Venting i feel like i'm losing it

[lucyna]

i was doing better for a while because i was seeing this guy who was extremely lovely towards me for the first 3 days we met, though we had been talking for a while before that. i'm a trans woman so finding a man like that is extremely rare. he introduced me to his friends, he held my hand in public, kissed me and overall we just had great time.
he took me to his friends birthday party and now i just wish he didn't do that because everyone there were so normal and nice towards me, we even went to a gig and he protected me from the moshpit and kept me close to him. i keep getting these vivid memories of that weekend but here i am, lying in the bed and thinking of a way out once again.
i truly believed that he wasn't like the rest. then he became distant and today we cut it off because of "the distance we have" which was pretty clear from the beginning. i'm sure it was something else. it sucks because most men that i talk to only fetishize me and i was dumb enough to have hope that this time it would be different and that it would grow into something beautiful. he's pretty much the only one i want and it being with him felt so natural and i have never felt like that with a man before. god the things i would do to rewind time just to get back to sleeping in his arms. now i'm hundred times more depressed because i felt like a normal woman for a while and it got taken away from me almost instantly. i just ended up being a freak tranny again. i feel like i really don't have any hope left and i hate my life. i can't even cry anymore. i truly had hope that it would be my turning point. this would be fairly normal and common, but when you're trans it feels like hell because i will never feel so loved and normal again. i wish we never met.

i hate morrissey but i've been looping this A LOT

 

[Lost_my_soul]

Time to hear this song

 

[F&Inside]

Hola Lucyna.
When we feel lonely, and a person treats us "well", sometimes we don't want to see those little subtle details that tell us something is wrong. Thinking then, something that is not real.
It has been a very short time and he has left you with a very bad excuse very quickly.
This means that in reality, it wasn't for you.
Sometimes we are disappointed, the best thing is to continue and find that special person, but really. Instead of wasting time with a losing battle and overthinking about it, when it's not worth it. It sounds harsh and cold, but we can't force anyone to be our special person.
I'm sorry, I hope next time you find what you're looking for.

What you demand, reciprocated love and being treated appropriately like a lady, you can really get that from men, and better if they have a certain level of maturity.

 

[lucyna]

Hola Lucyna.
When we feel lonely, and a person treats us "well", sometimes we don't want to see those little subtle details that tell us something is wrong. Thinking then, something that is not real.
It has been a very short time and he has left you with a very bad excuse very quickly.
This means that in reality, it wasn't for you.
Sometimes we are disappointed, the best thing is to continue and find that special person, but really. Instead of wasting time with a losing battle and overthinking about it, when it's not worth it. It sounds harsh and cold, but we can't force anyone to be our special person.
I'm sorry, I hope next time you find what you're looking for.

What you demand, reciprocated love and being treated appropriately like a lady, you can really get that from men, and better if they have a certain level of maturity.

you're right, it just sucks when i've had such bad luck with men. maybe i'm just grieving the feeling more than the person who gave me it. oh well, maybe i'll keep looking when i have the strength to. it hurts a lot, maybe it will be over fairly soon. thank you