Venting I feel like I have to CTB

[cherub]

I feel like I have to CTB because I've fucked up so terribly thus far that I'm beyond the point of redemption. People don't understand how important a person's developmental years(childhood) are and how crucial it is that they become properly socially adjusted and are not abused in anyway during that time. Like, if you have caretakers in your youth that neglect what I've just mentioned, then that's a recipe for disaster and a life of shame, mental illness and trouble; seriously. My upbringing was so bad, that I KNOW that I have no prospects in the future hence why I feel almost like it's my duty to ctb. A life of shame and hinderance from doing things I want to do due to mental illness is worse than eternal nothingness in my view. At least in the latter, there is no consciousness to feel the pain that is life. It's funny how the self preservation instinct tries to keep you from danger and death, but it seems as though my way of self preservation is to escape through danger and death haha. Anyway, this just a stream of consciousness/venting I hope this doesn't get derailed or turned into a debate like my other threads do lol.

 

[wiroho]

I know what you mean. I devolped a personality disorder in my childhood after that it was a long downhill. I can understand when teens end there life it would save me much suffering and in the end a bad life and all this struggle.

 

[StillWaiting]

I know how it feels to realize that there is no way life can get better to the point where you think life is worth living.
Honestly can't see myself living like a normal person anymore. I am still here just because I haven't decide on a method.

 

[cherub]

I know what you mean. I devolped a personality disorder in my childhood after that it was a long downhill. I can understand when teens end there life it would save me much suffering and in the end a bad life and all this struggle.

Not to to sound pitiful but the worst part of that is that no one chooses to develop such a thing. It is almost without fail a product of shitty parenting and upbringing. Although many may not agree with me and I don't care, I think having children should be taken way more seriously than it usually is and that no one should have any unless they're 110% prepared deal with the complexities of taking care of a whole living breathing new human being. Lol not to be dramatic. Shitty people commiting horrendous acts against others whether it's on a small scale or large scale are more than likely a product of what I just described. Anyway, I digress, I know how shitty it can be to have a personality disorder from personal experience and I hope you can find relief and happiness despite having one. Thanks for your thoughts

 

[YukiFox]

In my case was exactly the opposite. I feel I'm on the first stage f my mental illness and my life was "normal": I had a regular childhood with holidays, I was a C-Grade equivalent student, I assisted to college and had my humanities degree, yes, for sure. But when that bubble exploded thanks to a political and economic crisis on my country, plus some personal issues like sexuality and gender identity, I fell to pieces. And I suspect CTB as my natural path too.

 

[lululoo]

Not to to sound pitiful but the worst part of that is that no one chooses to develop such a thing. It is almost without fail a product of shitty parenting and upbringing. Although many may not agree with me and I don't care, I think having children should be taken way more seriously than it usually is and that no one should have any unless they're 110% prepared deal with the complexities of taking care of a whole living breathing new human being. Lol not to be dramatic. Shitty people commiting horrendous acts against others whether it's on a small scale or large scale are more than likely a product of what I just described. Anyway, I digress, I know how shitty it can be to have a personality disorder from personal experience and I hope you can find relief and happiness despite having one. Thanks for your thoughts

I agree with you!