Venting I feel like I'm being forgotten

[Kadaver]

I used to live with my best friend and I remember before I left I told him I was scared he would forget about me—that I would be out of sight out of mind. He told me he wouldn't. Said that we would still talk and maybe even call sometimes. None of what he said was true. We've barely talked despite my efforts and now he's been ignoring me for a week. He doesn't say he misses me. He doesn't say he loves or cares about me (which is something we used to tell each other often).

I feel so unimportant. I feel like I'm trapped in a cell begging people to hear me and talk to me. But no one wants to. I feel like everyone I love would truly be better off if I just stopped being a selfish coward and killed myself. There's no point to me being alive anyways. I can't work a job and can't support myself. And most of all I can't transition; I'm stuck the way I am for the foreseeable future. Life feels so pointless and I wish I wasn't so afraid to die.

I wish I could just cut my losses and let go. I wish my best friend hadn't have stopped me when I was the closest I've ever been to escaping the pain. Why save me if you're just going to send me away and ignore me like I don't exist? Why save me if you're just going to toss me to the side and abandon me to deal with my problems alone? He did it to absolve himself of any guilt; so that way he wouldn't have to look or feel bad.

I just want to be happy

 

[sneab]

I get that. The fear takes over and prevents a lot of things. I've tried a few times but I've never worked up the courage to follow through. I've always admired that ability to push through that, is there a trick? Maybe a pill with the "suicidal tendency" side effect. Idk.

 

[Kadaver]

I get that. The fear takes over and prevents a lot of things. I've tried a few times but I've never worked up the courage to follow through. I've always admired that ability to push through that, is there a trick? Maybe a pill with the "suicidal tendency" side effect. Idk.

Yeah I've been close before but never able to push myself over the edge. I feel like this time could have been different. I had SN and I had a benzo. I planned on taking a bunch of my benzos waiting 30 minutes then drinking as much SN as I could handle and just let go. I wonder if I would have been able to do it. Part of me really wants to order more SN and try again.

 

[eeah]

can relate. i used to think maybe i was being unrealistic when i was worrying about my friends moving on or leaving me. but after some shit happened with a friend (he did something) and he just stopped messaging me altogether ive kinda realized that i was right the whole time. he got new friends and dropped me like i was nothing, never even bothered with a single message. at least its one less person to be sad when im gone idk

 

[sneab]

I've always been amazed at how easy it is for people to let go of one another, and I won't lie I'm just as guilty. I don't like it but it is true. Nothing lasts. Nothing

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

I've always been amazed at how easy it is for people to let go of one another, and I won't lie I'm just as guilty. I don't like it but it is true. Nothing lasts. Nothing

The most important person who ever lived will be forgotten. Maybe they already have. Everyone except those who are ill are guilty of forgetting.

 

[Kadaver]

can relate. i used to think maybe i was being unrealistic when i was worrying about my friends moving on or leaving me. but after some shit happened with a friend (he did something) and he just stopped messaging me altogether ive kinda realized that i was right the whole time. he got new friends and dropped me like i was nothing, never even bothered with a single message. at least its one less person to be sad when im gone idk

I feel this. I've had friends I was super close with just drop me like I meant nothing. It always hurt because I tried to be there for them no matter what and they always left when it was their turn to help me. Idk it makes me feel like my feelings are just a burden for the people I care about