Venting I feel like I'm slowly going insane

[lucid]

I don't really know where to start here. Everything has been weighing me down lately more than usual and I just can't handle it. I can't handle this stupid fucking virus and especially the isolation that shouldn't even bother me because I never go out and yet somehow it does, I can't handle the constant waking up into thoughts of loneliness every day wishing I'd been fucking smarter so I wouldn't be lonely, I can't handle trying to look past everything trying to be happy to do things like talk to my family and friends when I'm the POLAR FUCKING OPPOSITE. Every day I wake up just wondering if I should ditch my plan, ditch every stupid piece of thought I've put into it and just fucking die right here and now. Because I don't know what else to do. I can't even cry. I want to cry while typing this out but I can't. I hate it so fucking much. I hate everything so fucking much. Life is such a cruel fucking joke.
The part about all of this I hate the most is it's beginning to rub off on my friends, mainly the ones in a similar position as me. When they come to me for help, more often than not I just get the urge to tell them to give up. "I don't know what to say anymore, I've said everything I can" is a good example of something I sent recently. Maybe that's not them giving up, but that's sure as hell me giving up on them. What kind of friend does that?
All I want right now more that ever is for someone to be here for me. I can't describe how much I just want to have someone to fucking hug. I have my parents but it's not the same, it needs to be that someone who's there just for you. Because that's the only thing I can think of that could pull me out of a pit like this. It's fucking hopeless.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Madness is indeed a slow spiral. I understand your frustrations as I've shared many of them myself. I know we're not there to physically hug you, but we're here for you as a community, myself included.

I'd say it gets better but it doesn't always. I'd say that you'll find someone, but you may never. Life can be cruel and that's just the harsh realities of it.

Hopefully this lockdown lifts soon and you can atleast get out a bit. Maybe find something to do that brings you atleast some sort of happiness or relief. Again, I'm here if you ever need to vent or talk about it.

 

[Freedent]

Insanity is such a complex matter, no one really knows what that's even supposed to be. My psychiatrist told me it's losing touch with reality, but that's a broad spectrum. I'd say as long as your memory and senses aren't fooling you, you're not insane.
From what you're saying, i wouldn't say you're insane. I'd say you're hopeless, in a lot of pain, and unable to process your friends emotions. You can be sane and absolutely miserable.
If most of your friends are as miserable as you, it's okay to just leave. You don't owe anything to anyone, really. I hope you find someone you trust to keep you company, i'm here to talk if you feel the need.

 

[Finished]

I don't really know where to start here. Everything has been weighing me down lately more than usual and I just can't handle it. I can't handle this stupid fucking virus and especially the isolation that shouldn't even bother me because I never go out and yet somehow it does, I can't handle the constant waking up into thoughts of loneliness every day wishing I'd been fucking smarter so I wouldn't be lonely, I can't handle trying to look past everything trying to be happy to do things like talk to my family and friends when I'm the POLAR FUCKING OPPOSITE. Every day I wake up just wondering if I should ditch my plan, ditch every stupid piece of thought I've put into it and just fucking die right here and now. Because I don't know what else to do. I can't even cry. I want to cry while typing this out but I can't. I hate it so fucking much. I hate everything so fucking much. Life is such a cruel fucking joke.
The part about all of this I hate the most is it's beginning to rub off on my friends, mainly the ones in a similar position as me. When they come to me for help, more often than not I just get the urge to tell them to give up. "I don't know what to say anymore, I've said everything I can" is a good example of something I sent recently. Maybe that's not them giving up, but that's sure as hell me giving up on them. What kind of friend does that?
All I want right now more that ever is for someone to be here for me. I can't describe how much I just want to have someone to fucking hug. I have my parents but it's not the same, it needs to be that someone who's there just for you. Because that's the only thing I can think of that could pull me out of a pit like this. It's fucking hopeless.

We are so much alike