I feel like I'm a trauma based Failure

[Water-Lily]

December 10th

December 10th is the last day I can officially move out my stuff back "home"

the toxic hell hole of a place

The day I can officially move out without being charged for the next emester

Each time I try to push myself to be independent and move out and live on my own....I just can't do it

I can't dig deep down into myself and just do it

I don't plan to talk to anyone else about this, outside of my therapist of course

Because I realize when I vent to people I am asking them to tell me what to do

"Go live on campus! Unenmesh yourself from your abusive family and live!!!!"

But of course no matter how people have said it, I just cannot bring myself to commit to it

There's a mental barrier of fear

There's a mental barrier that I am unwilling to process and push through for the betterment off my family

This all makes my self loathing even greater

I told myself I'd move back home because I did not spend a single day on campus this entire semester

So it's a waste of student loans when I already have so much to pay back. Its sickening

Of course, I only want to stay on campus if I know its something I can commit to

If not, then its waste of money

Sigh

 

[junko]

December 10th

December 10th is the last day I can officially move out my stuff back "home"

the toxic hell hole of a place

The day I can officially move out without being charged for the next emester

Each time I try to push myself to be independent and move out and live on my own....I just can't do it

I can't dig deep down into myself and just do it

I don't plan to talk to anyone else about this, outside of my therapist of course

Because I realize when I vent to people I am asking them to tell me what to do

"Go live on campus! Unenmesh yourself from your abusive family and live!!!!"

But of course no matter how people have said it, I just cannot bring myself to commit to it

There's a mental barrier of fear

There's a mental barrier that I am unwilling to process and push through for the betterment off my family

This all makes my self loathing even greater

I told myself I'd move back home because I did not spend a single day on campus this entire semester

So it's a waste of student loans when I already have so much to pay back. Its sickening

Of course, I only want to stay on campus if I know its something I can commit to

If not, then its waste of money

Sigh

I know it doesn't help to hear, but I'm in a very similar situation.

I was able to make it through college, but now that I'm on my own and unable to find a career in the field I want, I'm struggling. I've lost every job I've applied to since graduating. I hate living by myself.

A while back, I was complimented for being "independent." It made me sick to hear. I don't Want to be independent. I hate this life -- working for people who speak poorly about me behind my back only to come home to a nosy landlady and an empty apartment. I can't make it on my own.

 

[MeltingBrain]

I think I had asked this to you before . Why do you feel like you don't want to stay in the campus ? How much is your student loan ?
I think I had asked this to you before . Why do you feel like you don't want to stay in the campus ? How much is your student loan

 

[Water-Lily]

I think I had asked this to you before . Why do you feel like you don't want to stay in the campus ? How much is your student loan ?
I think I had asked this to you before . Why do you feel like you don't want to stay in the campus ? How much is your student loan

I don't feel comfortable there

And the loans is 8,000 a semester