your debts, unless you're married or something like that. If you don't have items of value that would become your "estate", the debtors just have to write of the debt. You can't get blood out of a turnip is the old adage.

 

[ethereals]

If you're of majority age, I don't think anyone else is obligated to your debts, unless you're married or something like that. If you don't have items of value that would become your "estate", the debtors just have to write of the debt. You can't get blood out of a turnip is the old adage.

I'm 19, but I did some searching and it says in the Netherlands your inheritor needs to pay your debt, if they accept. I don't think I have any estate, except for personal items but they aren't of much worth (laptop, phone etc). I have no idea how any of this works but I'm afraid of the risk that my parents need to repay my student debt nonetheless. (I basically lend from the government though) Plus my rent will continue until september (Signed it in a contract or something) and my dad had co signed something (I don't know if that means he would be liable to pay if I don't but it was called being a co-renter). I'm just worried I'll leave them to have to deal with that mess, and potentially get them in an even worse financial position (they already don't make much money). I just wish there was a way I could be sure that can be avoided but I know I can't.

 

[jodes2]

I always found it difficult to get anything out of therapy, besides venting. I found a better way is to really internalise the concept of how changing thoughts and beliefs works, and just practice applying it myself. It can really help. Some self help books are pretty good, but not many. You need to read a few to find one that suits you. I found chatGPT very useful too for explaining how to do congnitive restructuring. You take a negative thought, and analyse it, try to see if it's inaccurate, and can be replaced by a more helpful, more realistic, more positive thought. Then memorise that positive thought and practice it, and repeat with other thoughts. I've also found it helpful to break up big problems into smaller ones, and practice handling one at a time. Get the easier, more helpful problems out the way first to give yourself breathing room.

I'm sorry you've been struggling for so long. I know how that feels. It can feel like a mountain on your shoulders. You need to think about how you can restructure your life to bring you more happiness. Find alternative ways of doing things. Look for different answers. I hope it comes to you.

When you get a job, you can find one that you enjoy. Something you don't mind doing with nice people makes the world of difference. What you're going through now won't last forever, think about the future, things you'd like to do. You can get there. I hope you don't give up! But SS should always be here if you need it with people willing to help

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm 19, but I did some searching and it says in the Netherlands your inheritor needs to pay your debt, if they accept. I don't think I have any estate, except for personal items but they aren't of much worth (laptop, phone etc). I have no idea how any of this works but I'm afraid of the risk that my parents need to repay my student debt nonetheless. (I basically lend from the government though) Plus my rent will continue until september (Signed it in a contract or something) and my dad had co signed something (I don't know if that means he would be liable to pay if I don't but it was called being a co-renter). I'm just worried I'll leave them to have to deal with that mess, and potentially get them in an even worse financial position (they already don't make much money). I just wish there was a way I could be sure that can be avoided but I know I can't.

I admit I'm not familiar with the laws of the Netherlands, but I think you need to do some more research so you have the actual facts. Personally, I can't imagine that your parents would be liable for your student debt if you pass away. Also, with respect to contracts, which is what your rent obligations are, the owing of rent usually terminates upon death (contracts don't survive death). I think it would be worth it for you to research all of your questions in order to put your mind at ease.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds so tiring and stressful what you have to go through, to me that psychologist really sounds so useless and I think that therapy is a scam, designed to profit from people's suffering. It simply cannot remove the very real problems that people have to go through, but anyway it's understandable wishing to be free from this world and it certainly can be so awful feeling trapped here. But anyway, best wishes.