Venting I feel like I'm just fighting to survive mentally and psychologically every day to avoid psychosis

[KillingPain267]

Like I'm in a battle every day to just avoid becoming psychotic. I can't do things, plan things or enjoy things, let alone work, because I need to spend so much mental energy to avoid triggers, memories and overthinking. It takes me hours after waking up to get the energy to make something to eat. It takes me hours every night to wind down my overthinking to even fall asleep. It takes me a certain mental sweetspot to even talk to my family.

All this means I am totally worthless and unproductive. I'm basically just wasting ressources. But just existing mentally is EXHAUSTING! I have no goals in life except to avoid becoming psychotic, and I will become insane if I just let my emotions loose and let my brain think whatever it wants. I'm scared for the day I just can't fight anymore. That's why I feel like I have to execute myself.

 

[GoatHerder]

It's not fun, part of the reason I'm here.