Venting I feel like a ungrateful piece of shit child

[MrDarkness]

I've been playing for my ctb date for awhile now, my mom keeps saying how she can't wait for this or that, I just graduated high school and she said she is going to give me a gift soon, I feel so bad knowing that I won't be around for her anymore, I hate it so badly.

I hate hearing about the future I know I won't be part of, I've lived a decent life, my mother tried her best to raise me and I still want to die. Fuck my life

 

[sunnysidedown]

:((
I also feel guilty for wanting to ctb so badly when my parents and few friends have done so much for me… I'd hate to scar them by ending my life…

 

[thatworthlessmale04]

You're lucky to have a mother who really loves you. My mother kinda resents me for being my father's son, so...yeah, it really sucks on my end. I just don't know what else to do. I'm done lol

 

[MrDarkness]

You're lucky to have a mother who really loves you. My mother kinda resents me for being my father's son, so...yeah, it really sucks on my end. I just don't know what else to do. I'm done lol

i have a father that never wanted me, and has said this many times, some im in the same boat, i believe that my dad is using me and my brother as leverage for the divorce because until recently, he wanted to be a active father. i believe he is full of shit

 

[dialogos]

i have a father that never wanted me, and has said this many times, some im in the same boat, i believe that my dad is using me and my brother as leverage for the divorce because until recently, he wanted to be a active father. i believe he is full of shit

Could I just ask?
This isn't to invalidate your feelings or to disrespect you.
Other people have debilitating disease, some are old and about to be homeless,
Etc point is they have pressing issues that prevent them from having even a simple life.
Are your issues so overwhelming that if you continue to live, you'll always be in crippling pain or crippling helplessness?
Is it really hopeless or do you feel that way because your youth doesn't give you enough experience to deal with it positively?
Your dad is a jerk but your mom is good to you.
Are you sure there aren't enough good things in your life to keep you going?
Does your feelings seem to color it all bad anyway?

 

[MrDarkness]

Could I just ask?
This isn't to invalidate your feelings or to disrespect you.
Other people have debilitating disease, some are old and about to be homeless,
Etc point is they have pressing issues that prevent them from having even a simple life.
Are your issues so overwhelming that if you continue to live, you'll always be in crippling pain or crippling helplessness?
Is it really hopeless or do you feel that way because your youth doesn't give you enough experience to deal with it positively?
Your dad is a jerk but your mom is good to you.
Are you sure there aren't enough good things in your life to keep you going?
Does your feelings seem to color it all bad anyway?

I'll admit if I truly push to improve, I've done it before but then I get sent back to hell, I'm always judging myself I always feel alone, I feel that everyone is against me etc, I have horrible anxiety. I really wish I could live a happy life, my friends left me, my therapist doesn't give a shit, why bother anymore, I don't wanna live being a husk, I rather die a human. My heart hurts so much

 

[dialogos]

I'll admit if I truly push to improve, I've done it before but then I get sent back to hell, I'm always judging myself I always feel alone, I feel that everyone is against me etc, I have horrible anxiety. I really wish I could live a happy life, my friends left me, my therapist doesn't give a shit, why bother anymore, I don't wanna live being a husk, I rather die a human. My heart hurts so much

Is it OK, does it help if we talk to you so you won't be alone?
I myself can't be online here all the time as I have personal issues myself.
But pm me I'll reply when I can.
BTW what you're feeling does happen a lot.
Growing is painful since young people have an overabundance of hormones.
You're a confused, imperfect yet magnificent human being.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be hard to deal with being in that situation but I don't believe that anyone should have to feel grateful for being burdened with the ability to exist, it isn't like any of us could have ever chose to suffer here in the first place and I see wanting to die as always being a valid way to feel, continuing to exist is a personal decision rather than an obligation. But anyway best wishes.

 

[MrDarkness]

Is it OK, does it help if we talk to you so you won't be alone?
I myself can't be online here all the time as I have personal issues myself.
But pm me I'll reply when I can.
BTW what you're feeling does happen a lot.
Growing is painful since young people have an overabundance of hormones.
You're a confused, imperfect yet magnificent human being.

Thanks it means a lot