I feel I’m slipping again

[Alyatl]

I've been pretty good lately, got into a new relationship and it's been great. But lately my partner wants some space because he's dealing with his own shit and isn't the kind of person who wants help, he'd rather just disappear for a bit then come back when he's better. I also upset him, so he says he needs some time apart to forgive me.

He wants me to improve, so that he's not constantly worried about me. But knowing I've upset him and just have to let him be for a while without talking to him is killing me. I'm still clean from SH but my will power is fading, and I'm wanting to ctb way more now. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking the worst possible scenarios and I can't calm myself down.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

please feel free to ignore these questions if you aren't looking for advice.

was there an event that caused you to 'slip'? or did it just happen with no reason? furthermore, is there anybody you could turn to in order to get help, like a therapist or trusted friend?

about the self harm - i know that's a bitch to deal with. is there anything else that gives you the same feeling self harm does? or is there anything else you could put that negative energy towards?

 

[Alyatl]

please feel free to ignore these questions if you aren't looking for advice.

was there an event that caused you to 'slip'? or did it just happen with no reason? furthermore, is there anybody you could turn to in order to get help, like a therapist or trusted friend?

about the self harm - i know that's a bitch to deal with. is there anything else that gives you the same feeling self harm does? or is there anything else you could put that negative energy towards?

There's a few things that have caused me to slip recently, like toxic friends that I worked so hard to cut out of my life creeping back in. My boyfriend and I have been arguing a lot lately and he's just worried for my health, and I think the feeling of not being able to turn to him right now is making it worse.

in terms of getting help, I'm really tempted to check myself into a psych ward right now. I feel really high risk of doing something really stupid tonight, even if it is on impulse. And for the self harm stuff, I kind of just manifest it in more mundane ways, like aggressively picking at my lip and starving myself :/

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

how are they creeping back in? are they the manipulative type?

as for the psych ward, have you ever been to one? do you know what the psych wards in your area are like? if you end up deciding to check yourself into one, please make sure it isn't one that will only make you feel worse.

 

[Alyatl]

how are they creeping back in? are they the manipulative type?

as for the psych ward, have you ever been to one? do you know what the psych wards in your area are like? if you end up deciding to check yourself into one, please make sure it isn't one that will only make you feel worse.

They take all they want from me — I drop what I'm doing for them to make sure they're alright but they don't do the same for me, then disappear when they don't need me anymore.

yeah, I've been to the one that's 10 mins from my house multiple times, I haven't really had an extended stay there but I've been sectioned quite a few times

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you've already tried to talk things out with them, so i'm going to be a bit harsh here: ignore them. they're not giving you the same support, so why should you give them the same support? using people for your own gain isn't "friendship". that could be tough, especially if you're an empathetic person.

if you think checking yourself in to a psych ward is what's best, then do so. you can have more time to think about your options, and less stressors to distract you.

 

[goodbyebunny]

Honestly, it's really not that difficult to be a person that expressions compassion to others. Most of us have that capacity. So there really is no excuse for your friends being toxic towards you. I think you deserve to be free of them. You deserve better. By the way if anything I said is inconsiderate or unthoughtful, I'm really sorry.