Venting I feel like a pussy

[korobka_s_konfetami]

You may have seen my posts circulating - and yes, I'm still around. Please don't hate on me for being a total pussy :(

I've been considering to do SN for a looooooong time. And each attempt to CTB ended with me getting cold feet. I'm really afraid of dying, also it would destroy my dad who loves me very much (he's literally the best person I've ever known). There isn't much hope for me to create a good future, but at the same time it seems that there are people in this world that have much much worse situations than i do.

I'm not even suicidal anymore. I'm just tired. I don't feel like doing anything...

 

[SexyIncél]

Hey, don't get down on yourself for not ctb'ing! Despite what they say, this isn't a death cult. If anything, it's an anti-suffering cult

Which sometimes implies death, yes, but also YOLO!

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I feel the same for failing multiple "deadlines", but trust me at some point you find it in you. After all its an important decision...

 

[TemporaryJob]

It's ok dude, either way is completely fine. suicide isn't cowardly and neither is not doing it. Both ways are hard to do, and both have their own sets of consequences. Do what you think is best. And suffering isn't a competition, so never feel like you shouldn't feel the things you do just cuz someone might have it worse.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Fully commiting to CTB takes an enormous amount of courage, despite what pro-lifers say.
You also have to be at a point where you have truly and finally broken, and absolutely nothing in this world could change your mind about wanting to live.
So really, I wouldn't put yourself down and call yourself a pussy.

 

[mlcs]

You may have seen my posts circulating - and yes, I'm still around. Please don't hate on me for being a total pussy :(

I've been considering to do SN for a looooooong time. And each attempt to CTB ended with me getting cold feet. I'm really afraid of dying, also it would destroy my dad who loves me very much (he's literally the best person I've ever known). There isn't much hope for me to create a good future, but at the same time it seems that there are people in this world that have much much worse situations than i do.

I'm not even suicidal anymore. I'm just tired. I don't feel like doing anything...

Well, then try to create good future if there's still some possibility. The worst thing is holding status quo and being nowhere. I felt the same as you couple of years ago. I was to scared to hurt myself and decided to give life a chance, had my ups and downs through 5 turbulent years. Failed eventually, but I tried. I'm not scared anymore. I have no other choice than to ctb now. If you still have a choice, give it a shot, maybe you'll succeed. And if not, you'll probably be less scared after you see that you've done everything.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide isn't straightforward after all so I don't really think that someone is cowardly if they struggle to go through with it, I guess that only the individual knows when the time is right for them to leave, I wish that suicide was much easier, for me the problem lies in how we exist in a world where suicide is purposely made so difficult.