I feel like hurting myself for failing

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

This might sound silly and I know it is but hear me out. After my impulsive breakdown yesterday nearing the bank of killings gmyself, I talked to my therapist after cancelling her iniitoaoly. She was super happy to hear from me and was proud I reached out. We were talking about my mood lately and she had referenced a point at which I noted iw aunt taking Care of myself all the well. Which looking back, maybe? I mean I could have done more to validate my own feelings instead of letting myself fall so bad into impulsivity. Anyways I know I should be doing better and I hate when I fuck up

 

[JoeFailure]

Try not to if you can. I've never really self-harmed in a physical way. In a mental way I definitely do, sending myself into dark spirals of thoughts and rumination. Easier said than done, but it won't do any good.

Do you have any other outlets, or things you can do today to distract, and hope tomorrow is a little better?

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Try not to if you can. I've never really self-harmed in a physical way. In a mental way I definitely do, sending myself into dark spirals of thoughts and rumination. Easier said than done, but it won't do any good.

Do you have any other outlets, or things you can do today to distract, and hope tomorrow is a little better?

I am playing video games now. Not sure how my day is gonna go

For all of my life I would give myself the death penalty for everything. Failed a test? Death Penalty? Got angry at someone? Death Penalty? Let myself fall into a spiral? Death Penalty

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's understandable that you feel like that. I always feel like shit after failing, because I blame myself for making my situation worse and obsess over all the things I could have done to avoid the problem. I think the key is learning to be more realistic with what you can and can't do, on a logical level and on an emotional one. There are some problems that you won't have the knowledge to avoid, and there are also times where your emotions will stop you from handling things well. Both of these situations are very human and totally okay.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

I hope your day goes well.
I understand now, what happened that day. I guess your therapist is trying to be there, after all. Sorry I assumed she is like one those people that is cruel and uncaring towards their patients.
Self harm... I wouldn't really recommend it. Unless what you mean with that is the feeling towards CTB, then I get it.
Honestly, it's probably because we care all too much for the events that we fail at that it makes us consider the death penalty.
If we were ignorant as I said in another thread, maybe this wouldn't be of such importance to us. And still, we are who we are.
We can't change that. Best approach is if we at least forgive ourselves, at least from time to time. As hard as it can be or it sounds.

 

[Fullof pain]

It sounds like you are placing really high expectations on yourself and when things don't work out, you blame yourself. I do this too, in fact global warming and Brexit are all totally my fault !!