Discussion I feel like an imposter...

[AShipinthedark]

I so desperately wish to end my life, but my wish to end my life wavers so erratically in potency. This weekend I was ready to just place a bag over my head and wrap it in a blanket as tight as I could, whipping and lashing myself intentionally to fight the involuntary instinctual impulses...Here I've felt happiest in a long time interacting with people on this website, but I feel I shouldn't be so light hearted. I still want to die, but am I wrong for wanting to be positive about death? Should I continue posting? I process things though my "spaceship allegory" but also through a lot of humor. I could laugh with death him/her/they self about my pitiful existence were I presented the scenario. Am I wrong to look at death so gleefully and light heartedly? I still take it as a solemn and sacred act, in my own eyes, but I see things much differently than others. I dont wish to commit suicide, I just wish to end my life...Am I in the right community, please be honest, ill leave if I have too...

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

I think a lot of us have days where we really want it to end and other days where is can be mildly tolerable. Everyone here has probably accepted death and the idea of an early checkout too. For us it's normal to have these thoughts and nobody is going to say "you need help" if you say you want to die.

This community is loaded with lots of different damages but we are the same. Just because I want to ctb for reason 1 doesn't mean I'm an impostor for not wanting to ctb for reason 14. There are a lot of great people here and we all accepted our bullshit for what it is. We're here because it's not "normal" to think or feel this way.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i get that. i don't feel suicidal (the actual act of committing it) but i am looking for that exit as well. the only time i feel depressed is when i find another dead end to that door i'm looking for. i still take pleasure in some things but physically am unable to do the things i once enjoyed. i do feel like current conditions will worsen so i'd like to get it done while i am still somewhat able.

 

[TapeMachine]

I still want to die, but am I wrong for wanting to be positive about death? Should I continue posting?

Please continue posting! You are a breath of fresh air to me! I see absolutely nothing wrong with your enthusiasm and sense of humor.

Sincerely, thank you. Some of your posts have illicited genuine laughter and heart-felt smiles from me tonight, and neither of those things has been very attainable for me lately.