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mapleboy
sleepy...
- May 22, 2023
- 63
The source I had for the SN I was going to buy had sold out, and I immediately spiraled. I took a thin bedsheet, threw it over the doorframe, tied one end to the doorknob, stood on a chair, and tied the other end around my neck. My dog and cat were both watching me, their eyes seems to be full of concerned curiosity. I texted my partner, "I love you, I'm sorry", and stepped off the chair. My head immediately felt fuzzy, I was struggling to breathe. It felt like my head was going to explode, it was awful. I got really scared, and stood on the chair again. I had placed it in a way in which I could sit on top of the back part and still have the bedsheet constrict my arteries in my neck. It really did feel like I was dying, and it scared me. I looked back at my pets, they still had no idea what was happening. Poor things. I stepped off the chair again, this time determined to commit. My head felt fuzzy again, my fingers started to feel tingly and my palms started to sweat. I tried to relax myself despite still not being able to breathe and my head feeling like a balloon getting ready to pop. "This is my way out, I can finally end everything", I thought to myself. Unfortunately I started to panic, and stood on the chair again. I untied the bedsheet from my neck and the doorknob, folded it, and put it away. I sat on the floor and cried.
I'm so pathetic. I feel embarrassed about being so distraught over one little thing and immediately trying to kill myself. I hate myself so much, my panic didn't let me think about how my SN source was most likely going to restock in the future. I'm a horrible person with so many dumb fucking issues. It's not like I even have the money to purchase SN right now, why am I so fucking stupid? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm so pathetic. I feel embarrassed about being so distraught over one little thing and immediately trying to kill myself. I hate myself so much, my panic didn't let me think about how my SN source was most likely going to restock in the future. I'm a horrible person with so many dumb fucking issues. It's not like I even have the money to purchase SN right now, why am I so fucking stupid? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.