Help I feel like I’m dreaming

[DrownedOctopus]

I hate the feeling I get when I get extremely anxious with these thoughts that I have. It's like I'll go extremely numb and feel nothing, like I'm on the back burner in my own body, like I'm in a dream. I feel like I'm watching someone else take control of me, and that I have no feelings anymore.
I'll talk to my husband and have the knowledge that I love him..but so often I feel like it's someone else that isn't me who loves him. The same goes with my daughter.
I don't feel it, even if I know it.
When I get like this, I get really impulsive. I do things to see if I can feel it because generally I don't. So many scars and 2 failed attempts (mostly because of impulsive stupidity, whereas if I had a coherent thought it would have been successful).
If this weird "out of body experience" gets bad enough, I have a very very VERY difficult time remembering anything. The last time it happened, it took me 3 hours to make my daughter dinner because I'd keep forgetting I was making her dinner literally while I was in the middle of making it, staring at the food in my hands. I'd forget to drink water or eat or sleep or anything. It feels like I'm drowning and my vision looks like I'm in a blinding fog. I couldn't hold a conversation even minimally because I couldn't remember a damn thing. I'd start a sentence and say literally the most ridiculous nonsense because I couldn't remember what was said already or what I was talking about or where my sentence was going. My husband wouldn't talk to me until it passes because he can't understand me.
If it involved doing anything other than just wasting space, it was like watching the most confused and least knowledgable person alive doing whatever it was.
My thoughts make no sense during this time either, and it's like constantly being screamed at in confusing rage. The only reason I haven't attempted to ctb more than twice during these episodes is because I literally cannot remember long enough to have a complete thought, let alone an intelligent one.
And I can feel myself getting into another time of this right now, and it's coming on slowly which is probably the most frustrating part because I can't do anything to stop it or make it pass faster.
I don't have the opportunity to ctb right now, or I would be planning that instead of writing this.
I wish I could because I don't know if I can actually go through this again.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I hate the feeling I get when I get extremely anxious with these thoughts that I have. It's like I'll go extremely numb and feel nothing, like I'm on the back burner in my own body, like I'm in a dream. I feel like I'm watching someone else take control of me, and that I have no feelings anymore.
I'll talk to my husband and have the knowledge that I love him..but so often I feel like it's someone else that isn't me who loves him. The same goes with my daughter.
I don't feel it, even if I know it.
When I get like this, I get really impulsive. I do things to see if I can feel it because generally I don't. So many scars and 2 failed attempts (mostly because of impulsive stupidity, whereas if I had a coherent thought it would have been successful).
If this weird "out of body experience" gets bad enough, I have a very very VERY difficult time remembering anything. The last time it happened, it took me 3 hours to make my daughter dinner because I'd keep forgetting I was making her dinner literally while I was in the middle of making it, staring at the food in my hands. I'd forget to drink water or eat or sleep or anything. It feels like I'm drowning and my vision looks like I'm in a blinding fog. I couldn't hold a conversation even minimally because I couldn't remember a damn thing. I'd start a sentence and say literally the most ridiculous nonsense because I couldn't remember what waisiis said already or what I was talking about or where my sentence was going. My husband wouldn't talk to me until it passes because he can't understand me.
Have you seen a neurologist?

 

[seekingoblivion]

Hey. I'm really sorry about what you experience in that state. I imagine it can get terrifying. Have you spoken to any healthcare professional about it?

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Hey. I'm really sorry about what you experience in that state. I imagine it can get terrifying. Have you spoken to any healthcare professional about it?

Yeah I have, but they all brushed it off basically. I don't think they believe what I'm saying.
Yes, it's terrifying, but idk what to do.

 

[Scarlett]

I get this quite often so I truely relate to how awful this is. Personally I find it usually happens when my hormones are out of whack. I dissociate and feel completely apathetic..it's pretty horrendous because It comes totally out of the blue and I have no way of pulling myself out of it..i think it might be worth seeing someone about your hormones and maybe that will help?

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I get this quite often so I truely relate to how awful this is. Personally I find it usually happens when my hormones are out of whack. I dissociate and feel completely apathetic..it's pretty horrendous because It comes totally out of the blue and I have no way of pulling myself out of it..i think it might be worth seeing someone about your hormones and maybe that will help?

Thank you for that bit of information.
I'll try telling my dr again about this.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Yeah I have, but they all brushed it off basically. I don't think they believe what I'm saying.
Yes, it's terrifying, but idk what to do.

I'm sorry. It sucks when the people who are supposed to help us act like they don't want to. Maybe they just don't know what to do? Try what @Scarlett said and let us know how it goes if you can. Good luck!

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I'm sorry. It sucks when the people who are supposed to help us act like they don't want to. Maybe they just don't know what to do? Try what @Scarlett said and let us know how it goes if you can. Good luck!

Thank you. I'll do my best to do it soon, but when I get this way it makes doing anything difficult. I'll let you know what they say when I do. Thanks again

 

[Smith94]

I hate the feeling I get when I get extremely anxious with these thoughts that I have. It's like I'll go extremely numb and feel nothing, like I'm on the back burner in my own body, like I'm in a dream. I feel like I'm watching someone else take control of me, and that I have no feelings anymore.
I'll talk to my husband and have the knowledge that I love him..but so often I feel like it's someone else that isn't me who loves him. The same goes with my daughter.
I don't feel it, even if I know it.
When I get like this, I get really impulsive. I do things to see if I can feel it because generally I don't. So many scars and 2 failed attempts (mostly because of impulsive stupidity, whereas if I had a coherent thought it would have been successful).
If this weird "out of body experience" gets bad enough, I have a very very VERY difficult time remembering anything. The last time it happened, it took me 3 hours to make my daughter dinner because I'd keep forgetting I was making her dinner literally while I was in the middle of making it, staring at the food in my hands. I'd forget to drink water or eat or sleep or anything. It feels like I'm drowning and my vision looks like I'm in a blinding fog. I couldn't hold a conversation even minimally because I couldn't remember a damn thing. I'd start a sentence and say literally the most ridiculous nonsense because I couldn't remember what was said already or what I was talking about or where my sentence was going. My husband wouldn't talk to me until it passes because he can't understand me.
If it involved doing anything other than just wasting space, it was like watching the most confused and least knowledgable person alive doing whatever it was.
My thoughts make no sense during this time either, and it's like constantly being screamed at in confusing rage. The only reason I haven't attempted to ctb more than twice during these episodes is because I literally cannot remember long enough to have a complete thought, let alone an intelligent one.
And I can feel myself getting into another time of this right now, and it's coming on slowly which is probably the most frustrating part because I can't do anything to stop it or make it pass faster.
I don't have the opportunity to ctb right now, or I would be planning that instead of writing this.
I wish I could because I don't know if I can actually go through this again.

Hello,
It sounds much like Depresonalisation. I'm no doctor so this is no diagnosis but it's something you should read up on to see if any of the symptoms ring true.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Hello,
It sounds much like Depresonalisation. I'm no doctor so this is no diagnosis but it's something you should read up on to see if any of the symptoms ring true.

Thank you, I will

 

[seekingoblivion]

Thank you. I'll do my best to do it soon, but when I get this way it makes doing anything difficult.

I imagine it is. I get days when brushing my teeth feels like I'm working some serious manual labor though I've never really felt the way you've described. I get really depressed and apathetic from time to time though. Just try but if you can't right now that's okay. Just try and take care of yourself however best you can until you feel you can go to the Doc. Again, I'm wishing you all the best!