Help I feel like I'm trapped with my thoughts and don't know how to proceed with CBT

[hellokitti]

I just feel like I'm getting no help from anyone in my life.
I've been suffering with depression for about 6 years now. Anxiety with my whole life. I feel like I'm constantly misunderstood by my family and friends and people that I'm close with.
Every time I even remotely bring up suicidal thoughts, my friends say to me that I should be hospitalized and I'm a danger to myself. I can't help but feel very hopeless in this empty void of "life". I feel like I have no voice or place to speak about my thoughts.

I don't understand what's so hard about just listening. I'm planning on killing myself maybe in a few months or something like that, but I feel like I should do it sooner.
What is truly the point of living, if I just feel devalued all the time? What is even the point if I have already been suicidal for many years? I don't understand how I should put other's feelings above my own just because "Oh we would feel awful if you weren't here!" "But we care about you so much!"
I haven't researched about CBT much, because everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't.

If anyone cared about me, they'd listen. But they don't.
Can anyone share their thoughts or methods that they know maybe?

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so tiring suffering like that, sadly I think that a lot of people won't even try to understand. And I just think that type of guilt tripping is really insensitive, it just shows how self centred people truly are, it isn't like any of us are obligated to continue existing here anyway, it would be cruel expecting someone to stay here and suffer against their wishes. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[lilohsuu]

Iven if they listen, sometimes is not Enough, it doesn't get there. It's not enough to want to continue when you wake up in the morning and when you face problems, people are different, and I believe that the solution to such thoughts is too. Sometimes just living a regular life considered "normal" for you is already a sacrifice and a source of dissatisfaction

 

[hellokitti]

It must be so tiring suffering like that, sadly I think that a lot of people won't even try to understand. And I just think that type of guilt tripping is really insensitive, it just shows how self centred people truly are, it isn't like any of us are obligated to continue existing here anyway, it would be cruel expecting someone to stay here and suffer against their wishes. But anyway I wish you the best.

I think the guilt tripping is the worst. Like people tell you that "oh yes you can talk to me about anything I'm here for you!" And then they just straight up ignore all that you're trying to say. It truly is the worst feeling for me. I'm glad you understand, thank you for your reply.

Iven if they listen, sometimes is not Enough, it doesn't get there. It's not enough to want to continue when you wake up in the morning and when you face problems, people are different, and I believe that the solution to such thoughts is too. Sometimes just living a regular life considered "normal" for you is already a sacrifice and a source of dissatisfaction

I feel the same way. I think it's unfair that I have to struggle every day of my life just to meet some stupid standard for living. I hate working and jobs (not that I'm lazy, just minimum wage doesn't really feel rewarding...), and I don't feel free at all or in control of my life. I think I will only truly find peace if I CBT.

 

[garbology]

I understand you. Even if therapy is suggested - as it's usually the case when we talk about ctb - what they do is stop you, they can't allow it in anyway. There's just no place to truly talk about it if it's not SS.

As for methods, I'm sure you'll find the right one for you on here. There are several methods with very detailed explanations. Some more chosen than others. I hope that this place can serve as a comfort zone, some kind of home for you as it is for me.