Venting I feel embarrassed to ask for help

[jeoel]

so , i feel so much pain
i think i'm going to kill myself very soon
method : knife inside my heart
but something inside me is begging me to ask for help
but i can't bc im a man (20 years old + i should be strong...)
and also its embarrassing for me to ask for help
now in this moment , i have no one to msg or even talk to
even if i want to ask for help , i can't find anyone so
i'm gonna kill myself soon (less than 3 days)
short sad story .... thanks
oh yeah if someone find out this post after my death i want to tell him
i really felt pain and i wanted to cry but i didn't
bye

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so hard to deal with being in that situation and it's such a cruel existence that brings people to this point of desperation. That does sound like a horrific method but if that is what you decide then I wish you freedom.

 

[jodes2]

You should ask for help!! CTB is premature imo if you haven't. And honestly, you want a better method! Yours is literally one of the worst possible ways to die. Sorry you're struggling and suffering, you should get help before you CTB

 

[Jupit3rs]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Regardless of what you decide to do, i want to tell you that there's nothing wrong with asking for help. We all, at some point, need help with something, is just natural. I'm wishing you best... And if you can, for your own good, reconsider your method, it sounds very painful but you know, its your choice after all. Hugs.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Please DO reach out to someone for help. I completely understand why you feel embarrassed to do so. This fucked up society makes us feel that way but there ISN'T any shame in doing so. We just have a messed up view of the mind and our emotions. If someone broke their leg and rather than seek treatment continued to walk on it- we'd all think that was ridiculous. So why not when we are struggling emotionally?

I REALLY hope you can find support and really hope you also reconsider your method if all else fails. As other people here have already said, it sounds brutal and I'm not sure it's a terribly reliable method.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i dont feel worth asking for help, "its not that bad"

 

[EndlessDespair]

so , i feel so much pain
i think i'm going to kill myself very soon
method : knife inside my heart
but something inside me is begging me to ask for help
but i can't bc im a man (20 years old + i should be strong...)
and also its embarrassing for me to ask for help
now in this moment , i have no one to msg or even talk to
even if i want to ask for help , i can't find anyone so
i'm gonna kill myself soon (less than 3 days)
short sad story .... thanks
oh yeah if someone find out this post after my death i want to tell him
i really felt pain and i wanted to cry but i didn't
bye

A knife to the heart is quite a painful way to go. There are definitely a lot of better methods. Not sure why anyone would want to die painfully.

I wonder if what you're going through is similar to my situation? What is making you feel this way? My dms are always open if you need someone to talk to, I just turned 21 a couple weeks ago, so I'm sure there is alot we can relate on.

 

[Death is my goal]

but i can't bc im a man (20 years old + i should be strong...)

what has this to do with anything???

 

[blackwidow]

this is so sad... your not a grown man at 20! you still have alot of growing to do.. you have so much doubt in what you write.. You need to ask for help, call the Dr or a helpline.. anything is worth a shot surely? a knife to the heart is a horrific thing to do in my mind anyway..

 

[makethepainstop]

so , i feel so much pain
i think i'm going to kill myself very soon
method : knife inside my heart
but something inside me is begging me to ask for help
but i can't bc im a man (20 years old + i should be strong...)
and also its embarrassing for me to ask for help
now in this moment , i have no one to msg or even talk to
even if i want to ask for help , i can't find anyone so
i'm gonna kill myself soon (less than 3 days)
short sad story .... thanks
oh yeah if someone find out this post after my death i want to tell him
i really felt pain and i wanted to cry but i didn't
bye

Asking for help is not a weakness, it is a sign of superior intelligence. Being smart enough to acknowledge that you need help shows intelligence. Weakness is defined in many ways. What would be the harm in asking for help? As long as you don't state right off the bat. "I'm going to kill myself!'

 

[Pluto]

I live in a culturally conservative city where men are only allowed to express a very narrow range of emotions (anger and... more anger?), then use alcohol to cope with everything else. Having any sort of feminine side is considered weakness, treated with mockery that beats men into submission. I once read that the male suicide rate here is 7:1 (compared with females) versus the wider global average of about 3:1.

This is a "come with me if you want to live" situation. These shitty hypermasculine cultures are a sickness and victimise everyone, (including more domestic violence against women, schoolyard bullying, etc.).

Fuck 'em all. Put up a fight. Ask for help if you want to. Cry if you want to. Enclose yourself in barriers to keep the bullies out, then investigate the deepest depths of your inner world, your dreams of a life of love, your sexuality, etc.

I am quite proud of having a strong feminine side. Things like deeply empathising with others, a love of animals, dislike of cruelty, etc. As hard as it is being a sensitive person in a world like this, I view conformity to the hypermasculine bullshit around me as the act of one who is too weak and scared to be himself. We don't have to be like them.

 

[Nirrend]

so , i feel so much pain
i think i'm going to kill myself very soon
method : knife inside my heart
but something inside me is begging me to ask for help
but i can't bc im a man (20 years old + i should be strong...)
and also its embarrassing for me to ask for help
now in this moment , i have no one to msg or even talk to
even if i want to ask for help , i can't find anyone so
i'm gonna kill myself soon (less than 3 days)
short sad story .... thanks
oh yeah if someone find out this post after my death i want to tell him
i really felt pain and i wanted to cry but i didn't
bye

Hi sweet @jeoel

Your suffering is extreme and what is happening to you is tragic...

I'm really sorry

From what I read, I have the feeling that you are oppressed by something, as if you had to do it quickly to get out of a very difficult situation.

I can imagine how lonely, distressed, and at a loss you feel right now ❤

You should ask for help, I assure you, even if you feel ashamed, it's understandable, it's normal considering how hard society can be on people.

But know that even if, as in any country, there will always be people who will be there to criticize this kind of request, calling those who seek help "fragile" (when for the most part, these people have not yet had the opportunity to be really in pain), I assure you that it will never make you a fragile person ❤

You have the courage to tell us about it, you have the courage to endure it for a while now and you are so cold-blooded that you want to ctb using a method that I personally find terrifying

Don't you think you've suffered enough alone? ❤

Don't you think it's time to open your heart to someone else? ❤

At the very least, if you're afraid to go all at once, start with us here, also in the "Recovery" section so that we can motivate you with respect, to seek that outside help ❤

Because what saddens me in all this is that you don't seem to want to die but just want to find a way to escape from an extreme distress you feel right now

If you want, I'll gladly write to you as others here will, because I think from the bottom of my heart you won't regret asking for help

You know, suffering binds people together and maybe by spending time with people who are going through what you are going through, supervised by a health professional to accompany you, that will be where you find a second family who will love you deeply

In the meantime, we love you already ❤

Don't make any implusive nonsense, if you consider that you are oppressed and if it is possible to help you, don't commit suicide, because let's be sure that you won't regret not having been able to enjoy your life

You can have a happy and bright future, I sincerely wish you that

I'm going to send you a DM, write me when you're not feeling well, if I can help you get better and at least listen to you, that's what counts ❤

From a sincere love, I wish you the best ❤